Sunday Christians are fond of demonizing Judas: the spawn of Satan, etc, etc.
I once proposed to a Bible study class that we are each guilty of the same sin as Judas. I was met with gasps of shock and horror. They viewed my insight as an admission that I sided with Judas and I was summarily dismissed from that self-sanctified body.
Christ came into a fallen world, separated from Him by lust for the objects of creation. Judas was one among all who denied Jesus.
Jesus suffered died and overcame the suffering and death of this world by rising from a grave dug by sin to pure life eternal with the Father. He offers to carry each of us with Him.
Judas might have been forgiven. But, like so many of us, he could not believe that his sins could be forgiven.
We all sell our salvation for silver. We are all convicted by our sin. Some surrender their lives at Jesus' feet and beg for His forgiveness. Others are so lost in their darkness they can not even see a glimmer of hope. They destroy themselves believing God hates them.
Judas did not wait for the ressurection. His vision did not extend beyond the failure of his own plans and dreams. He died in hopelessness.
Their loss. None are so blind as those who cannot see (IOW, choose not to see).
How is Judas' betrayal for silver different from Peter's denial to save his own skin?
Suicide is the final act of hopelessness, despair and a loss of courage. Who knows what finally happened to Judas. His was one of history's saddest stories.
That God loves Judas is a fundamental in Christianity. Only God could love Him. He's easy for us to despise....thus the Judas goat. That is not a bad thing, I think, if we remember your words about him. He was a good lesson for us.
I went to a sermon once that stated we are all Judas in our own way. We have to deny that part of ourselves. I agree with you and the preacher that preached that sermon.