I'm sure that you've had numerous unpleasant experiences with the abuse of the Novus Ordo Mass. I have had them as well. The abuses are not the Mass. The abuses are specifically departures from the Order of the Mass; they represent unauthorized, illicit, and possibly invalid disobedience of the rubrics approved by the Church.
Come to northern Virginia some time. Assist at Mass in (almost) any parish in the Diocese of Arlington. You'll find serenity. You'll find the Mass offered properly every time. I don't think you'll find any bickering, or clapping, or armwaving. You'll usually find a combination of new and old hymns, usually good. You won't find any female Altar Boys, either.
When I travel, I assist at Mass in the geographic parish in which my hotel resides. More often than not I find that the Mass is generally offered properly; bickering, handclapping, armwaving and liturgical abuse do not appear (to me) to be anywhere near as common as appears to be commonly thought in traditionalist circles.
YMMV.
Lousy parishes exist in even the best of dioceses, and good parishes exist in even the worst.
I'm not particularly "traditionalist" - that is, I think the dead silent Tridentine Rite or the sung TR that excluded women from the schola (which was originally only for boys, thereby indicating that they wanted high voices and NOT men only) is not the ideal solution.
However, I can tell you that outside of a few places, the NO has sunk to levels undreamed of. When you have a priest who comes in and screams "God is good," and the congregation has been trained to yell back, "All the time" - and the bishop doesn't oppose it - I think there are serious problems.