Posted on 06/01/2005 6:51:17 AM PDT by ZGuy
A new edition of the Gospels of the Bible for the first time shows Christ as a woman, named Judith Christ of Nazareth, and God as female. In all other respects, the classic texts of the Gospels remain unchanged.
The publisher, LBI Institute, has released this new Bible entitled: "Judith Christ of Nazareth, The Gospels of the Bible, Corrected to Reflect that Christ Was a Woman, Extracted from Matthew, Mark, Luke and John." The book is available in bookstores and online.
"This long-awaited revised text of the Gospels makes the moral message of Christ more accessible to many, and more illuminating to all," says Billie Shakespeare, V.P. for the publisher. "It is empowering. We published this new Bible to acknowledge the rise of women in society."
This new Bible includes: The Parable of the Prodigal Daughter, The Lady's Prayer, and other revised favorite passages, such as:
* Her birth -- Luke 2:4 And Joseph went to Bethlehem. 5 To be enrolled with Mary, his wife, who was then pregnant. 7 And she brought forth her firstborn child. 21 And her name was chosen to be Judith.
* Her crucifixion -- John 19:17 And She bearing her cross went forth. 18 There they crucified Judith.
* Her resurrection -- Matthew 28:1 Mary Magdalene and the other Mary came to see the tomb. 5 But the angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Judith who was crucified." 6 "She is not here; for She is risen."
Hey--I got an idea! Let's make Mary a guy--call him Marty; and Joan of Arc--fuggedaboudit--Joe of Arc. Yeah...that's the ticket.
This must have something to do with Judy-ism.
Then Satan must be a woman as well.. and we can call her Hillary!
Hitlery is probably smiling! Or maybe this is her ploy to win over the conservative right....(chuckle) -- hey, expect ANYTHING from the Witch of the East...
Sure it's not a re-write of the "Blair Witch" Project?
But is She at least hot? ;)
A Bible rewritten and reprinted solely to insult Christians. A new low, but not the last one.
Revelation 22:18-19
Not *all* other respects, apparently. By the way, are the disciples still amazed in John 4 when they see Judith speaking with another woman?
Hell. Handbasket.
You know the drill.
Women - accessible. Men - not. There we have it, men baaaaad, something we've always known, but now scholars are finally acknowledging it. Thank goodness they've set us straight after all these centuries! It was so difficult to accept Jesus' teachings, but now that we know He is a She, well, it just got soooo much easier. /sarcasm
Remember about 10(?) years ago when someone came out with the Ebonics Bible? One of the Commandments was, "Don't be dissin your mamma." This sounds just as ridiculous.
By this time next year this'll amount to nothing more than a few hundred copies of this "bible" collecting dust on a few hundred middle aged secular lesbians' bookshelves.
Perfect for the female lead Methodist and ELCA Lutheran Churchs.
Why? It is empowering.
Why? ...makes the moral message of Christ more accessible...
Why?
What is the freakin' point to this BS? Are the psyches of women so small and fragile, are their minds so weak, that they have to have this kind of pap produced for them?
It's time to tighten the fences and lock the gates.
I can't stop laughing!
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