I agree with Campion and Mershon on this issue. I do not care for holding hands during the Our Father, or the invitations to greet those sitting around you before Mass that I've seen at some churches. I feel that it is phony affection (not charity) shown to complete strangers, and it detracts from the reverence toward and focus on the Blessed Sacrament that characterized the Church I grew up in. I just feel silly doing it, and it makes me uncomfortable when someone sitting across the pew approaches me to hold hands or taps me while I'm standing there eyes closed, head bowed, and hands folded. If it's just an act to show community (isn't being together in the presence of the Lord enough?), then why are some people so insistent about it?
I spent many years disconnected from the Church, in part because of youthful rebellion (do you really have to believe in all that and live that way to go to heaven?). It was also partly because those times when I considered going back, I could not find a church that held the reverence that I witnessed as a child. I also noticed that I never heard the hard preaching that I had always felt was missing. I knew the Church was supposedly opposed to abortion and sexual immorality, but I never heard it from the pulpit! I finally found a church with a great priest who gives me all that. And I'm never pressured to hold hands with someone I hardly know, or don't know at all. I feel liberated to join my prayers with the priest for peaceful intentions, and for an acceptable and holy sacrifice. I don't have to worry about how long to hold someone's hand, or what pressure with which to hold it. I also don't worry about offending someone with my own sweaty hand. I have to go out of town for it, but I wouldn't consider going elsewhere. I've been a member nearly four years. If I hadn't found that church, I might still be lost.
However, I am no Pharisee. With my young adults group, I volunteer monthly at the local downtown Catholic Action Center preparing meals for the hungry, bi-monthly with a furniture bank, and spend a few Saturdays each fall helping to build one of Habitat houses that my diocese sponsors. I am also always donating money for this cause or that. Desire for tradition, moral teaching, and connection with the ancient Church certainly does not harden one against Christian charity! I have only grown stronger in charity as a result my search for orthodoxy.
Completely agree with your post #28! The time before mass should be a quiet time of reflection and personal preparation.
It should be spent in solemn contemplation that one is in the Presence of Our Lord Himself! It is not a time to socialize with the people around you. There is a time and place for that. The socializing should be left at the church door.
By the same token, during the Mass, all attention, all focus, should be on Christ in the Eucharist and Christ in the Word. When I say the Lord's prayer, I prefer to bow my head and place my hands together. Thank goodness very few people in our church choose to hold hands during the Lord's Prayer - or raise them in the air, etc. - so it is not an issue.
I would rather dispense with the hand-shaking and hand-holding. It's all "I,I,I, me, me, me, us, us, us!" It should be ALL ABOUT Christ!
** I finally found a church with a great priest who gives me all that.**
It sounds like your church could be bursting at the seams. The works of mercy that you are involved with are fantastic. We also are helping with a Habitat House this fall. First time for our parish since I've been there. -- 14 years now.
You are aware, aren't you that the GIRM stipulates that the Our Father is a vertical prayer from each person to God, the Father. It is not a community prayer. Just don't join hands with anyone. We had a coupld who would extend their hands straight out in front of them and not hold hands. The people around them accepted it fine.
Forcing people to socialize and touch one another at Mass does not build a genuine sense of community and it is very awkward. We're at Mass to worship and commune with Christ. Church social functions and school events are the appropriate places for getting to know one another. The fact that these awkward maneuvers result in odd situations where some people do not want to shake hands or engage in the banter of social introductions is all the more reason why they should not be forced on people at Mass. Mass is not the place where people should be tested on their Emily Post etiquette and social skills. It's very silly.
I'm a little late to this party (had to work late last night), but you put into words what my own experience was.
All that touchy-feely stuff, just doesn't feel right. I belong to a parish now where the church is big enough that you don't need to sit near anyone of you don't want to and most of the parishoners are more inerested in praying and being with God than socializing and the tourists just don't get that.
I also think that the attitude we carry during our everyday interactions is just as important as going out of the way to volunteer and help others in a direct way. I work with people who claim to be Catholic, but their actions definitely don't match that claim. And that's a little strange when you work for a 501c3.