I would recommend three Christian books to get started with.
1. 'The Gift of Sex' by Penner
2. 'Intended for pleasure' by Wheat
3. 'Sacred Romance' by Tommy Nelson
As for oral sex, these books cover that area.
Song of Songs 4:16 has this to say about oral sex (there are other references as well):
"Awake, north wind, and come south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrence may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits"
In other words, oral sex is not prohibited. The New Testament says that the marriage bed is undefiled. There is great freedom in the area of sexual expression within marriage. One Christian writer has summed it up this way. As long as it doesn't involve pain, pornography or other people; AND both husband and wife are agreeable, the is nothing prohibited.
You will hear some people say that Onan sinned when he "spilled his seed", but the real sin of Onan was his disobedience to a command of God. The spilling of his seed in that instance was merely the form of the disobedience. In the kJV there is even a reference to the beloved (wife) tasting the seed of the lover (husband). The Penner book states that whatever objection one might have to oral sex, it can't be supported by scripture.
Hogwash. Show me a quote from ANY Christian prior to 1900 that agrees with this nonsense.
Its only the sex obsessed 20th century "christians" who make such a claim, because everyone for 19 centuries prior to that, including ALL the protestant reformers, believed just the opposite of what you claim here.
As for the "Song of Songs" condoning marital sodomy, be it oral, anal, mastubatory or contraceptive, again Show me a quote from ANY Christian prior to 1900 that agrees with this nonsense.
Its only the sex obsessed 20th century "christians" who make such a claim.
As far as Christian guiidelines for marital sexuality, the bottom line is this:
Anything goes, but only IF, in the end, you could get pregnant as a result.
Oral stimulation prior to sexual intercourse is OK for foreplay. Same with just about anything else.
But according to all Christian history except the last 100 years, any type of sex that precludes contraception when its all said and done, is sodomitic in nature.
See the writings of Luther, Calvin, and the other reformers regarding the Onan incident if you need further proof.
You are entirely correct, ctd. Onan was obligated to get Tamar pregnant, so that she could bear a son which would continue the Judah family line (and their inheritance) within Israel...
"If brethren dwell together, and one of them die, and have no child, the wife of the dead shall not marry without unto a stranger: her husband's brother shall go in unto her, and take her to him to wife, and perform the duty of an husband's brother unto her. And it shall be, that the firstborn which she beareth shall succeed in the name of his brother which is dead, that his name be not put out of Israel"Onan's specific sin wasn't the spilling of his seed - it was his refusal to perform his duty as a brother-in-law to Tamar, knowing it would cause the complete disinheritance of the Tribe of Judah from the house of Israel, because he harbored hatred towards his brother's family. Genesis 38:8-9 spells this out for us:
(Deut. 25:5-6).
"Then Judah said to Onan, "Go in to your brother's wife, and perform your duty as a brother-in-law to her, and raise up offspring for your brother. Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so when he went in to his brother's wife, he wasted his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother."If we are to believe Onan's most grievous sin was the spilling of his seed and not the attempted disinheritance of Judah from the house of Israel, then why the emphasis on the latter, and not the former, in the inspired text?
(Genesis 38:8-9)