~Saying good bye~

CookingWithCarlo.com ^ | Sept 23, 2003 | Carlo3b Dad, Chef, Author

[carlo3b]

~Saying good bye~

Dealing with loss, and surviving...

Learning to live with death, divorce, absence, separation, and change. Escaping uncertainty, fear, loneliness, bitterness, emptiness, anger or hate.

Grief, and how to cope, is far too difficult a topic to stumble upon with simple words. No one, least of all me, could possibly understand the full range of pain, or the depth of emotion each of us feel at that dreadful moment when we experience a real loss. Dealing with the loss after all, is a vital first step on the long journey to healing. Each of us must confront this necessary and painful process to discover our own way to continue.

Accepting the loss of someone or something is the first step to healing, hope, and future happiness.

With any loss or life altering change, we must accept our emotions. We have to allow ourselves to face the inevitable truth, a sorrowful fact that something dear to us has ended, or someone we love has departed, and nothing will ever be the exactly the same again. That is the hardest part, taking the first difficult step, is facing the facts.
 
We must develop an understanding with the new reality. We have to accept the truth, and with the truth we can prepare to begin again.. We must start over. There has to be a time to grieve, and a time to mourn. Fear of change is the hardest part, but it is a beginning, and we must begin again.

"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
-Michael Pritchard

Grieving, is our tribute to true love.

Finding a way to say good bye doesn't mean that we have to learn to forget. Our loved one will never be forgotten, nor must we rush to resolve what the loss has meant. Love lasts forever. Falling in love takes time, and it grows. Slowly, and carefully we allow ourselves to fall deeply in love and finally, with passions and emotions aside, we discover the warmth and gentleness of enduring and everlasting love.
 
True love will be in your heart forever, but pain of loss doesn't have to. What we must learn is to survive the emptiness, the absence, the silence... We need to to learn to live on with the memories of better times, and find our peace in our everlasting love..
 
Our loved one may have departed this life. They have not abandoned us, they remain in our pleasant memories. But, they have advanced us into a better place.. in eternity there is no pain, there is a place were they are at peace. We will meet again.. in that peaceful place.

"We cannot change anything until we accept it."
-C. G. Jung, Psychological Reflections

Mourning is forever, there is no real ending point, no time limit. It requires work, and time. It does get better. It does become livable. But the experience of a profound loss, changes us in profound ways.  Love held you together in life, and it will hold you together after things change.  Little things remembered will trigger moments of sadness, but it will also bring back a warm memory of a happier times. We have to give balance to those strong but competing forces. Strolling down memory lane can bring a tear, but it will remind us of that deep and abiding love that only a very few ever experience. How fortunate you really are, to have lived in the rarefied air of true love...

"If you have loved once, you can and will again.. Only a true lover can find love in all it's hiding places"
-C J Morelli

Mourning, and missing are a natural and personal process that only you can set in motion. It cannot be rushed and it cannot happen without your participation. But eventually, and strangely, everything begins to come together, pieces fit and are found that seemed to be forever missing. One day, without notice a soft light begins to emerge and a whisper of life sprouts.. life will return, and you will find peace..

"People only see what they are prepared to see."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Regret, is the longest and loneliness road to heartbreak, bitterness and defeat.

One of the most difficult experiences one can confront, is that of a sudden loss. The one that didn't have to be. Someone taken, at once.. and forever. No one is prepared for that. All we can to do to protect ourselves against those unavoidable but tragic happenings, prayers help, but actions are better.
 
Everyone has to protect themselves against the potential, maybe even the probable, or is it, the eventual... LOVE my FReeper FRiends, love is what is important, showing and accepting love today, NOW, will save the agony of regret tomorrow... and forever..
 
However, the loss that arrives unnoticed, and sleeps in your bed, and eats at your table, the one that avoids confrontation, and says nothing much at all. I speak of the cruel loss of omission.. Allowing a love to die slowly, malnourished.. loss that comes from the pain of neglect.... Love today as if there will be no tomorrow...
 
Living with loss is difficult enough without having regret. Most of us take life and living for granted, and why not, what could change.....  

I love you...

By Chef Carlo J. Morelli,  Falling Leaves from the Diary of a Single dad

[Humal]

Carlo,
This is so beautiful. I have a friend who just loss her 15 1/2 year old pet, and she is devastated. This is good advice for her as well as anyone who has lost a human friend. I will send it to her.

[Howie]

....and life goes on.......

[Alamo-Girl]

What a beautiful poem! Thank you!

[Eva]

"I know whom I believeth, and am persuaded that he is able, to keep that which I've committed unto him against that day."

[CobaltBlue]

Hi Carlo -

Once upon a time, a good friend of mine gave me a secret to coping with loss -

Today it hurts the worst it will ever hurt. Tomorrow, it won't hurt so bad.

Go to sleep, and tomorrow will be a better day.

I love you. Not sure why but maybe it's because I know that you are never ashamed to say "I love you." Or maybe it's because you are a giver.

One more secret - some people are givers and some people are takers. Sometimes takers take advantage of givers. But, you know what? So what! Givers are better people.

[sfRummygirl]

Thank you for the ping....I needed it today.

[185JHP]

"Where there is faith, there is a Voice calling "Keep walking, you're not alone in this world..."

[jellybean]

Strength

Isolation is facing despair alone.
Despair is losing a battle against the fear in our soul.
Fear is a demon that stem from the unknown.
Unknown is a shadow where dark imaginings grow.
Strength gives rise to courage to face fear and the unknown,
even though isolation and despair imprison our souls.

~Simon Tern

[trussell]

Posted by Palladin

I just received word that my youngest sister has been diagnosed with advanced inoperable lung cancer. She has just a few months to live.

I am in shock, still trying to absorb the shock and the pain.

Hey all, looks like Palladin could use some of the best prayer intervention available. Please post your prayer replies to Palladin.

Palladin-my prayers and thoughts are with you. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Blessings,
trussell

[MissAmericanPie]

His sister will be in my prayers tonight.

[SAMWolf]

Prayers offered for your sister and the family.

[rdb3]

Been there, done that, many times (favorite uncle, friends, high school girlfriend who died in a car wreck).

It never gets easier. But we go on.

101 things that the Mozilla browser can do that Internet Explorer cannot.

[RightOnline]

God bless you and your sister, friend. Our prayers are up on your family's behalf.

[trussell]

Prayer ping for FReepers who have posted their needs on this thread. Please post your replies to each one you wish to respond to.

Blessings,
trussell

Posted by WVNan
I lost my favorite uncle on Sat.

Posted by MissAmericanPie
Yesterday my husband was told his cancer has returned, he has weeks or months, they can't tell us. We are still dealing with the shock and dread, but I want to thank you for something I will come back to for comfort eventually. Freeper's are the best.

Posted by Yaelle
My six-year-old has a spot on his spine (X ray) and we will have to wait FOUR LONG WEEKS for an MRI to make sure that it's nothing. We will be the walking wounded until then. If anyone wants to send up a little prayer for the best redheaded boy in the world, please do. Thanks.

Posted by Hope
A friend of my daughter was at my home tonight. His older brother decided to end his life 2 days ago. I cannot even begin to imagine this families agony. Freepers, please say a prayer for Josh and his family tonight.

My prayers going out for all of you. This post is passing your information on the some of the best Prayer warriors around!!

[glock rocks]

When his Mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

ahhhhh... Leo Buscaglia.

[SAMWolf]

Prayers offered for your favorite Uncle, your husband and your family, the best red-headed boy in the world and your daughters friend and her family.

Thanks for the heads up, trussell.

[glock rocks]

I've been quietly praying for over an hour for lots of good folks on this thread tonight. thanks to carlo3b for the wonderful writing. thanks trussell for bringing it to my attention.

this thread is a keeper.

[MissAmericanPie]

Thank you Sam

[MissAmericanPie]

Thank you trussell, I have so much faith in the power of prayer.

[oceanperch]

That was beautiful trussell. Yeppers a lot of prayers going up for many here lately.

I love FR and Friends.

I would like to remember the plight of Richard and the fallout his family suffered.
The fellow who went missing. My prayers for all.

Thanks to NANA for Logan updates..and those who conveyed Brads G and now TC.

Thanks for Salvation for the Catholic Daily Mass thread.

There is so much good here at FR.