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"How to Expose and Torment Liberals"
ChronWatch ^ | Friday, September 19, 2003 | Posted by Jon Alvarez

Posted on 09/20/2003 2:02:18 PM PDT by Forgiven_Sinner

Ever put a dab of peanut butter on the end of your dog's nose? While some consider teasing man's best friend to be a mean source of amusement, it is highly entertaining to watch its frenzied reaction and this ultimately does not hurt the dog.

Another source of entertainment--and one that does not involve man's best friend--is tormenting liberal Americans. These are the same people who over the past year have prided themselves on their mean-spirited attacks on President Bush, so you shouldn't feel bad. We could be talking about Hillary Clinton, or that bandana-wearing, anti-war activist who still lives in his parent's basement, or even the person working next to you. These activities are aimed at not only providing a source of amusement, they are helpful in rooting out closet liberals. Either way, you're sure to have hours of fun and will be able to determine if those you know are either America-loving patriots or self-loathing liberals who prefer to pledge allegiance to the United Nations.

Let's begin with our exercise by introducing you to some basic vocabulary every patriotic American should have at his disposal. Sometimes you can determine if a person is in actuality a liberal simply by using these choice words in your discussions with him. Try interjecting some of these "hot words" into your conversations which will surely garner a negative reaction from a liberal: God, patriotism, stars and stripes, USA, individual responsibility, capitalism, the Pledge of Allegiance, the Ten Commandments, God Bless You (one of my favorites, say it when he sneezes!), love of country, and war. If you do happen to determine that people are liberals, you can simply use these words around them and watch as they twitch and flitter about nervously. This can be not only a source of aggravation to them, but will provide you with hours of fun and amusement.

Another method that is useful in smoking out and tormenting liberals is to make reference to items or events that are a part of our culture and heritage. Invite a liberal to a local parade honoring troops returning from Iraq. This is particularly effective if it is either on a military base or along Main Street of Mayberry R.F.D. Ask if he 'd like to contribute towards a care package you are sending to the troops overseas. If you happen to be driving in the same car, pop in a CD containing certain songs by Toby Keith or Darryl Worley. If you are fortunate enough to know a Hollywood celebrity, ask that person if he is planning on going overseas as part of a USO tour. Liberals will also freak out if you take them to a high school football game where they still play the national anthem prior to kickoff. Better yet, simply wave an American flag around, even one of those little ones you can buy virtually anywhere nowadays. Watching liberals recoil from such a display is so much fun, it will remind you of those old Dracula films, when he would become convulsed when confronted with a cross.

Since we've made the comparison between vampires and liberals, recoiling in fear and disgust to sacred images, let's list some personalities who could be likened to vampire hunters by liberals. The current head vampire-hunter would have to be Ann Coulter. Liberals admittedly hate President Bush, that much is a given. He's the moral equivalent of holy water to them. However, liberals might as well burst into flames when confronted by Ann Coulter. They foam at the mouth; their heads spin around 360 degrees, and begin to speak in some form of ancient language when they run up against Ms. Coulter. Others that give liberals fits, thus granting them instant membership to the Vampire Hunter Hall Of Fame: Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, and Michael Savage. Of course, the meeting hall for the Vampire Hunter League of Justice would be Fox News.

So there you have it folks, a do-it-yourself guide to exposing and tormenting the liberals that hide amongst us. We know they are out there; sometimes it's just hard to spot them. Some of them pose as hard-working Americans, hiding the fact that at night they log on to their computers to receive their instructions from MoveOn.org on how to proceed with handing over U.S. autonomy to the United Nations. If you find yourself suffering from a guilty conscience for tormenting liberals, just pick up a copy of the New York Times and read the latest editorials bashing our noble president. That should put your mind at ease, along with the knowledge that just this week Saddam Hussein quoted the Democratic candidates in his latest taped message broadcast on al-Jazeera. As hard as it may be, we must not let up on liberals as they continue their assault on our country. We must expose them and drive the stake home in order to defeat them.

Jon Alvarez PABAAH: http://www.PABAAH.com


TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: anncoulter; jonalvarez; liberals; pranks; teasing
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"However, liberals might as well burst into flames when confronted by Ann Coulter. They foam at the mouth; their heads spin around 360 degrees, and begin to speak in some form of ancient language when they run up against Ms. Coulter." is my favorite quote in this amusing article.
1 posted on 09/20/2003 2:02:18 PM PDT by Forgiven_Sinner
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
LOL! Good article. And I agree, Ann Coulter would me a most effective way of tormenting a liberal. I'm currently reading her book "Slander". VERY good.
2 posted on 09/20/2003 2:07:34 PM PDT by 4mycountry (You say I'm a brat like it's a bad thing.)
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
Nuclear waste promotes biodiversity and the creation of new species!
3 posted on 09/20/2003 2:11:24 PM PDT by Willie Green (Go Pat Go!!!)
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
The writer left out the most incendiary subjects of all: personal defense, firearms.
4 posted on 09/20/2003 2:14:24 PM PDT by Howie
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
You can ask a person this, "Do you now, or have you ever, owned a pair of Birkenstocks?"
5 posted on 09/20/2003 2:14:50 PM PDT by Welsh Rabbit
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
On Sept. 11 my husband & I drove by a display of 3000 American flags placed as a memorial for those who died in the terrorist attacks.

There was also a display of large yellow ribbons & the names of local men & women serving in the military.

We slowed down a little to pay our respects and the driver behind us started to blast his car horn incessantly.

I stuck an American Flag out the passenger side window and waved it vigorously......he got the message & stopped beeping his horn!
6 posted on 09/20/2003 2:18:47 PM PDT by JulieRNR21 (Take W-04....Across America!)
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
"However, liberals might as well burst into flames when confronted by Ann Coulter. They foam at the mouth; their heads spin around 360 degrees, and begin to speak in some form of ancient language when they run up against Ms. Coulter." is my favorite quote in this amusing article.

I play much of the time on a local forum on my hometown newspaper's site. It is like a Kilingon holadeck program excpet I surround myself with evil liberals to test myself in battle. Ann Coulter is like magic shields button in a video game. You can only invoke her every once in a while, but she is very effective at creating that 360 degree head and REDRUM, REDRUM, mantra thing. She takes a lot of heat for me. Thanks Ann!
7 posted on 09/20/2003 2:20:53 PM PDT by AdA$tra (Hypocricy is the Vaseline of social intercourse....)
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To: Welsh Rabbit
Yeah, but calling someone a "Birkenstock Bolshevik", a "MasterCard Marxist", a "Ben and Jerry's Bohemian" or a "Starbuck's Sandanista" is strictly off limits. ;)
8 posted on 09/20/2003 2:34:44 PM PDT by .cnI redruM (There are two certainties. Death and Texas.)
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To: AdA$tra
That's because Ann pulls no punches. Previous conservative commentators have been all too careful not to say precisely what they meant, since it might make someone feel bad. She not only calls a spade a spade; she also backs up everything she says with references galore. And the Left positively hates her for it.

Freedom, Wealth, and Peace,
Francis W. Porretto
Visit the Palace Of Reason:
http://palaceofreason.com

9 posted on 09/20/2003 2:46:52 PM PDT by fporretto (This tagline is programming you in ways that will not be apparent for years. Forget! Forget!)
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
I'd better follow the Rule:
10 posted on 09/20/2003 2:51:17 PM PDT by Forgiven_Sinner (Praying for the Kingdom of God.)
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
I'd better follow the Rule (attempt 2)
11 posted on 09/20/2003 3:05:36 PM PDT by Forgiven_Sinner (Praying for the Kingdom of God.)
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To: .cnI redruM
MasterCard Marxist

LOL! Good one. I've always just called them Sandalistas....
12 posted on 09/20/2003 3:13:51 PM PDT by Welsh Rabbit
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To: Welsh Rabbit
Vermont is full of what my daughter calls "trustifarians"--hippies with trust funds from their parents.
13 posted on 09/20/2003 3:33:14 PM PDT by Cicero (Marcus Tullius)
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
Hmmm . . . Is Jon inferring that I should put peanut butter on the nose of a liberal . . . or would that be an insult to dogs??? ;-))

.

14 posted on 09/20/2003 3:34:41 PM PDT by GeekDejure
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To: Forgiven_Sinner
dab of peanut butter on the end of your dog's nose

Can't say I've ever done that, but I once saw my cat step on a piece of Scotch tape with his hind paw. He shook his foot so fast, it was a blur. He thought it was my fault, so he hissed and spit at me.

I enjoy invoking a reaction like that when I debate with liberals.

15 posted on 09/20/2003 3:36:35 PM PDT by Marauder (If God lived on earth, liberals would sue Him.)
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To: Welsh Rabbit
, "Do you now, or have you ever, owned a pair of Birkenstocks?"

I can't imagine putting those on. I prefer hiking boots. The heavier and stiffer, the better. One of my irrational fears is being surprised by an intruder while barefoot. I just feel much more confident in boots. It's a lot like why people feel more secure with a firearm by the bedside. Though a liberal would weepily and condescendingly tell me I have unresolved issues with aggression, or some nonsense like that.

16 posted on 09/20/2003 3:50:34 PM PDT by TrappedInLiberalHell (Increasingly alone in a world going to Hill(ary) in a handbasket)
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To: Welsh Rabbit
"Do you now, or have you ever, owned a pair of Birkenstocks?"

AHEM!

17 posted on 09/20/2003 3:55:00 PM PDT by Flyer (Visit the Houston Chapter - http://houstonliberty.com/forums/)
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To: Welsh Rabbit
Yes, continuously.

I live in them.

Your point is?
18 posted on 09/20/2003 4:05:46 PM PDT by TheAngryClam (A proud member of the McClintock Militia)
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To: Flyer
Your secret's safe with me...
19 posted on 09/20/2003 4:06:01 PM PDT by Welsh Rabbit
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To: TheAngryClam
Your point is?

You live and work in Berzerkly (I'm aware of your webapage; it's good!) But you gotta admit, Birkenstocks is not anything any respeactable conservative would want to be associated with...
20 posted on 09/20/2003 4:12:49 PM PDT by Welsh Rabbit
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