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This is the letter that I use to respond to the Nigerian scam artists.

Dear Mr. Abacha:

You have uplifted my self-esteem with your honorable letter. However, the risks of your proposition are great, requiring me to charge a 40% handling fee in order to process the sum of which you speak.

As you know, the Trilateralists, Herman's Hermits, the Elders of Zion, and the Council on Foreign Relations are conspiring with The Man to keep Nigerians in their place. Thus, the danger for me is great. I do not wish to run afoul the guns of Yosemite Sam in this endeavour.

You can repose great confidence in me because I have experience in such transactions. For the past seven years, I have held in safekeeping a large gold cross given to me by my grandfather, William Jennings Bryan.

I am glad that you have done your homework and created a way for us to mutually benefit from the death of your father. With the exception of taxing Californians through the repeal of Proposition 13, there is nothing that I like better than to profit off of dead relatives.

Here is the information that you require to complete our transaction without sinking ships.

Warren E. Buffett
BERKSHIRE HATHAWAY INC.
1440 Kiewit Plaza
Omaha, NE 68131
USA
Phone/Fax (800) 786-6426

Give my regards to Abbas. Ask him if he has any wives that he can sell to me. I have some fine cattle and Pokemon cards that I wish to trade.

Insincerely,

W.E.B.

The Liberians have gotten into the act now. I received a letter from a supposed former assistant to the President of Liberia claiming that he had abscounded with $15 million dollars that was to be used for buying armaments. I replied that " you are the type of a scoundrel that I would hold in complete trust in any business arrangement." Then I sent him to a bank in Hong Kong where I told him I had forwarded the money he requested. All he had to do was arrive at the bank and identify himself.

I love these sites - I spent a whole afternoon reading Scamorama, finishing up in helpless hysterics. My side muscles hurt for an hour.

By the way, I get these emails from time to time. Think I should hook him up with one of the Lads of Lagos?

"Hello,

I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003.
Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me.

Since nobody in this timeline seems to be able to deliver what I need (safely here to me), I will have to build a simple time travel circuit to get where I need myself. While it might be hard to find parts in this time to build anything decent, I need easy to follow schematics from the future to build one which is safe and accurate that will not disrupt the time space continuum with both forward and backward capability accounting for temporal location settings (X, Y, Z, n), which can be built out of (readily available) parts here in 2003. Please email me any plans you have. I will pay good money for anything you send me I can use. Or if you have a dimensional warp generator available, and are 100% certain you have a (safe secure) means of delivering it to me please also reply with a secure way to contact you. Send a separate email to me at:
webmaster@custompaintshop.net

Do not reply back directly to this email as it will only be bounced back to you.

Thank You
Brian Appel

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