THE MARRIAGE STRIKE -- Why Reluctant Males Just Say No!

Iconoclast ^ | August 25, 2003 | by Wendy McElroy

[clintonbaiter]

If we accept the old feminist argument that marriage is slavery for women, then it is undeniable that -- given the current state of the nation's family courts -- divorce is slavery for men.....

[honeygrl]

"What would be nice is if men could get a shot that makes them sterile (for a limited period of time). When they got ready to have kids, they could get another shot to turn all the works back on..."

I wish they would make something like the depo shot for men or birth control pills for men. It sucks that we have to be the ones that have to deal with all the side effects of birth control.

[najida]

I agree...and to me, mens birth control would help end the "She trapped me" senarios that go on.

As for the side effects of birthcontrol, they do stink, don't they :(

[Held_to_Ransom]

NO personal attacks in posts.

Now, sugar, let's talk about that weak act of yours and your motivation for making it.

[honeygrl]

"A woman has the same job as a man, not to lie and treat somwone else of good intentions like a doormat. She played the game but she lost and instead of stepping all over someone else's life, she trashed her own and the child's. So it goes. "

Well, you should have known better than to trust even counting days before her period to be accurate birth control. Women can actually get pregnant even DURING their period, right after it, or right before it if they ovulate at an odd time for some reason. Wear a condom if you don't want a child, or accept the responsibility that comes from not wearing one.

[Zippo44]

"Hmm, maybe that is why I won't get married again...because I really like being alone most of the time."

Here, here! I agree completely with your comment. I have discovered that I like myself more than i like most people I know, male OR female.

So I no longer have that adolescent compulsion to pair off. So what? During the five years I was married, I couldn't understand my dissatisfaction with my life. I resented the intrusion of my wife into my activities and her demand for my thoughts and dreams and felt guilty for that resentment. Over the years since, I have come to realize one simple fact; I am responsible for my own fulfillment, or lack thereof.

So today, my ex-wife and I threw a party to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of our divorce, we are the best of friends, we take vacation trips together and I would not marry her again even at gunpoint. I live platonically with a woman I have been friends with for over fifteen years (I do the cooking and cleaning because I am better at it than her). And before you knee jerk types out there accuse me of some sort of latency, you should know that I have several women friends who are available to me sexually at no more cost than our mutual friendship. Hell, one of them took me on a trip to New Orleans on her nickel last month.

In short, marriage is a societal vehicle for raising the next generation. One can have a happy life without the constraints of matrimony.

[honeygrl]

So what do you think of post #227? Or even the whole thread in general?

[Zippo44]

"So it's a woman's job to prevent pregnancy? If you are having unprotected sex with a woman you aren't married to, you may get what's coming to you, or worse."

I would have to say that it is the job of the one that's going to get the stretch marks. LOL

[Centurion2000]

What would be nice is if men could get a shot that makes them sterile (for a limited period of time). When they got ready to have kids, they could get another shot to turn all the works back on

I think they already have that.

[Conspiracy Guy]

Ahm ouut o hear!

[najida]

In short, marriage is a societal vehicle for raising the next generation. One can have a happy life without the constraints of matrimony.

Exactly! I had the exact same problems when I was married...I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone. It was as if there was no part of me that I wasn't obligated to share...as if he wanted to crack my head open like an old trunk and root around in the contents.

It was that total loss of privacy that drove me near madness. For some, the constant companionship is a good thing. For others, it is hell.

The ideal 'marriage' for me would be someone who lives in town while I live in the country...on the weekends, we visit..then go our own way on Sunday afternoon.

[Conspiracy Guy]

Abandoning your little love child. You must be very proud. You are a beacon of hope for deadbeat dads everywhere and a focus of hate for fatherless children. Give yourself a big old pat on the back. Salute!

[=Intervention=]

You are the epitome of helpfulness, aren't you...promulgating the old tired lie that every time men express emotions, they're whining. Go tell it to Nathaniel Hawthorne.

The double-standard on this is simply amazing. As though men don't hurt, but if they ever did, they can't express it, because the instant they do, it's whining. Bottling up how you feel isn't healthy long-term. But don't let that bother you. Be a real man and be an automaton. Be a real man and don't feel. There you go...

[Texan5]

I think that jerk's ex-wife should hire a lawyer and go after him for back child support. Not to support his kid because their mother LIED? Like, the kid had anything to do with it? He's lucky he found another woman dumb enough to marry him. She probably lives in fear of him doing the same to her if she pisses him off.

[Zippo44]

"The ideal 'marriage' for me would be someone who lives in town while I live in the country...on the weekends, we visit..then go our own way on Sunday afternoon."

Sounds pretty good, but for me my version of non-marital polygamy works best. I have an intellectually stimulating, non-sexual relationship with the lady I share my house with, my ex-wife has two daughters from her second marriage available for those occassions when it is my choice to don my doting uncle persona, one of my sexual friends is a gorgeous, hard drinking, dancing wild woman and another is a staid, mousy, conservative nonentity; until you get her alone and naked, the third is simply a nice lady who thinks the world of me and has asked me to marry her on several occassions.

I have what I consider the best of all worlds. I love women far too much to marry. It would not be fair to the woman I marry to ask her to put up with my idiosyncracies and unrealistic to expect me to change.

[honeygrl]

"I couldn't even go to the bathroom alone. It was as if there was no part of me that I wasn't obligated to share...as if he wanted to crack my head open like an old trunk and root around in the contents. "

My hubby and I still keep the bathroom private. In fact, we both lock the door. We also keep our computers private. We each have our own and stay out of each other's business on the computer. It would drive me crazy too if someone never let me have a little private time or space. I think people who never let you have private time or space must be insecure.

[najida]

I think people who never let you have private time or space must be insecure.

It was a control issue, taken to the extreme (think Sleepin' with the Enemy).

[SauronOfMordor]

Actually, that's the problem. Eighth-grade dropout minimum wage wife/girlfriend-beaters have no end of female attention, and I have been, am, and will be alone. What's the matter with this picture?

The defining characteristic of the "Bad Boy" is that, while he may want A woman, he doesn't NEED any particular woman. He does not need to sacrifice his self-respect to chase after any particular woman. I've been observing my friends who are successful with women, and those unsuccessful, and the characteristic of the successful person is that he has the attitude of "if you hang out with me you will have a good time, but I won't chase you or beg you for a date. I'll ask you ONCE, and if I don't get a yes, I'll ask the next girl in line". My observation is the more guys chase, the less interested the girls are, while the guys who are friendly and approachable, yet not desperate-seeming, get approached and flirted with

[honeygrl]

Paging Lazamataz. :) You should take notes from this guy.. I think his idea may be just what you've been looking for. :-p

[SauronOfMordor]

Oh, and, if "Mr. Right" is supposed to be well-educated and have a good job, but isn't supposed to speak of it, then... You see a problem there?

No real problem. The girls are not going to pay attention to how many degrees you SAY you have, they are going to notice how many subjects you have something intelligent to say. They are not going to pay attention to how much money you SAY you have -- they're going to pay attention to how nice your car is, and how fancy a place you bring them to.

The average woman gets lots of guys who talk about how big they are -- most of them lying. The experienced woman stops paying attention to talk and looks for evidence

[paulklenk]

I like your philosophy!