THE MARRIAGE STRIKE -- Why Reluctant Males Just Say No!

Iconoclast ^ | August 25, 2003 | by Wendy McElroy

[clintonbaiter]

If we accept the old feminist argument that marriage is slavery for women, then it is undeniable that -- given the current state of the nation's family courts -- divorce is slavery for men.....

[Conservababe]

Don't speak of your job until the second or third date.

[HitmanLV]

Gracias! I'm 35, too old to be young, too young to be old, but Ihave known for years that the 'fulfillment' jazz vis a vis career is smoke and mirrors. You are right - most people's contributions are very small in offices. For me, fulfilment is in being independed in my career, and someday being a good husband and father. That's a good ambition, I think! :-)

[Held_to_Ransom]

I left her in poverty for the rest of her life with her damned kid. Looks just like me too, but I haven't even know where he lives for the last thirty years.


It doesn't pay to lie.

Now, I do depend on my second wife, who's a gem. I owe everything to her and she owns everrthing I ever earned, but I love it. She never lied.

[Conservababe]

I left her in poverty for the rest of her life with her damned kid. Looks just like me too, but I haven't even know where he lives for the last thirty years.

How sad.

You are so lucky to have a second wife you can depend on, because you sound like a weak and needy man.

[Euro-American Scum]

Alrighty, moving right along. Have you trolled through the bars lately? lol :)

Please! I much prefer the frying pan to the fire. -:)

[NRA2BFree]

Please! I much prefer the frying pan to the fire. -:)

Hey, that is NOT a problem. I can arrange that for you too. lol :)

[NRA2BFree]

Please! I much prefer the frying pan to the fire. -:)

Hey, that is NOT a problem. I can arrange that for you too. lol :)

[Ta Wee]

"There are, but these guys loathe women. You'll see the same names on these threads, over and over. They don't want decent women, which is just as well since decent women have little use for whiney victims."

Your view on these matters is high suspect, given your prior posts on this topic. Go and do a search on this name and you'll be surprised at what you pull up.

My comment that a lot of men appear to hate women so much they'd probably like to kill them all and create a woman-free paradise? This is surprising? The virulent hatred directed towards ALL women by some males here is the kind of thing, that, if directed towards an ethnic group, would make obvious just how ignorant and biased these guys are. They really should stick with each other and leave women alone.

[Fraulein]

I agree that you can tell a lot about a man by how he treats his mother.

Also, I've never met what is called 'a mama's boy' who didn't absolutely adore women, and they certainly know well how to relate and communicate with women. These men also always need a bit of nurturing from their women. Oh they love it.

I've found that men with cold, rejecting mothers often harbor some anger toward women, and deep-down they never fully trust them. They also like to punish women.

[donmeaker]

Why does marraige have to be like that?

It is in the nature of the beast. If you are married, the young lady will, at some time, decide to find out if the pipes work, and pop out a child. That will focus her on that child, and it should.

With her focused on the child, the husband has to make up any income lost by her time out of work. That focuses him on income or work. She will spend the money gladly, but will often interpret his work-focus as infidelity, in her heart of hearts. She will resent all that she has given up for the sake of the child, and given the usual amount of mental illness present in the American female, will blame her husband for it. This can lead to extreme vengfulness. A husband can not love enough to make up for it.

Don't get me wrong, I like kids. I have 5 of them. 3 withheld by the first wife in the above situation. The second marriage was destroyed by jealousy. Jealousy of the fact that I had a job, and that I refused to swear that I would never have a relationship with my older children.

Just in the modern environment where a woman with kids can always get money from the father, and usually more money and custody too if she is willing to have a lawyer lie for her, well, it is very tempting. A woman has to be able to "walk a mile in her husbands shoes" to understand what he goes through to give her a secure home. Most women can't appreciate what their husband do and can't gain that appreciation for structural reasons.

[donmeaker]

I've been married twice. Both women were unfaithful. I have one child that I raise, out of 5.

We have a legal system that rewards women for infidelity, and punishes men for productivity. Lawyers, psychologists, and pharmacutical companies, even ministers have a vested interest in divorce because it puts money in their pockets.

I put my first wife through medical school after her infidelities so I wouldnt have to pay alimony. She was angry because now she would have to work, and it was all my fault. I have not seen my kids by her in 3 years. May she rot in all the hells, for 10,000 years each.

[msru]

LOL that has happened at EVERY wedding I've ever been to!!!

[najida]

Don't give up hope and relax, the right one will drop a cup of coffee on your foot.... or he may already be right in front of you, just to shy to speak up.

Thank you! I know I will have found the 'right' guy when he looks at my (underconstruction) house loft and doesn't instantly say "Why isn't there a half bath up here?"

[najida]

Marriage is work and risk, but I'd still take it over growing old alone.

Hmm, maybe that is why I won't get married again...because I really like being alone most of the time. That my experiences of being 'with' someone wasn't that good (most of the time). I fear being trapped or unhappy more than any amount of aloneness.

Yeah, alone is scary, but I have seen too many people marry out of fear. That somehow they have less value if they ain't part of a couple. That being alone is curse greater than cellulite, wrinkles and back-taxes.

What they have aren't marriages of love, but of 'better than aloneness'. I even know of a couple in their very early twenties who admit to not having a great love, but 'settling' because they didn't want to be alone.

To me, learning to be alone is like overcoming your fear of the dark, spiders or heights. Once you pass through that fear, the other side is pretty wonderful. No insult to any man (because I really love men), but he will have to be a very special man to make me want to give up what I have right now. I have a really good cake, so he would will have to be the icing.

[honeygrl]

Where do you meet these women you describe? In bars? I don't even know any women like that. Of course most of the women I know are married to kind, considerate, polite, respectful, clever, well-educated men.

[honeygrl]

"But how many marriages are started because little sweet thing 'forgot' to count the days until her period? Once started with a lie, likely destined to end the same way."

So it's a woman's job to prevent pregnancy? If you are having unprotected sex with a woman you aren't married to, you may get what's coming to you, or worse.

[najida]

What would be nice is if men could get a shot that makes them sterile (for a limited period of time). When they got ready to have kids, they could get another shot to turn all the works back on...

[honeygrl]

"I left her in poverty for the rest of her life with her damned kid. Looks just like me too, but I haven't even know where he lives for the last thirty years"

Gee, what a great dad you are. /sarcasm So her pregnancy was not your fault in ANY way? It takes two to make a baby. Abandoning that baby just because you don't like his mother is a crappy thing to do.

[Held_to_Ransom]

A woman has the same job as a man, not to lie and treat somwone else of good intentions like a doormat. She played the game but she lost and instead of stepping all over someone else's life, she trashed her own and the child's. So it goes.