How to talk right in Chicago

1. Grachki (grach'-key) is Chicago for "Garage Key" as in, "Yo, Theresa, waja do wit da grachki? Howmy supposta cut da grass if don't git intada grach?''

2. Uptadaendada (up-ta-da-en'-dada) as in, "Joey, you kin ride yur bike uptadaendada alley but not acrost or I'll bust yur butt..."

3. Sammich. Chicagoese for sandwich. When made with sausage, it's a sassage sammich; with shredded beef, it's an Italian beef sammich, a local delicacy consisting of piles of spicy meat in a perilously soggy bun.

4. Da. The definite article is a key part of Chicago speech, as in "da tree bears" or "da Mare" -- the latter denoting, or as long as he wants it to, Richard M. Daley, or Richie, as he's often known.

5. Jewels. Not family heirlooms or a tender body region, but a popular appellation for one of the region's dominant grocery chains, to wit, "I'm goin' to da Jewels to pick up some sassage." As in most Chicago pluralizations, the "S" is pronounced with a hissing sound, rather than the usual "Z" sound of American pluralization.

6. Field's: Marshall Field, a prominent Chicago department store. Also Carson Pirie Scott, a major department store chain, is called "Carson's," etc.

7. Tree. The number between two and four. "We were lucky dat we only got tree inches of snow da udder night"

9. Over by dere. i.e. "over by there," a prolix way of emphasizing a site presumed familiar to the listener. As in, "I got the sassage at da Jewels down on Kedzie, over by dere.'

10. KaminskiPark. Perhaps the high concentration of ethnic Poles makes people want the White Sox to be playing in this mythical ballpark, rather than in their true home, Cellular Field formerly known as Comiskey Park.

11. Frunchroom as in, "Getottada frunchroom wit dose muddy shoes.'' It's not the "parlor." It's not the "living room." In the land of the bungalow, it's the "frunchroom," a named derived, linguists believe, from "front room."

13. Downtown. Anywhere south of the zoo and north of Soldier Field near the lake.

14. BoysTown: A section on Halsted Ave., between Belmont and Addison, which is lined with gay bars on the west and east sides of the street. "Didn't I see uze in Boystown in front of da Manhole?"

16. Cashbox: Traffic reporter slang for tollbooths. "Dere's a delay at da cashbox on da Skyway"

17. Goes: Past or present tense of the verb "say." For example, "Then he goes, 'I like this place'!"

18. Guys: Used when addressing two or more people, regardless of each individual's gender.

20. Sliders: Nickname for hamburgers from White Castle, a popular Midwestern burger chain "Dose sliders I had last night gave me da runs"

21. The Taste: The annual Taste of Chicago Festival, a huge extravaganza in Grant Park featuring samples of Chicagoland's fine cuisine. Takes place around and before the Fourth of July holiday.

23. Winter and Construction: Punch-line to the joke, "what are the two seasons in Chicago?"

Ha!!!! I've been waiting to post this again!!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM CHICAGO IF...

The "Living Room" is called the "front room" (pronounced fronchroom)
You don't pronounce the "s" at the end of Illinois.You become irated at people who do.
You measure distance in minutes (especially "from the city"). And you swear everything is pretty much 15 minutes away.
You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Plaines."
Your school classes were canceled because of cold.
Your school classes were canceled because of heat.
You've never had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
Stores don't have sacks, they have bags.
You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. "Where's my coat at?","If you go to the mall I wanna go with"
Your idea of a great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun,"everything" is on it and a side of slice of dill pickle.
You carry jumper cables in your car.
You drink "pop.", and think soda has Ice cream, and whipped cream, oh yeah, with crumpled nuts and a cherry on top.
You understand that I-290, I-90, I-94, and I-294 are all different roads.
You know the names of the interstates: Stevenson, Kennedy, Eisenhower, Dan Ryan, and the Edens. But you call the interstates "expressways."
You refer to anything South of I-80 as "Southern Illinois."
You refer to Lake Michigan as "The Lake."
You refer to Chicago as "The City."
"The Super Bowl" refers to one specific game in a series of 35 played in January of 1986.
No matter where you are, when you hear the term "Downtown" you assume they're talking about Downtown Chicago.
You have two favorite football teams: The Bears, and anyone who beats the Packers!
You buy "The Trib."
You think 35 degrees is great weather to wash your car!
You know what goes on a Chicago Style Hot Dog.
You know what Chicago Style Pizza REALLY is.
You know why they call Chicago "The Windy City."
You understand what "lake-effect" means.
You know the difference between Amtrak and Metra, and know which station they end up at.
You have ridden the "L."
You can distinguish between the following area codes: 847, 630, 773, 708, 312, & 815
You have at some time in your life, used your furniture to guard your parking spot in winter, (A CHICAGO CLASSIC!!)
You refer to a specific group of people as "Yous guys"
You respond to the question "Where are you from" with a "side","WEST SIDE", "SOUTH SIDE" or "NORTH SIDE."
You know what the phone number is to Empire Carpet!
You know that "a Beef" is, A) an Italian spiced sandwich, B) a proposed disagreement, C) the missing substance of a situation and not a living soul outside of Chicago knows what in the Hell your talking about!

Ok, You want the recipe to a Chicago Beef... You have to follow the rules! First sit down.... be sure you are alone!!!! Make sure nothing is crossed! (we have eyes everywhere) If I give you this recipe, you must belong to "the secret society", and must take "The Oath"... repeat after me:
"I L*#@," ......use your own last name, maiden name preferred, that one never changes...... I digress ..."I promise to accept this, 'Carlo's Chicago Beef recipe, the one just like Carm's on Cicero Av., the greatest in the know universe'", you have to say the whole thing ....sigh ......."and that my tongue will fall off if I change one thing, or tell anyone other than blood relative", preferably sons because they will never marry a girl that can be as good as Mom, and we all know daughters don't want to cook anyway.... hehhhehe!!... you especially can not give it your idiot sister-in-law, or your (make sure there is nothing liquid in your mouth when you say this name) mother-in law, as if you'd want that old bat to produce anymore of those 'special meals' for your 'hen pecked fat Momma's boy' husband anyway!! Back to the oath...... "I will follow this recipe to the letter, and think of THE CLINTON LEGACY COOKBOOK, as I chew every morsel" ....and that "none of those other moron chef's on the stupid TV( that French pigmy or even Bam Bam) have ever brought you such a gift as a 'Beef Sandwich to die for', only Carlo3b" you have to say the whole thingy, or it won't work, ... "CARLO RULES" three times! OK your in!! Chicago-Style Italian Beef Sandwiches
Ingredients:
Oven 325* at 25 minutes per pound
2 oz real Olive Oil, (not the wimpy extra virgin stuff, limp-wristed chef's try to pass off) we all know Virgin anything is a lie!
1 5 to 7 pound rump roast
2 C. of boiling water
2 bouillon cubes (beef flavor)
1 t. each: dried marjoram, thyme and oregano
1 t. hot pepper sauce, or more if you like it hot, or use less if you like it more mild
salt and pepper to taste, go easy on the salt because the bouillon is salty!
2 T. Worcestershire Sauce
1 or more garlic cloves, I use at least 6, peeled and mashed
6 cloves of garlic, small to medium, chopped ( the smaller the cloves the stronger in flavor), or 1 T. granulated garlic
1/2 C. chopped green pepper
2 whole large peppers (I use 1 green, and 1 red, just for color)
1 T. Hot jardinière peppers (optional) These are called different brand names, but they are the chopped mixed vegs in oil.
Italian or Vienna bread, French or any hard, crusty bread, you will need at least 2 loaves, slice down the center, lengthwise, but not all the way through to the other side, then cut in serving size pieces.

Instructions:
Place roast on a rack, in an open roasting pan, I use an 9" X 13" baking pan with the rack in it. Pre-heat oven to 325*, allowing 25 minutes per pound, roast will be rare. Cool, and slice very thin, I use an electric slicer to do this. To the drippings in the pan, add the boiling water, bouillon cubes or granules (1 bouillon cube for each C. of boiling water used). You may add an extra cup of water if you wish following the formula, but include a teaspoon of garlic powder.

Peppers;
Place, each pepper, cut in half and rubbed in oil under pre heated Broiler close to heat source, or even better, over an open flame until they blacken or blister! remove skin and inners, ribs and seeds, and slice and store in olive oil, until ready to use (they freeze well). When ready to place on sandwich, first dip in Beef sauce, and slice those bad boy inside, and soak in juice.....OHMYGAWD
I know you know, everything gets better, (execpt your cat) after being left a couple of hours in the refrigerator, they all freeze well and can be rejuvenated in microwave.

I have encoded this recipe in the book with a diversionary ingredient to throw off any liberals that might want to copy it!
Chopped green pepper...shushhhhhhhhhhh, Any real Italian from Chicago would never put that in their mouth anyway! Enjoy

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