Dead Horses

email

[Sir Gawain]

DEAD HORSES

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

In the Public Service, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies is often employed, such as:

1. Change riders.

2. Buy a stronger whip.

3. Do nothing: "This is the way we have always ridden dead horses".

4. Visit other countries to see how they ride dead horses.

5. Perform a productivity study to see if lighter riders improve the dead horse's performance.

6. Hire a contractor to ride the dead horse.

7. Harness several dead horses together in an attempt to increase the speed.

8. Provide additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.

9. Appoint a committee to study the horse and assess how dead it actually is.

10. Re-classify the dead horse as "living-impaired".

11. Develop a Strategic Plan for the management of dead horses.

12. Rewrite the expected performance requirements for all horses.

13. Modify existing standards to include dead horses.

14. Declare that, as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overheads, and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line than many other horses.

15. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.

[Sir Gawain]

I haven't seen this before. Too true.

[HiTech RedNeck]

don't forget these folks

[HairOfTheDog]

Bay says all this talk of dead horses is very upsetting.

Very funny post!

[Liberal Classic]

You're a sadistic, necrophilic equiphile. But that's beating a dead horse.

[alisasny]

Just make the DEAD Horse Senator LOL

[ecurbh]

Bay has internet access?

[SGCOS]

[HairOfTheDog]

Yeah - had to get him a really big keyboard.... having just one really big finger and all.

[wbill]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender comes up and says "Hey pal, what will it be?" The horse orders a beer.

A few minutes later, John Kerry walks in and sits at the bar. The bartender walks up and says "Hey pal, cheer up. Why the long face?"

:-)

[TexasRepublic]

Bay should try voice-recognition software instead.

[OXENinFLA]

16. Watch the Dems. talk about Judicial nominees.

[SLB]

Great post

[stainlessbanner]

Develop a "diversity plan" to have multi-cultural dead-horses

[stainlessbanner]

Outsource dead horses from overseas

[BradyLS]

16. Run federally funded ads promoting the dead horse.

17. Declare the dead horse a key player in the War on Terror and/or Drugs.

18. Elevate the dead horse to a cabinet level agency.

19. Appoint a House or Seate Subcommittee (or perhaps a Presidential Council) to oversee dead horses.

20. Run on a platform to subsidize/increase funding for the dead horse.

[BradyLS]

Outsource dead horses from overseas

OR impose tarrifs favoring dead horse from the U.S.</p

[BradyLS]

21. Promote Historically Underutilized dead horses.

22. Give extra points for service with dead horses on Civil Service exams.

23. Create a college curriculum featuring dead horses and allow degrees in Dead Horse Studies. Yes! Dean of Dead Horse Studies!

24. Declare dead horse habitats to be federally protected.

25. Issue unfunded mandates to the states for the protection of dead horses. Tie the mandates to federal highway and education funds.

[Delta 21]

1. Buying a bigger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse."
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Hire a consultant to study the horse.
6. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
7. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.
8. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.
9. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.
10. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.
11. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead."
12. Hire contractors to ride the dead horse.
13. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.
14. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
15. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
16. Do a CA Study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.
17. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.
18. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.
19. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.
20. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.
21. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
22. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.
23. Claim that "The other guys' horse is deader than ours."

I am quite fond of this list and dont know where you got such a butchered version of it.

Here is the full list for future reference.

#14 is my favorite.

[Victoria Delsoul]

Very funny. Thanks Gawain.