Happy Cows, Desperate PETA

USA News and Views ^ | 08/05/03 | Paul Walfield

[westgirl123]

PETA (people for the ethical treatment of animals) has done some outrageous things in the name of getting more donations, so they can keep their jobs and organization viable. Things like writing and publicizing a letter to Yassir Arafat asking him to make sure that he sees to it that the next suicide bomber not set off his bomb near animals, and just aim to kill people. PETA is also famous for offering various cities across the globe 10 to 15 thousand dollars to change their name from Hamburg to a more vegetable sounding name. PETA people have even attacked Victoria Secret photo shoots.

[BunnySlippers]

I chuckle every time I see the happy cows billboards ... the blue skies, the white billowing clouds, the wide green pastures ... and the cows with smiles. :)

[Ippolita]

by Dana Lyons

Cows With Guns
--
Fat and docile, big and dumb
They look so stupid, they aren't much fun
Cows aren't fun

They eat to grow, grow to die
Die to be et at the hamburger fry
Cows well done

Nobody thunk it, nobody knew
No one imagined, the great cow guru
Cows are one

He hid in the forest, read books with great zeal
He loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary veal
Cow Tse Tounge

He spoke about justice, but nobody stirred
He felt like an outcast, alone in the herd
Cow doldrums

He mooed we must fight, escape or we'll die
Cows gathered around, cause the steaks were so high
Bad cow pun

But then he was captured, stuffed into a crate
Loaded onto a truck, where he rode to his fate
Cows are bummed

He was a scrawny calf, who looked rather woozy
No one suspected he was packing an Uzi
Cows with guns

They came with a needle to stick in his thigh
He kicked for the groin, he pissed in their eye
Cow well hung

Knocked over a tractor and ran for the door
Six gallons of gas flowed out on the floor
Run cows run!

He picked up a bullhorn and jumped up on the hay
We are free roving bovines, we run free today

CHORUS:
We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the buffalo, or die
Cows with guns.

They crashed the gate in a great stampede
Tipped over a milk truck, torched all the feed
Cows have fun

Sixty police cars were piled in a heap
Covered in cow pies, covered up deep
Much cow dung

Black smoke rising, darkening the day
Twelve burning McDonald's, have it your way

The President said "enough is enough
these uppity cattle, it's time to get tough"
Cow dung flung

The newspapers gloated, folked sighed with relief
Tomorrow at noon, they would all be ground beef
Cows on buns

The cows were surrounded, they waited and prayed
They mooed their last moos, they chewed their last hay
Cows outgunned

The order was given to turn cows to whoppers
Enforced by the might of ten thousand coppers
But on the horizon surrounding the shoppers
Was the deafening roar of chickens in choppers

CHORUS:
We will fight for bovine freedom
And hold our large heads high
We will run free with the buffalo, or die.
Cows with guns!

[4mycountry]

I'm a member of the Texas PETA:

People
Eating
Tasty
Animals

[HamiltonJay]

California basically stole a 1950s slogan from wisconsin regarding Dairy... anyone old enough to remember where contented cows come from?

Progressive state my butt, ripping off a 50 year old tagline... that's the california way.

[Ayn Rand wannabe]

I heard that song for the first time this year at school! I laughed so hard I was crying!

[Buck W.]

...or, People Embarrassing the Tidewater Area (PETA is based in Norfolk).

[oyez]

Carnation?

[conservativeharleyguy]

Hey, if God didn't want us to eat cows, why did he make 'em out of meat?

or:

I love cows! They taste just like steak.

or:

I love chickens! They taste like everything.

[SwinneySwitch]

A short history of Hamburg!

"The history of Hamburg starts in the year AD825 with the building of the "Hammaburg", a moated castle built between the Alster and Elbe rivers. This was apparently a combination of earth works and a wooden palisade type of fortress. The second part of the name is clearly "-burg" for "castle", but there are three contenders for the origin of the "Ham-" part. These are reported as being:
-Ham = River Bank in the Saxon tongue of the time or
-Hamme being the name of the Beech woods that surrounded the area and were used in building the walls of the fortress or
-Something fixed in a marshy area; again presumably in the then local dialect."

We shall never know which, but Ham had nothing to do with pigs or cows, PETA!!!

[steplock]

Happy Cows - Blue Bell Ice Cream - from Brenham, Texas!

They even SING!

[gr8eman]

Ham means pork meat, damn it!!! Everyone knows that!!! Liar!!!

[gr8eman]

I vote for the river bank name for the Hansestadt!

[Thoro]

Not all cows are happy. Have you ever heard some cow poetry? The following is courtesy of Gary Larson's Cow Poetry Class:

Distant Hills

The distant hills call to me.
Their rolling waves seduce my heart.
Oh, how I want to graze in their lush valleys.
Oh, how I want to run down their green slopes.
Alas, I cannot.
Damn the electric fence!
Damn the electric fence!

[TheSpottedOwl]

Ahhh, the power of cheese!

[wbill]

"Bummer of a Birthmark, Carl."

[itzmygun]

I used to run an anti-PETA website and got into several arguments with them. Once I even made a PETA member admit their stupidity using this argument:

If you use your money and power to save a human life, in thirty years that person could possibly have a great impact on humanity. He or she could discover a cure for cancer, invent an engine that would allow us to travel to the stars, or negotiate peace in a time of war.
If you use your money and power to save a chicken, in thirty years you have a stupid smelly chicken.

[austinTparty]

You forgot the Flash Version.

[SonnyBubba]

PETA is anti-killing animals, but will support the
Hell out of aborting a Human baby.