Posted on 08/03/2003 9:42:49 AM PDT by Dog Gone
How low can we go? I am talking, of course, about today's waistbands.
If you thought the belly-baring thing was bad enough, take a good look at the sartorial depths to which fashion has now sunk. The Los Angeles Times last week declared it "the summer of the pelvic bone." Last year's already obscene low-riders have gone the way of high-water polyester pants.
Today's hip-huggers have almost nothing but hope to hang onto anymore. The "normal" inseam-to-waist rise of 8 to 9 inches is shrinking faster than Britney Spears' record sales. To wit, Levi's has introduced a new line of jeans called "Too Superlow" for women. Upping the ante, or should I say lowering it, the teenage-girl brand Gasoline markets "Down2There" -- adjustable low-rise jeans with a built-in bungee cord designed to help the wearer drop her pants to even nastier nadirs.
Canadian teen singer Avril Lavigne's perilously sagging pants are a global youth phenomenon. "My butt crack showing is like my trademark," she gracefully explained to a music reporter. Salon.com writer Janelle Brown approves: "(T)he butt crack is the new cleavage, reclaimed to peek seductively from the pants of supermodels and commoners alike."
The late Sen. and social critic Daniel Patrick Moynihan's famous phrase "Defining deviancy down" has taken on a whole new meaning.
Grown-ups, be forewarned: Avril's fashion nonsense is seeping into other markets. Levi's recently launched a "Dangerously Low" line for men. Another of its low-rise men's lines is dubbed, appropriately enough, "Offender." Actor Brad Pitt has popularized the Diesel brand low-risers. Toronto-based writer Jim Oldfield says the trend has overwhelmed mainstream men's stores and orders are already piling up for the fall. One Canadian merchant helpfully advised Oldfield that hip men are wearing the jeans commando-style.
In other words: "Underwear is, like, not required."
Even expectant women can't escape these drooping duds. Popular young actress and mom-to-be Kate Hudson has been photographed parading around in low-rise cargo pants and toddler-sized crop tops to show off her growing belly. At a recent trip to my neighborhood mall's maternity store, the only jeans in my size were ridiculous low-risers with flared bottoms that needed hiking every time I exhaled.
Trust me: This nouveau plumber's crack chic does not look any better on the overweight guy crouching under your kitchen sink than it does on a six-months-pregnant lady trying to bend over to pick up her toddler without mooning the world.
What will it take to convince the current cohort of exhibitionistas that sleaze is not sexy -- that less is not always more, that low is low-class? If Generation X-rated can't be persuaded to cover up out of moral necessity, perhaps they will listen to medical authority. A warning about the health hazards of low-rise pants was published in the Canadian Medical Association six months ago. According to Dr. Malvinder Parmar, a painful condition called "meralgia paresthetica" is causing wearers of hip-huggers to experience "tingling or a burning sensation" in the thighs.
Dr. Parmar's treatment: four to six weeks in -- the horror! -- loose-fitting dresses. Must have been worse than swallowing cod liver oil.
Avril and Britney and Brad need to show their fans that a little extra fabric is not a death sentence. The late Kate Hepburn melted hearts while fully clothed in turtlenecks and roomy, belted trousers. She was a "hottie" who showed us her cheekbones, and left the rest where it should be left: to the imagination.
Alas, modesty has been long out of vogue. But it's a fashion rule of thumb that what's out eventually becomes in. The day when "clothed is the new naked" can't come soon enough.
Malkin is a nationally syndicated columnist based in North Bethesda, Md. malkin@comcast.net
I will also give thanks to your generation, I truly believe if it wasn't for your generation taking an active role with us gen-Xers we (and by we I also mean America) would really, really be screwed up. Having your generation around is the thing Gen-Y will miss out on most.
Even though they were boomers I was lucky to have good parents however I have seen how having the me-me-me generation as parents has really messed a lot of my generation up. Especially the re-live their failures through their kids types (i.e. The parents of Jon Bone Ramsey)
I couldn't agree with you more.
Seeing Boomers trash X-ers is far more nauseating than fat chicks in low rise jeans. They are the hypocrite generation.
Boy, is my face red.
And the Boomer teachers I had were America-hating (any obscene noun) whereas the pre-Boomer ones acted as teachers were supposed to.
I've read that when Social Security first came out, there were fifteen workers for every recipient. Currently there are three workers for every recipient and soon it will only be two workers for every recipient.
Things are going to get interesting.
The Czech Republic is facing these same demographics. Over there, the government actually *encourages* smoking!
It is from your generation that the Clinton's spawned from and it wasn't until the Gen-Xers all reached voting age until we finally got a Republican congress.The voters on the cusp between the "boom" and "Gen X" supported Reagan 2-1, made up most of the "Desert Storm" military, and started the entreprenurial-based technology boom.
-Eric
I believe Ms. Malkin is in her early 30s.
Hip huggers with halter tops were all the rage, long and short. Remember those hip hugger short shorts?
Worn with striped tube socks that went up to your knees.
I remember Jr. High in 1982 when short-shorts were still popular for girls. A dress code was passed that said no girls may wear short-shorts with slits up the side to class. Outraged, the girls protested by wearing their regulation gym shorts to class. The gym shorts were, you guessed it, very short with slits up the sides.
The word "like" in the sentence above is, like, not required either.
Fixed your, like, typo...
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