New NFL Team Slogans! (my title)

ESPN Online ^ | 7/31/03 | Eric Immerman

[TheBigB]

When NFL marketing personnel gather during training camp to plan for the upcoming season, one of their most important tasks is to come up with a catchy team slogan that excites the fans, spurs ticket sales, and accurately represents the direction the team is heading.

As luck would have it, Page 2 was leaked the official 2003 marketing slogans for all 32 NFL teams.

Arizona Cardinals: "At Least It Will Be A Dry 3-13."

Atlanta Falcons: "Helping Displaced Northerners Avoid Truck-Related Sports Since 1966."

Baltimore Ravens: "Are You Ready For Some Futbol-Like Scores?"

Buffalo Bills: "Knock, Knock? Who's There? Drew Bledsoe. Drew Bledsoe Who? Drew Bledsoe Much From A Hit In The Pocket That He Passed Out, So, Like, The Least You Could Do Is Buy A Four Game Ticket Plan."

Carolina Panthers: "Zero To 60 Points In 12 Games Flat!"

Chicago Bears: "Keep Telling Yourself Last Season Was Just A Fluke -- Just Like You Told Yourself You'd Travel For A Year And Then Go To College."

Cincinnati Bengals: "Only 367,200 Minutes 'Till We Make Our Selection."

Cleveland Browns: "You Don't Live In Cincinnati, You Live In Cleveland ... So Let The Potentially Crippling Projectile Objects Fly!"

Dallas Cowboys: "As Seen Last Year On The Popular HBO Series, Oz."

Denver Broncos: "Hey Look, We've Got Plummer's Butt."

Detroit Lions: "New Coach. New Beginnings. New Horizons Of Unfulfillment And Dissatisfaction."

Green Bay Packers: "Millions Of Animals Were Harmed In The Making Of This Team Nickname."

Houston Texans: "We Still Have That New Carr Smell."

Indianapolis Colts: "Remember: You Can't Spell Indianapolis Without 'No D.'"

Jacksonville Jaguars: "A Refreshing Break From Watching The Underarm Wattles Of Elderly Floridians Flail About As They Wave Their Bingo Cards."

Kansas City Chiefs: "Come See A Priest Run Wild --Without All The Catholic Guilt."

Miami Dolphins: "Seau! Seau! Seau! No, Seriously, 'Say Ow,' Because Our Inflated Ticket Prices Are Painful."

Minnesota Vikings: "Proud Home Of Several Defensive Players Good Enough To Play On Saturdays."

New England Patriots: "75 Rushing Yards Allowed The First Minute, 25 Rushing Yards Allowed Each Additional Minute."

New Orleans Saints: "Tired Of Watching Beautiful Coeds Take It All Off On Bourbon Street? Well, Check Out The Superdome's 'Shirtless Breasty Men Gone Wide,' Featuring Uninhibited, Bosomy Males With Perilously High Caloric Intake Baring It All!"

New York Giants: "Snap. Tackle. Flop!"

New York Jets: "What Happens In The Meadowlands, Stays In The Meadowlands ... Um, Right Up Until Dan Snyder's Helicopter Picks It Up And Transports It Back To Redskins Park."

Oakland Raiders: "Our Veterans Have Been Playing Since The Beatles Arrived On The Scene...Not The Band, The Life Form!"

Philadelphia Eagles: "Kids Under 12 Arraigned Free!"

Pittsburgh Steelers: "Ask Us About Our New Kordelless Service: Guaranteed To Result In Better Reception."

San Diego Chargers: "This Year's Theme Is Marty-Gras...And Our Defense Is Giving Up Big Pass Plays For Lent."

San Francisco 49ers: "Straight Guys (In Glorified Capri Pants) For The Queer Eye."

St. Louis Rams: "We Added Jason Sehorn To Spruce Up Our Defense-Which Is Kind Of Like Adding A Rear Spoiler To Spruce Up Your Geo."

Seattle Seahawks: "We're Okeafor Now, Thanks."

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: "Jon Gruden's Ego, Official Site of Super Bowl XXXVIII."

Tennessee Titans: "The Best Thing To Happen To Tennessee Since Arrested Development."

Washington Redskins: "J-E-T-S--Jets, Jets, Jets!"

[TheBigB]

I'm sure our creative FReepers can come up with even better ones!

[JennysCool]

Ping (or is it Punt?)

[NeoCaveman]

Football ping:
The Cleveland Browns: Good seats still available for our game vs. the Bengals, in Cincinatti of course.

[alancarp]

Carolina Panthers: Filling the gap between NASCAR and the College Hoops season. (Oh - there isn't a gap? Uh-oh...).

[never4get]

Please explain to me how the NFL is ruined by "institutionalized racism".

[tophat9000]

St. Louis Rams:Yea we know that murdering bitch stole your team

From a still disgruntle LA Rams fan with still no team

[kevkrom]

I don't get the Redskins/Jets references, so I'll add my own 'skins entry:

Washington Redskins: We attempt more passes than former President Clinton

[discostu]

BWAHAAHAHA That's funny.

[Argh]

HAH!!

[al_c]

Dallas Cowboys: "As Seen Last Year On The Popular HBO Series, Oz."

Such a tired old joke. There's no one left on the team from that era. Just a bunch of idiots that can't play football now.

[gnarledmaw]

Green Bay Packers: "Fleecing Wisconsin with taxes to feed Chicago one sheeple at a time."

[Grando Calrissian]

You are correct. It sucks that when a White player scores a touchdown, it's only counted as 5 points.

[mr.pink]

I'm cuurently in DC and have taken to calling them the Jetskins.

DC's an unbelievable football crazy town with a great and loyal fan base....a shame their owner doesn't have the slightest clue.

[NeoCaveman]

The Pittsburgh Steelers: My how things have gone down hill since the 1970's

Or

The Pittsburgh Steelers: Please come back we dumped the gay quarterback ;^)

[Argh]

Is Cordell gay? We don't get told anything in Canaduh.

[mr.pink]

Isn't the great Darren Woodson still with the team?

Also, the young safety is a monster. Parcells always said his one regret was not having the chance to coach Ronnie Lott....this guy's as close as he's gonna' get.

[b4its2late]

St. Louis Rams: "We Added Jason Sehorn To Spruce Up Our Defense-Which Is Kind Of Like Adding A Rear Spoiler To Spruce Up Your Geo."

A broken rear spoiler that won't be able to be used until at least October 2003.

[NeoCaveman]

It's a rumor, who knows.

[CollegeRepublican]

The Redskins picked up several of the Jets best skill players in the offseason.