Congressman Billybob Sez: Why I Hate Lawyers

BB's website, special to FR ^ | 15 July 2003 | Congressman Billybob (J. Armor, Esq.)

[Congressman Billybob]

I'm delighted that this, my 359th weekly column, is my first submission for "The Corner," FreeRepublic writers posted up on Townhall. (See separate thread put up by Bob J, earlier today.)

I think most FReepers, including FReeping lawyers, will nod their heads in agreement with this. Lemme know.

[Support Free Republic]

The former President disembarks from his airplane after a trip back to Arkansas. Although the hoopla is less now that he is out of office, Clinton still occasionally finds himself greeted by military personnel. This is one such occasion.

He climbs down the stairs, carrying two huge pigs, one under each arm. He gets to the bottom, and nods his head in return to the soldier's salute. "Son, what do you think about these?" he says. "Nice pigs, SIR!" comes the reply. Clinton gets mildly miffed and lectures, "I'll have you know these aren't just pigs but the finest of Arkansas Razorbacks. Top notch. I got one for Hillary, and one for Chelsea. What do you think about that?"

"Nice trade, SIR!

Free Republic

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[annyokie]

Lawyers are a neccesary evil, IMO. Mine has many thousands of my dollars and is tardy about returning phone calls, and ambiguous in reply.

[eureka!]

*nodding head in agreement*

Well done. Very well done CB.......

[RonF]

Didn't read the posting, I confess, and I will. But the title reminds me of an "L.A. Law" episode. Some sleazy businessman, who'd been cheating innocent people for years, was on trial. He'd managed to make his character an issue in the trial, and the lawyer (one of the L.A. Law associates) was grilling him on the details of one sleazy deal after another. The defendant didn't hold up. In fact, he had a heart attack and died, falling forward out of the stand. The lawyer, literally standing over the body, asked the judge to grant a restraining order preventing the businessman's heirs from disposing of the man's estate until the lawsuits were adjudicated. The judge admonished him for being insensitive, but the lawyer persisted, pointing out that if the order wasn't granted, the man's heirs could take them money and flee the court's juristiction, keeping the cheated parties from getting redress. After some more moralizing, the judge granted the motion.

Back at the office, the lawyer was being grilled by his peers and superiors. The peers were impressed and congratulatory. His superiors were worried about how this affected the law firm's image. "What kind of lawyer is this?" one asked.

Answered the quietest and least-assuming lawyer in the firm: "The kind people hire."

Everyone hates lawyers who are sons of bitches. Until they go to hire one, and then they want one who's the worst son of a bitch in the world.

[colorado tanker]

(Head nodding)

[liberallarry]

With all due respects Congressman, your view of history is very selective. Shakespeare, and many others both before and since, have had very unkind things to say about lawyers.

The truth is they are an accurate reflection of human nature but are hated because they are feared. They're hired guns...and dangerous.

American society is changing as all societies do. For better or worse is hard for the living to determine. The causes are even less accessable.

[Harlequin]

Only one source for the DNC talking points, and that source is Doug Thompson? This 'one source' stuff is getting out of hand.

While I have no problem with the premise of the article ('money corrupts, and it corrupts lawyers along with everyone else'), I'm having a little trouble with the dot-connecting. Not all lawyers are trial lawyers -- many are corporate lawyers who wield their skills at the behest of their 'corporate person' client to do quite bad things to real people. Others are well-regarded defense lawyers who have done real good, not for money, but for justice (c.f. - The Innocence Project) in countering the tendency of government to convict the convenient victim, instead of the correct criminal.

So, other than the corrupting influence of money, why *has* the profession of attorney gone from the civilizing heights of John Adams to the degraded depths of Johnny Cochran?

[The Brush]

I'm in favor of a lottery in which the winner can, upon presenting his evidence, kill the lawyer who lied, bent, stalled, or otherwise damaged another person out of greed.
We could probably fund our entire military budget for years.

[SpaceBar]

As a class of people, lawyers are responsible collectively for the most human misery, and contribute the least to society. You have to wonder about someone who spends their entire professional career honing the skills needed to screw people to the wall with arcane language and money. Also, lawyers are the only class of "professionals" who claim to know every subtle nuance of their trade the day they graduate. In an ideal world there would be no use for lawyers, save perhaps hog slop.

[american spirit]

I agree it's an excellent article but I do believe the problems created by the "lawyering craft" go much deeper. Who created literally millions of codes, regulations and statues aka "color of law" utilized by gov'ts. of all types to extract ever increasing $ from the American people. Who's behind all these schemes to craft immigration policy to allow millions of illegal invaders to attach themselves to our welfare system to provide a steady pool of very cheap labor for their corporate clients. Who's behind all these sovereignty robbing insane deals like NAFTA, GATT etc. that have created a giant sucking sound of factories leaving our country as well as legislation that allows their corporate clients to import foreign tech to replace more and more American workers.

I don't think it was the small business owner trying to slug it out in this very difficult economy, the cab driver in Peoria or the soccer moms in Tx. We all know who's behind legislation and policies that've brought this country to the brink of insolvency and for most of these low-lifes it's a despicable way to earn a living. Many good people that are lawyers need to have the courage to stand up and inform the public on what's really happening behind the facade of blow dried, grinning idiots that pop up continuously on our TV screens....the time for truth continues to dwindle.

[Gritty]

I believe you have nailed this subject for most of us!

[Congressman Billybob]

Having lawyers write all the laws is the same as having Teamsters write all the traffic laws. The potential for abuse is obvious.

I have used this analogy: If doctors were like lawyers, you would be laid out on the operating table, and two sets of doctors on opposite sides would argue over whether you needed your appendix taken out, and which part of you was your appendix, anyway. Another doctor wearing a black scrub robe and holding a rubber-headed hammer, would rule finally on whether you would have any parts removed, and if so, which ones.

Then, one way or another you would pay the entire cost of all those doctors, regardless of whether the operation helped you, or killed you. Does that put it in perspective?

Billybob

[Congressman Billybob]

You raise a very interesting question, my friend.

The corruption of money is the very last stage of the process. The corruption of lowered expectations in society, among practicing lawyers, but especially among the faculty and students of law schools all come first. Once the idea that law is a noble profession transmogrifies into a handy profession offering lots of money and some fame to those who are really good at cutting corners, the damage is done.

But I agree with the implications of your question. The rot begins at the ethical and moral level. It allows money, ultimately, to become the primary value. And yes, I have read and vastly enjoyed the biography entitled simply and elegantly, John Adams.

Billybob

[A Navy Vet]

Out of the four (4) attorneys I've had dealings with through the years, three (3) of them had ethical and Bar problems later on. One them right here.

Thanks for your candid essay.

[A Navy Vet]

I also believe the ferocious competition is part of the problem. Close the law schools for awhile.

[OldPossum]

When I was young, I thought that I would like to be a lawyer and I applied to a prestigious law school. I was accepted but literally at the last minute (the day I was to fill out the final admission papers) I changed my mind. I had developed doubts during the application process; something inside told me that I would not be happy in this profession.

I have never regretted the decision.

[Bahbah]

Fellow FReeper lawyer sitting here and nodding head vigorously. Your observations are absolutely correct.

[Bahbah]

"lawyers are responsible collectively for the most human misery, and contribute the least to society"

And the sad thing is, it didn't used to be this way.

[FlyVet]

I did a report on Andrew Johnson in grade school many years ago. The only quote I remember from it is that he got out of the profession "for fear I have saved too many who ought to be hanged."