Posted on 07/13/2003 11:34:31 AM PDT by UnklGene
WHY WE CHEAT
By SUSAN EDELMAN -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FORBIDDEN PLEASURES: Some researchers believe changes in gender roles are prompting more married women to sleep around.
July 13, 2003 -- More women are cheating on their husbands - and doing it without remorse, sex researchers say. A stunning 90 percent of adulterous wives told one Manhattan researcher they suffered "no guilt," but rather felt "entitled" to the pleasure and excitement of their secret trysts, said Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender-studies professor and author.
"Women feel entitled because they're not getting what they need in the marriage. That's why women today have affairs," said Barash, who interviewed 120 wandering women for her recent book on female infidelity, "A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs that Make or Break their Marriages."
Based on her research, Barash contends that more than 60 percent of all married women will engage in at least one affair.
And many such women - despite socioeconomic differences - can empathize with someone like Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, Barash said.
In a breakup that rocked political and high-society circles, Kennedy Cuomo, 43, split two weeks ago from her husband of 13 years, Andrew Cuomo, over her alleged affair with randy restaurateur Bruce Colley, who is also married with children.
"These women would recognize her need - her desire to have more in her life than she had in her marriage," said Barash, who interviewed everyone from bus dispatchers, cops and stay-at-home moms to high-powered financiers, doctors and lawyers for her study.
"For the women who choose it, it's with great effort, so they really juggle the affair and somehow fit it in."
Barash found her sexually active subjects by posting ads in YWCAs and asking women who responded to refer friends who were having affairs.
Some therapists don't agree with Barash. They say many wandering women experience shame and regret - and seek help for adulterous urges.
"I have not witnessed a growing experience of 'entitlement.' Their conscience is bothering them," said Kristen Harrington, a marriage counselor who treats couples for infidelity in upstate Kingston.
But other experts agreed that more women today are determined to dally and less sorry about straying.
"I don't see women feeling a lot of guilt," said Baltimore psychologist Shirley Glass, whose book, "Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal," was published this year.
Like other daughters of sexually unfaithful fathers, Glass said, Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, the daughter of Robert Kennedy, could prefer that role rather than emulate mothers who serve as "martyrs" and "doormats."
Women with careers and financial resources can take more risks, she added: "If their partners find out, they can take care of themselves."
Glass also found surprising changes in men who mess around.
Traditionally, men's affairs were purely sexual, often involving a male in power enjoying "a little on the side" with a female subordinate.
"Now, men and women are working together as equals, with a lot of intellectual energy and common interests," Glass said. "It's a combination of emotional and sexual bonds. And it's more dangerous because it creates an alternative to the marriage, rather than just a supplement."
But equality hasn't erased the differences in why men and women cheat, other experts argue.
"Men have affairs to boost their self-esteem and because it's available. Their feelings are closely tied to their sexuality and potency," said Brooklyn psychologist Marcella Bakur Weiner.
"Women don't just want a night of joy and pleasure," she said. "No matter what the feminists say, women want love. They want emotional attachment and bonding."
I know you..........
Yep. Me too.
I'm curious. And I'm still learning. Just what might be some of those "circumstances" be? Are these woman "incapable" of earning decent income and/or unwilling to contribute to household expenses, that may or may not include supporting their kid(s)?
How have men failed women? By the recent "emasculation" trends that have evolved?
Having never gone through it (marriage or kids...the later I have no desire for)...I'd be interested to know.
Ya know, Adam said that about Eve. And it took several thousand years before Jesus came along to take care of the forgiveness part...hee hee... ;o)
I mean circumstances such as where a woman can "daddy-shop" from a list of men she has slept with, and name the richest one as the father of her child in a court of law, and the guy being stuck on an aircraft carrier can do nothing about it, so much as learn about it until flying home and finding orders for child support in his mailbox.
Or those circumstances of another flyer, who returned home to find his wife, kids, furniture and cars had vanished; the only thing left in his home were the overdue bills and mortgage payments taped inside the front door. His wife had run off with her personal trainer.
Some women, when faced with money, opportunity and means, will treat their husband as a liability standing between them and the happiness they feel they 'deserve'. I could tell you stories that would make you want to slap the next woman you saw.
It's just too damn bad that your type smells so good.
Mutual respect is out the window. Men and women are now competitors. Women say they want it that way, but I dont believe them.
I also believe that Congress and the Navy killed a girl, instead of tell her the truth that she had no business in an F-14. That is one of the reasons I dont mention my name on the Internet.
Coming from you, I guess I'll take that as a compliment, LOL! ;o)
Mutual respect is out the window. Men and women are now competitors. Women say they want it that way, but I dont believe them.
Is it really? That's sad. Then that seems to be the huge problem there. A failure to remember a promise said in front of God (in most cases). In most wedding vows, it says to "honor" ....isn't that the same as to respect one another? If you don't have respect (in any relationship) then there isn't much there in the first place. Not much to build a solid foundation on, is it?
Competition, as you mention, belongs in a card game, imho. In playing. Fun stuff. Whatever. Certainly not in the "who can out do in whom" context in marriage. You're absolutely right about that.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Spot on. And add femininazism, liberalism, affirmative action, and "PC-ness" to the list of perpetrators in that girl's life.
Hultgreen had no business flying an F-14, nor do many women. Oneof the main differences between men and women is that generally speaking, men can focus on a task at hand to the exclusion of everything else that is not directly related to that task. My father, having been a Maintenance Chief and a Leading Chief in an A-6 squadron (VA-115 Arabs) in the early 70's, knew how vital it was to have everything just right during flight operations. When landing an aircraft on a carrier, there is little if any room for error. It is not for the timid and faint of heart, and Hultgreen must have known she wasn't qualified to do the job and a PC Naval brass decided to risk her life, the lives of others, and valuable Naval assets rather than do the right thing.
People feel entitled, because they fall for propaganda and BS like this article. They feel entitled, because they are told they are, by the wizards of the socialist machine.
What does that mean?
It means that he and his wife have a hot, vibrant, enthusiastic, and passionate sex life with each other; just as God intended it to be within marriage.
I am real sorry you got cheated on in Monopoly.
Have you tried Chutes And Ladders, instead?
A slutty woman does not ruin a good man, she only helps expose the two of them for what they both are.
I am one 'good man' who will not have sex until I am remarried to a passionate Christian woman who desires to have an active and enthusiastic sex life as a part of marriage. In the two years since my ex left me (not for another man), I have been very pleasantly surprised at the number of middle-aged Christian women who really desire and look forward to having very passionate, and uninhibited sex with a future husband.
I have been married for fiteen years - three great kids, no money at all.
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