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Why we cheat - ( Women )
New York Post ^ | July 13, 2003 | Susan Edelman

Posted on 07/13/2003 11:34:31 AM PDT by UnklGene

WHY WE CHEAT

By SUSAN EDELMAN -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FORBIDDEN PLEASURES: Some researchers believe changes in gender roles are prompting more married women to sleep around.

July 13, 2003 -- More women are cheating on their husbands - and doing it without remorse, sex researchers say. A stunning 90 percent of adulterous wives told one Manhattan researcher they suffered "no guilt," but rather felt "entitled" to the pleasure and excitement of their secret trysts, said Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender-studies professor and author.

"Women feel entitled because they're not getting what they need in the marriage. That's why women today have affairs," said Barash, who interviewed 120 wandering women for her recent book on female infidelity, "A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs that Make or Break their Marriages."

Based on her research, Barash contends that more than 60 percent of all married women will engage in at least one affair.

And many such women - despite socioeconomic differences - can empathize with someone like Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, Barash said.

In a breakup that rocked political and high-society circles, Kennedy Cuomo, 43, split two weeks ago from her husband of 13 years, Andrew Cuomo, over her alleged affair with randy restaurateur Bruce Colley, who is also married with children.

"These women would recognize her need - her desire to have more in her life than she had in her marriage," said Barash, who interviewed everyone from bus dispatchers, cops and stay-at-home moms to high-powered financiers, doctors and lawyers for her study.

"For the women who choose it, it's with great effort, so they really juggle the affair and somehow fit it in."

Barash found her sexually active subjects by posting ads in YWCAs and asking women who responded to refer friends who were having affairs.

Some therapists don't agree with Barash. They say many wandering women experience shame and regret - and seek help for adulterous urges.

"I have not witnessed a growing experience of 'entitlement.' Their conscience is bothering them," said Kristen Harrington, a marriage counselor who treats couples for infidelity in upstate Kingston.

But other experts agreed that more women today are determined to dally and less sorry about straying.

"I don't see women feeling a lot of guilt," said Baltimore psychologist Shirley Glass, whose book, "Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal," was published this year.

Like other daughters of sexually unfaithful fathers, Glass said, Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, the daughter of Robert Kennedy, could prefer that role rather than emulate mothers who serve as "martyrs" and "doormats."

Women with careers and financial resources can take more risks, she added: "If their partners find out, they can take care of themselves."

Glass also found surprising changes in men who mess around.

Traditionally, men's affairs were purely sexual, often involving a male in power enjoying "a little on the side" with a female subordinate.

"Now, men and women are working together as equals, with a lot of intellectual energy and common interests," Glass said. "It's a combination of emotional and sexual bonds. And it's more dangerous because it creates an alternative to the marriage, rather than just a supplement."

But equality hasn't erased the differences in why men and women cheat, other experts argue.

"Men have affairs to boost their self-esteem and because it's available. Their feelings are closely tied to their sexuality and potency," said Brooklyn psychologist Marcella Bakur Weiner.

"Women don't just want a night of joy and pleasure," she said. "No matter what the feminists say, women want love. They want emotional attachment and bonding."


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: abortion; adultery; aids; bastardchildren; clintonlegacy; culturewar; doittohurtthehusband; everybodydoesit; hedonism; hedonists; hiv; infidelity; irresponsible; itsallaboutme; itsjustsex; libertines; marriage; poorkids; promiscuity; selfishness; sex; sexoutofwedlock; sluts; std; thanksbill; whatwouldmymomthink; women
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To: Pukin Dog
As to NCO's not flying...you might be surprised.
141 posted on 07/13/2003 6:00:39 PM PDT by patton (I wish we could all look at the evil of abortion with the pure, honest heart of a child.)
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To: connectthedots
Boy you really want to get me in trouble, eh?

Big mistake to lose the A-6, but at the time we THOUGHT we were going to get the A-12. Remember that fiasco? We had a fine ALL WEATHER attack bird(a bit slow)that could do what was asked of it. The Navy needed a reason for justifying the expense of the F-18, which is a fine machine, but touchy like an high maintenance woman. Lots of show, not a lot of go.

See, the Navy does these things sometimes. They did it with the Tomcat too, because Hornets cost so much. They gotta spend the money, or the Air Force will get it.

142 posted on 07/13/2003 6:03:32 PM PDT by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: patton
I think this Pukin dog guy is flying Tomcats made by Revell.
143 posted on 07/13/2003 6:06:04 PM PDT by Just_de_facts
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To: rintense
"No matter what the feminists say, women want love cash. They want emotional attachment good credit and bonding generosity."

I'm half joking, but this HTML is fun stuff.

144 posted on 07/13/2003 6:06:28 PM PDT by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: UnklGene
barf alert. If we cheat it's because we're lacking in character too, just like we'd say of the guys.
145 posted on 07/13/2003 6:07:21 PM PDT by Terriergal ("multipass!")
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To: patton
Thank you, Patton. The fear persists.
146 posted on 07/13/2003 6:07:47 PM PDT by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: Just_de_facts
I think this Pukin dog guy is flying Tomcats made by Revell.

These days, that absolutly true. I have been out of the community for some time now. If you have any doubts about it, that is your problem, my friend.

147 posted on 07/13/2003 6:09:21 PM PDT by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: Tennessee_Bob
>>"Hey - I just figured out how to end this "no social life" thing that I've got going on."<<

LOL!
148 posted on 07/13/2003 6:10:49 PM PDT by viaveritasvita
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To: Nick Danger
Excellent post. Thank you.
149 posted on 07/13/2003 6:13:07 PM PDT by nygoose
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To: Pukin Dog
A really wise Jesuit (He was the chaplain at the Defense Language Institute) once told me, "The way toward God is in acting as if you believe."
150 posted on 07/13/2003 6:13:20 PM PDT by patton (I wish we could all look at the evil of abortion with the pure, honest heart of a child.)
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To: patton; Pukin Dog
As to NCO's not flying...you might be surprised.

The U.S. Navy commissioned all NCO aviators in the late 60s-early 70s. My mom's second husband (my ADCS-Ret dad passed away) was an NCO helicopter pilot who recieved a commission at the time this transition was made.

If you are referring to Warrant Officer pilots; they are not NCOs.

151 posted on 07/13/2003 6:13:22 PM PDT by connectthedots
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To: Pukin Dog
Oooh so testy, it's not like I stole the light bulb out of your EZY Bake oven. And always remember, "Better a sister in a whorehouse than a brother in an F-14".
152 posted on 07/13/2003 6:13:44 PM PDT by Just_de_facts
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To: Pukin Dog
The F-14 Tomcat is still the baddest fighter plane currently in the air. The F-18 Hornet is a fuel hog, has no on station time to speak of, and has a worthless payload, on top of being a maintenance nightmare.

A-6 may have been a bit slow, but it could fly in any weather, a capability that would have been valuable early on in Iraq and Afganistan.

153 posted on 07/13/2003 6:19:41 PM PDT by connectthedots
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To: Just_de_facts
I have no idea where you are coming from, sorry.
154 posted on 07/13/2003 6:20:18 PM PDT by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: connectthedots
Unfair on the maintanence. The Hornet is worlds better then the Cat in that regard. It just cant do much else that has not been done better by some other jet.
155 posted on 07/13/2003 6:21:40 PM PDT by Pukin Dog (Sans Reproache)
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To: viaveritasvita
It's funny, 'stew, but when I read his post, I thot he was talking about Eve 'cuz she did start it!!!

LOL, but Adam fell for it!

156 posted on 07/13/2003 6:22:43 PM PDT by kstewskis ("political correctness is intellectual terrorism...." Mel Gibson)
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To: connectthedots
Glider pilots in WWII; Recon pilots in both Korea and Vietnam; And those, like myself, who just somehow managed to log time in anything.

Of Course, that was a while back.

157 posted on 07/13/2003 6:24:00 PM PDT by patton (I wish we could all look at the evil of abortion with the pure, honest heart of a child.)
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To: BRL
>>"I was very sorry to hear you followup and say that you are not going to purue any relationships yourself."<<

It's only been in the last year or so that I've at least opened up a bit to the possibility. I truly can't imagine it, but I do know that when God moves, nothing can hinder, so one never knows.

I'm curious, why would you be sorry that I'm not pursuing a relationship? (Even in the best case scenario, I would not pursue a "relationship." I might consider a Christian marriage, though!) I think it was Paul who said that it could be a good thing to be single. Maybe God is protecting me. Maybe He has plans for my welfare that doesn't include marriage.

I still have to agree with the Dog in that it is too great a risk, even within the Christian community. I think it's symptomatic of the end times.
158 posted on 07/13/2003 6:24:08 PM PDT by viaveritasvita
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To: viaveritasvita
It's only been in the last year or so that I've at least opened up a bit to the possibility. I truly can't imagine it, but I do know that when God moves, nothing can hinder, so one never knows.

Amen sister. You and I are in the same boat.

159 posted on 07/13/2003 6:26:53 PM PDT by kstewskis ("political correctness is intellectual terrorism...." Mel Gibson)
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To: RedBloodedAmerican
Have you tried Chutes And Ladders, instead?

Nah, I don't even get Clue.

Heard you're mastering Uncle Wiggly. Never understood that either.


160 posted on 07/13/2003 6:30:17 PM PDT by Sabertooth (uy)
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