Posted on 07/13/2003 11:34:31 AM PDT by UnklGene
WHY WE CHEAT
By SUSAN EDELMAN -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FORBIDDEN PLEASURES: Some researchers believe changes in gender roles are prompting more married women to sleep around.
July 13, 2003 -- More women are cheating on their husbands - and doing it without remorse, sex researchers say. A stunning 90 percent of adulterous wives told one Manhattan researcher they suffered "no guilt," but rather felt "entitled" to the pleasure and excitement of their secret trysts, said Susan Shapiro Barash, a gender-studies professor and author.
"Women feel entitled because they're not getting what they need in the marriage. That's why women today have affairs," said Barash, who interviewed 120 wandering women for her recent book on female infidelity, "A Passion for More: Wives Reveal the Affairs that Make or Break their Marriages."
Based on her research, Barash contends that more than 60 percent of all married women will engage in at least one affair.
And many such women - despite socioeconomic differences - can empathize with someone like Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, Barash said.
In a breakup that rocked political and high-society circles, Kennedy Cuomo, 43, split two weeks ago from her husband of 13 years, Andrew Cuomo, over her alleged affair with randy restaurateur Bruce Colley, who is also married with children.
"These women would recognize her need - her desire to have more in her life than she had in her marriage," said Barash, who interviewed everyone from bus dispatchers, cops and stay-at-home moms to high-powered financiers, doctors and lawyers for her study.
"For the women who choose it, it's with great effort, so they really juggle the affair and somehow fit it in."
Barash found her sexually active subjects by posting ads in YWCAs and asking women who responded to refer friends who were having affairs.
Some therapists don't agree with Barash. They say many wandering women experience shame and regret - and seek help for adulterous urges.
"I have not witnessed a growing experience of 'entitlement.' Their conscience is bothering them," said Kristen Harrington, a marriage counselor who treats couples for infidelity in upstate Kingston.
But other experts agreed that more women today are determined to dally and less sorry about straying.
"I don't see women feeling a lot of guilt," said Baltimore psychologist Shirley Glass, whose book, "Not Just Friends: Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal," was published this year.
Like other daughters of sexually unfaithful fathers, Glass said, Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, the daughter of Robert Kennedy, could prefer that role rather than emulate mothers who serve as "martyrs" and "doormats."
Women with careers and financial resources can take more risks, she added: "If their partners find out, they can take care of themselves."
Glass also found surprising changes in men who mess around.
Traditionally, men's affairs were purely sexual, often involving a male in power enjoying "a little on the side" with a female subordinate.
"Now, men and women are working together as equals, with a lot of intellectual energy and common interests," Glass said. "It's a combination of emotional and sexual bonds. And it's more dangerous because it creates an alternative to the marriage, rather than just a supplement."
But equality hasn't erased the differences in why men and women cheat, other experts argue.
"Men have affairs to boost their self-esteem and because it's available. Their feelings are closely tied to their sexuality and potency," said Brooklyn psychologist Marcella Bakur Weiner.
"Women don't just want a night of joy and pleasure," she said. "No matter what the feminists say, women want love. They want emotional attachment and bonding."
Kara's problem was that she was a fine A-6 pilot. The A-6 is a simple airplane to fly, and it's systems are not as complex as in the Tomcat. Once you have a qualified Naval Aviator, it is very tough for one of them to swallow that they are not good enough for ANY airplane. It was very hard to find anyone good enough to handle the cat most of the time. The people who could were naturals, like me. Some people could anticipate what the engines were up to when they were unhappy about one thing or another, and some did not see a problem until they got bit in the ass.
On the day that Kara died, she ignored procedures, tried to correct in a way that all F-14 pilots know is wrong. You do not use heavy rudder at high angles and low speed. She had gone wide right in the groove, and was trying to correct back left for lineup. 19 out of 20 pilots would tell you that a TF-30 engine is likely to quit, because yawing to the left cut the airflow to the left engine. She should have unloaded and gone around, but she was in full-stupid mode at that time, and went full burner on the other engine before her nose was down, and the engine pitched her over into the drink. I am not trying to disrespect her in any way, but there is a lot going on in the Tomcat cockpit, and you must focus, or you will die.
There are a few women who can handle the Cat with style and grace and have earned their seats, but that is maybe 2 in 10 best guess. Hultgren had enough downs to lose her wings if not for some very lax attitudes, and some pressure from Congress to get women in those seats. If she had been grounded, she would have likely pulled another Tailhook, to the detriment of all of us. We lost enough good men because some woman wanted revenge over not getting the ride she wanted. I could say more, but that's already too much.
When I am near sleep, they look like little dwarfs in wedding dresses, hovering over my bed. They shake their stubby little fingers at me, and point towards their empty ring finger. They give me nightsweats. Help me.
In the Bible, God's relationship with his people is very often associated with the intimate sexual relationship between a husband and wife. Sex within marriage should not only be physical, but is also to reflect the spiritual relationship between husband and wife. A fulfilling sexual relationship between a Christian husband and wife is illustrative of the intimate nature of the relationship God desires to have with his children.
Excellent quote ... thanks.
I hope not.
Since when have feminists NOT believed this? Guess I don't know because I'm not one. But the latter part of this statement is true. Women DO want the emotional attachment and bonding. But women also have to understand that men aren't wired like we are, and generally show these qualities in much different ways than we do.
Hey - I just figured out how to end this "no social life" thing that I've got going on.
But - are they telling the truth? Please find me that stat where they're honest 100% of the time...
No they aren't, but your comment about possibly being swingers would actually apply to another poster on this thread.
Too much Rebel Yell...
We have reaised a couple of generations of perpetual adolescents.
Doc
Ete, misse est.
Now get married - you have been absolved.
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