Forget Halle - Southern men lust after grits

via Internet | July 10, 2003 | Tammy Carter

[stainlessbanner]

I couldn't believe what I was seeing and hearing. My husband Keith and our friend Keith had that longing look on their faces. I could see the drool dripping from their mouths and hear the desire in their voices.

If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were talking about Halle Berry or a classic Porsche. A stranger never would have guessed they were waxing poetic about a Southern delicacy: grits.

"My mother-in-law sent me eight boxes of Quaker Old Fashioned Grits from North Carolina," our friend says.

"Ohhh, man! You're kidding," my husband says as he licks his lips. "You can't find those here. I refuse to eat quick or instant grits."

"Why?" I ask. "Grits are grits."

They levitated from their seats, looking at me as if I were from Mars.

"It's not about the quickness of food," my husband says through gritted teeth, "it's about the taste. We know a fake pot of grits when we taste it."

Grits connoisseurs. Who knew?

I like grits. Old-fashioned, quick or instant -- all taste great to me. Like my father, I eat grits with butter, cheddar cheese and sugar.

"Noooooo!" both Keiths scream. "Never put sugar in your grits!"

"That's for Cream of Wheat," our friend says. Or oatmeal, my husband says with disdain. He hates oatmeal.

It appears I have a lot to learn about grits. Both men try to school me.

"With grits," my husband says, "consistency is key."

Our friend agrees. "Grits should not be runny," he says. "They should be stiff like mashed potatoes."

"They don't have to be stiff like mashed potatoes," my husband adds, "but they should not be runny."

So how do you cook grits to get that perfect consistency? It depends on which Keith you ask.

"Fill half a small pot with water," my husband says. "Add salt and about two pats of margarine before the water boils. As soon as the water starts to boil, turn the heat down to low and add 5 tablespoons of grits."

To avoid lumpy grits, stir them constantly, and never cover the pot.

"You have to stay with the pot," for about 25 minutes, my husband says. "You'll know the grits are done when they start to go bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop . . . bloop. Let them bloop for another three minutes. Then turn the fire off."

Finally, my husband says, "put in a small handful of shredded mild cheddar cheese, but don't mix the cheese in. Just let it melt down."

The grits are ready to be served with scrambled eggs and bacon. "Eggs must be scrambled, no sunny side up or poached and no runny yolks," my husband says. "You can cook your bacon first, but don't cook your eggs until your grits are done."

Our friend Keith has a different method for cooking perfect grits. He says to put cold water in the pot and add the grits before bringing the water to a boil.

"Stir the grits to remove the lumps, then heat the water," our friend says. "Once the water comes to a boil, cover the pot, so no air escapes. The key is to stir them."

About 30 minutes later, the grits are ready to serve with ham, a pat of butter, two eggs and a biscuit.

"Grits should be served on a plate," our friend adds, "not in a bowl!"

My husband agrees with the plate rule, but can't fathom eating grits with liver or corned beef hash the way our friend likes them.

"In Florida, you have permission to have grits and fish, as long as it's fried catfish fillets," my husband says. "You can't have bones in your grits."

Now all I want to know is: When do we eat?

[savedbygrace]

Cracker Barrel hasn't been a decent place to eat for at least 10 years, probably longer.

If they serve grits, they're more than likely instant.

[Husker24]

Well, I do think that Reese looked a little better before she lost the weight. Still in my opinion the hottest women ever is a tie between Reese Witherspoon and Anna Kornikova.

[SwinneySwitch]

Like them fried taters too! But grits is good with butter and pepper! Y'all are makin me hungry!

[patton]

What is it with people down there?! They take a good VA recipe, like fried okra, and turn it into something...else.

[Husker24]

Well, like I said, Ive never had Gumbo. Is that like a soup?

[mikeb704]

In 1974, singer Al Green was scalded by hot grits tossed by a girlfriend who then killed herself.

Register grits, not guns.

Michael M. Bates:My Side of the Swamp

[Pukin Dog]

Gumbo is God's food. In Louisiana, it is basically everything left in the fridge after a few seafood or chicken meals.

Seriously. Gumbo (either Chicken or Seafood) is just the best food on the planet. You put Crab legs, Andoulle sausage, Kiebalsa, onions, celery, bay leaves, chicken, shrimp, peppers, all together in a pot. Then you make a "roux" by slowly frying flour in a pan in hot oil until it is the consistancy of peanut butter, and use it to provide that incredible taste and thickness to the gumbo. I happen to be famous for my gumbo. I use it to get women.

[Capt_Hank]

Country ham, red-eye gravy, grits with some Cooper Sharp Cheese.... 3 eggs sunny side-up and buttermilk biscuits. My favorite meal..... Heading to the Outer Banks of NC next month for vacation.... will have that each day.

[LonePalm]

I always drool over G.R.I.T.S.

That's Girls Raised In The South. The finest kind.

To paraphrase the Beach Boys, "I wish they all could be Carolina girls."

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

[My2Cents]

I guess I've committed the unpardonable sin: liking instant grits.

[LibWhacker]

I'll second that. The first and last time I had hominy grits was on my aunt and uncle's farm 40 years ago. Man, was it bad. I guess you've gotta start out in diapers to like that stuff.

[IYAS9YAS]

Actually, I used to find her appealing. Thought she was cute. Not a bombshell. However, her comments regarding her Oscar left me with the impression she was as vapid, shallow and idiotic as she was cute. Not worth the rental as a "Bond Babe". Give me Solitare any day. I thought the one who worked for MI-6 and was to watch Bond was much better than Halle.

[Husker24]

Sounds good, I usually eat the stereotypical midwestern diet. Meat, Potatos, Corn, Green beans and Peas and an occasional Catfish. If I had to eat the same meal everyday for the rest of my life it would be a rare T-Bone with a Baked potato with tons of butter and sour cream and corn on the cob again slathered with butter and perhaps some peas.

[Dont Mention the War]

Get a bowl of sand, heat it up in the microwave, put some butter on it, eat it. You got grits. I am originally from Alabama. I ate grits once as a kid. It was back to all that artery hardening bacon, sausage, fried potatoes, gravy, biscuits, toast, eggs over easy for this country boy. I hate grits! ;^)

Amen! I think unless you were raised to eat the stuff from infancy, your chances of liking grits are very small. It's weiiiird stuff.

[IYAS9YAS]

Funny, when I was a kid, I loved hominy (not grits). Now, I can't stand the stuff. On grits; I'm sure that if I was served up a proper dish, I'd probably enjoy them. However, the first and last time I had them, they would have gagged a billy goat.

[Arkinsaw]

This is what we get when affirmative action is applied ot national standards of beauty.

Thats odd, I think she is darn fine.

She was pretty much top of the heap for me until she was in that movie with Billy Bob. Any girl who gets within 10 feet of Billy Bob drops 5 points on my scale.

[Husker24]

What is hominy?

[IYAS9YAS]

I'm darker than she is when I tan...she's a beautiful shade, whatever it may be called.

[null and void]

*sigh* My first experience with grits was in a school cafeteria. Do I need to say more?

[Arkinsaw]

Actually, I used to find her appealing.

I don't watch the Oscars so I don't know about that deal...or care. But I also thought she was fine looking. But then she got in that movie with Billy Bob. Getting naked with Billy Bob pretty much ruins them in my eyes.