Posted on 07/04/2003 12:33:35 PM PDT by Apolitical
Huh?
What?
Oh, excuse me. What were we discussing? Crickets? Top Ramen? It's all a blur.
Gimme the drugs. Now.
See how easy that was? I have now been marked as a man afflicted by the newest -- and for my money the very best -- disorder ever. Well, at least ever since the pharmaceutical profession realized that you can peddle a whole slew of drugs if you just come up with a popular enough -- if questionable -- syndrome and advertise it on television.
I speak, of course, of the scourge of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, which the drug people swear afflicts millions of Americans just like me who aren't presently downing Ritalin by the handful but really ought to be, apparently.
Where was I?
By the way: was that a shame or what: Katherine Hepburn and Buddy Hackett in the same week?
Oh! Yes! Television!
It was on television that I first learned about Adult ADD, in between innings of some baseball game or other that I can't quite remember right at the moment. Anyhoo, the commercial advised that just as children are afflicted with "wandering brain syndrome" so, too, are adults.
Whoda thunk it? By the way, did you catch CSI the other night? They had this --
Oh. Sorry.
Whoda thunk it? Well, the marketers for pharmeceuticals certainly woulda. Let's face it, a bunch of juveniles with short attention spans is one thing, but it's the adult population that's holding the swag, the green, the moola. Thus, using that cash incentive, it becomes reasonable to assume that kids whose minds wander will evolve into adults whose minds wander, and that opens up a whole new market. Just as long as the adults can be convinced they are indeed victims of something they never particularly noticed before, having that ADD and all.
Speaking of "markets," I have got to get to the store before I --
Oh. Wait. I was writing something.
What was I writing?
"Many adults have been living with ADD and don't recognize it," says the literature from one of these marketers which I have sitting before me on a desk so messy it could only belong to a very advanced ADD victim. "That's because its symptoms are often mistaken for a stressful life."
Well, there you go.
See how this works? All this time I was thinking I was just completely inundated with work, personal issues and the "red bill" from the gas company! Who knew I was actually coping with a condition which could potentially result in a sizeable windfall for --
Excuse me, the phone.
Damn telemarketers.
Now, where were we?
Ah ...
Oh! Sure! My potential windfall by tearfully pleading to the Powers That Be that I have Terminal ADD and thus must be supported the remainder of my life with funds, drugs, and a live-in, uniformed, maid. Guatemalan, preferably.
I don't ask for much.
I've very seldom asked for much of anything in my whole life, come to think of it. But that's probably because I was so distracted by, for example, Mormon crickets on my office window or being read the riot act by Sears over the phone that I plain forgot what to ask for.
Isn't that new BMW convertible just --
Oh. Right. This column.
So now that I fully believe I am most certainly afflicted with a disability-worthy condition, all I have to do is take the quiz thoughtfully provided by the pharmaceutical company and then cart the document on down to my Licensed Medical Professional so he can read it, mull over my answers, puff thoughtfully on his pipe (this is a 1950s sort of Licensed Medical Professional I'm conjuring here), and say things like, "Yes. I'm afraid it is Adult ADD. Here, have some money and this fistful of sample drugs. When you find one you like, let me know and we'll order by the gross."
What a great day that'll be!
So, anyway --
Oh, hold on.
Schwans guy. I can never think of what to order -- thanks to Adult ADD!
So, er ... Oh, yeah, back to the quiz.........
(Excerpt) Read more at iconoclast.ca ...
I got it.
That's why I didn't suggest Ritalin, speed, or crack cocaine as your ADA-approved cure.
Yeah sure, you remember to check your email!!!!
I do! No, really, I do.....sometimes.
Have to wonder if some of the attention deficit is due to tv progamming and magazine reporting going to short attention spawn audiences. There is probably a statistic of how long a typical radio listener leaves a station on before switching the dial. CDs give us instant gratification to go to a specific cut or a specific part of a specific cut of an album.
Another factor may be past history of drug use (especially things like esctasy and LSD which can affect brain chemistry).
People "multitasking" (listening to radio/tv/conversation while surfing the web, posting to FR, or reading the newspaper or a magazine) may also be a factor in being able to devote focus to just one task. We've become so used to tuning out outside distractions that we may not be able to concentrate when they aren't present.
I've been in bars that have low music on (a stereo or a jukebox). Conversational volume continues to rise until people can talk over the music or each other. When the CD player is off (or the jukebox runs empty) the conversational tone will stay up at that high level for awhile (I've pointed it out to some friends; the conspicuous abscence of background noise).
Our modern society may be the cause of the problem (but a lifetime routine of prescription drugs isn't necessarily the answer). May explain why this wasn't an issue a century ago.
Hillary had pharmaceutical investments in a blind trust while she tried to nationalize the healthcare industry.
I think that the pharmaceutical industry has learned a trick from the DNC. Heavy saturation of a scare campaign can get old people to believe any lie.
"You may be going crazy! You need drugs!"
"Republicans want to starve old people and let them eat dog food!"
Oh hell! Stop complaining you old geyser...greaser...wheezer...weiner....wile away your green pasture days......something.
I'm 48 and a perfect picture of bad health.
She has already tried this. When she was still the First Lady, she saddled up with Mrs. Gore who suffers from some sort of psychiatric condition and both began advocating Ritalyn for pre-school children! That's right, pre-schoolers. A negative backlash set her back but we all know that once she gets a bug up her a**, she won't stop until she has it controled.
The drugging of America is insidious! I strongly recommend a visit to Dr. Breggin's web site:
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