ADULT A.D.D. -- Investigating The Frightening Medical Scourge That Threatens Millions!

ICONOCLAST ^ | by Lin Anderson

[Apolitical]

Huh?

What?

Oh, excuse me. What were we discussing? Crickets? Top Ramen? It's all a blur.

Gimme the drugs. Now.

See how easy that was? I have now been marked as a man afflicted by the newest -- and for my money the very best -- disorder ever. Well, at least ever since the pharmaceutical profession realized that you can peddle a whole slew of drugs if you just come up with a popular enough -- if questionable -- syndrome and advertise it on television.

I speak, of course, of the scourge of Adult Attention Deficit Disorder, which the drug people swear afflicts millions of Americans just like me who aren't presently downing Ritalin by the handful but really ought to be, apparently.

Where was I?

By the way: was that a shame or what: Katherine Hepburn and Buddy Hackett in the same week?

Oh! Yes! Television!

It was on television that I first learned about Adult ADD, in between innings of some baseball game or other that I can't quite remember right at the moment. Anyhoo, the commercial advised that just as children are afflicted with "wandering brain syndrome" so, too, are adults.

Whoda thunk it? By the way, did you catch CSI the other night? They had this --

Oh. Sorry.

Whoda thunk it? Well, the marketers for pharmeceuticals certainly woulda. Let's face it, a bunch of juveniles with short attention spans is one thing, but it's the adult population that's holding the swag, the green, the moola. Thus, using that cash incentive, it becomes reasonable to assume that kids whose minds wander will evolve into adults whose minds wander, and that opens up a whole new market. Just as long as the adults can be convinced they are indeed victims of something they never particularly noticed before, having that ADD and all.

Speaking of "markets," I have got to get to the store before I --

Oh. Wait. I was writing something.

What was I writing?

"Many adults have been living with ADD and don't recognize it," says the literature from one of these marketers which I have sitting before me on a desk so messy it could only belong to a very advanced ADD victim. "That's because its symptoms are often mistaken for a stressful life."

Well, there you go.

See how this works? All this time I was thinking I was just completely inundated with work, personal issues and the "red bill" from the gas company! Who knew I was actually coping with a condition which could potentially result in a sizeable windfall for --

Excuse me, the phone.

Damn telemarketers.

Now, where were we?

Ah ...

Oh! Sure! My potential windfall by tearfully pleading to the Powers That Be that I have Terminal ADD and thus must be supported the remainder of my life with funds, drugs, and a live-in, uniformed, maid. Guatemalan, preferably.

I don't ask for much.

I've very seldom asked for much of anything in my whole life, come to think of it. But that's probably because I was so distracted by, for example, Mormon crickets on my office window or being read the riot act by Sears over the phone that I plain forgot what to ask for.

Isn't that new BMW convertible just --

Oh. Right. This column.

So now that I fully believe I am most certainly afflicted with a disability-worthy condition, all I have to do is take the quiz thoughtfully provided by the pharmaceutical company and then cart the document on down to my Licensed Medical Professional so he can read it, mull over my answers, puff thoughtfully on his pipe (this is a 1950s sort of Licensed Medical Professional I'm conjuring here), and say things like, "Yes. I'm afraid it is Adult ADD. Here, have some money and this fistful of sample drugs. When you find one you like, let me know and we'll order by the gross."

What a great day that'll be!

So, anyway --

Oh, hold on.

Schwans guy. I can never think of what to order -- thanks to Adult ADD!

So, er ... Oh, yeah, back to the quiz.........

[Apolitical]

The pharmaceutical industry will do anything to make a buck. But come to think of it, so will Babs Streisand, The NY Times and Hillary Clinton.

[freekitty]

Can you believe this? Are they trying to drug the people like they do in Cuba? This seems like something Hitlery would do if she were the President.

[alphadog]

I used to think I had ADD...Then I decided that people are just boring...

[Bluntpoint]

What a bunch of nonsense there is no such thing... I need to wax the floor.

[DainBramage]

I don't have an ADD problem, but don't always get all my takeaways, timeses.

[angkor]

Ritalin's contender for ADD treatment is Adderall, otherwise known as "speed":

EACH TABLET CONTAINS	5mg	10mg	20mg	30mg
Dextroamphetamine Saccharate	1.25 mg	2.5 mg	5 mg	7.5 mg
Amphetamine Aspartate	1.25 mg	2.5 mg	5 mg	7.5 mg
Dextroamphetamine Sulfate USP	1.25 mg	2.5 mg	5 mg	7.5 mg
Amphetamine Sulfate USP	1.25 mg	2.5 mg	5 mg	7.5 mg
Total equivalence	3.13 mg	6.3 mg	12.6 mg	18.8 mg

[mombonn]

I often thought my husband would benefit from Ritalin, but would rather have him be who he is, hyperactivity and all!

I keep telling him he'll be in motion 10 years after he's dead.

[Mr. Mojo]

It seems every other television commerical these days is a pharmceutical company attempting to convince you that you just might have a disease that they can control with their product.

[AlexW]

Damn, the phone rang and I forgot what thread I was looking at :((
AADDABC? whatever.
I have always had some kind of mental problem...No one really figured out what it was 40 years ago, and I doubt that anyone can figger it out now.
All I know is that I am low grade stupid, and I can not spell, but at age 58, who cares?

[Mike Darancette]

There is a web site where you can go and take a test to find out whetrer you have Adult ADD.

I went there but lost interest.

Does that saye something?

[bmwcyle]

bttt for later

[Bahbah]

I just roared when I saw this commercial. Then I wondered how many would fall for it.

[NormsRevenge]

Neal "Vicious SOB" Boortz has some pretty choice comments about this "epidemic" condition that "afflicts" so many these days. And they aren't supportive that it exists.

[elbucko]

Then I decided that people are just boring...

I agree.

[Constitutionalist Conservative]

I just roared when I saw this commercial. Then I wondered how many would fall for it.

Well, when you consider that the parents of as many as 1 in 5 children have been persuaded to drug their kids, you can't help but conclude that many adults will be suckered into thinking they have the 'disorder' as well.

[elbucko]

Neal "Vicious SOB" Boortz..

I like Neal, and more so because he is a "Vicious SOB". Better that, than a bed wetting (and boring) Lefty.

[decimon]

Amphetamine Aspartate

I can sweeten my coffee with that.

[CDHart]

"All I know is that I am low grade stupid, and I can not spell, but at age 58, who cares?"

If you're a member of FR, you can't be stupid. And lots of intelligent people can't spell. But I do like the "who cares" attitude. BTW, I will be 60 my next birthday, so you're not alone!

Carolyn

[Tatze]

Adult-ADD, or ADD in general is such a scam. I went to take their "test" on Adult-Add.com to test their test. Its a series of questions like "How often are you distracted by activity or noise around you?" If you answer "Rarely" to all question, it still says you are likely to have ADD.

Do not fall for this people. They have already suceeded in drugging a large number of our children, now they are moving on to the adults.

[Brett66]

LOL! I think that's my problem as well.