Posted on 06/26/2003 6:19:19 PM PDT by William Terrell
Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Here's a prime example offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
Class Assignment for Wednesday
"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story.
You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back also sending another copy to me.
The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
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THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.
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(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,....", he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
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(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities. Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
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(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
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(Gary)
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F*CKING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
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(Rebecca)
A**hole.
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(Gary)
B*tch. ********************************************** <
(TEACHER) A+ -- I really liked this one. Only group to get an A!
He swept into the parlor like a brazen, fresh breeze. "Dust this place!" He snapped, cracking his riding crop against the desk. She cowered in fear. Dust? What, like a mere servant? How?
And then, in an instant, all her fear was forgotten as the overwhelming rage filled her. "You dust it yourself, dear sir!", she snapped, and he fell back in surprise. He had never heard that sneering tone in her silky voice before.
Remember that Super Bowl commercial where cowboys are trying to herd cats! I've come to find out that herding cats is easier than coordinating a bunch of know-it-all space geeks!
However, I did accomplish this leadership job by adopting my space persona!
Ah, but every once in a while there comes along something that is priceless, and paying homage to the author(s) is demanded, however far from the established guidelines they might wander. 
He was completely at sea. Why was she so sneering, so enraged? She was a minimum wage, no-skills twit when he found her. She had nothing, nothing but a B.A. in Women's Studies and the promise of a decent head of hair if she stopped shaving her head. He had taken her away from her job at Barnes & Noble, taken her away from those Saturday nights hanging out at Tres Hombres with her equally bitter girl friends. She'd been happy to get into his car, happy to move into his house, happy that his parents had investments in major corporations with dividends to share. And now, now she was turning on him.... was it because of .... the baby?
She knew he knew. He was only trying to force her into the same old degrading patterns because she was going to have his child. As she spread her hands across her ever-growing stomach, she was determined to no longer allow him to treat her this way. She was, after all, the product of one of the best liberal colleges in the Northeast. She had given up everything - her beautiful shaved scalp, her fulfilling job in an intellectually stimulating work enviroment, her nicely furnished one room studio flat - everything she had, she had given it up for him. And this - this was how he repayed her? With this reinforcement of her negative value as a woman? She would not stand for it. Her conscience would not allow her to.
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