Creative Writing at It's Best

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[arasina]

[Chad Fairbanks]

Bump for later reading...

[zip]

"Funniest thing I've read in a looooong time" ping

[Cathryn Crawford]

Cathryn could not believe the idiocy that poured from Brent. He was usually so suave, so charming, and now - he was sputtering foolishness.

"Brent, you mindless fool," she growled. "I don't give a damn about your foolish brother. You know I've detested him since that night that he spilt that frothy drink down the back of my $6000 Valentino. Let him get himself out of his own mess." As she spoke the words through gritted teeth she tightened her grip on the gun, its pearly handle smooth in her grasp.

[Back to you.]

[A_perfect_lady]

She knew he knew. He was only trying to force her into the same old degrading patterns because she was going to have his child. As she spread her hands across her ever-growing stomach, she was determined to no longer allow him to treat her this way. She was, after all, the product of one of the best liberal colleges in the Northeast. She had given up everything - her beautiful shaved scalp, her fulfilling job in an intellectually stimulating work enviroment, her nicely furnished one room studio flat - everything she had, she had given it up for him. And this - this was how he repayed her? With this reinforcement of her negative value as a woman? She would not stand for it. Her conscience would not allow her

Yes, he'd been cruel to take her away from all that "fulfillment." Did she really think her boss was going to leave his wife... for her? His wife was a Kennedy, for God's sake! A Kennedy! (Well, her mother's mother had been a Kennedy. Or been drowned by one. Or something. Whatever.) Intellectually stimulating job indeed, he brooded. Wasn't betting on horse-racing intellectually stimulating? For Pete's Sake! If you didn't know the dame's sire you could be completely taken in! But who was he kidding, she was as likely to yell "move yer bloomin' arse!" at a horse race as Eliza Dolittle. Why had he even married this midwestern, first-generation college, once-removed blue-collar, public-school, tie-dyed indie rock wannabe anyway? Oh yeah... he was drunk and it was July in Monte Carlo. For the rest of his life he'd warn young men from Martha's Vinyard; don't vacation in Monte Carlo. Who knows who your waitress will be?!

[gcruse]

"Brent, you mindless fool," she growled. "I don't give a damn about your foolish brother. You know I've detested him since that night that he spilt that frothy drink down the back of my $6000 Valentino. Let him get himself out of his own mess." As she spoke the words through gritted teeth she tightened her grip on the gun, its pearly handle smooth in her grasp.

Sam Rico strained to hear more as pressed the yielding tips of his stethoscope
into his downy ears and positioned the metal disc onto the wall, tuning
the faded wallpaper like a crystal radio set, pulling in the sound of the
conversation in the next room.

"Listen, old sport," Brent's voice was getting louder as it dawned on him
that Cathryn was mistaking him for Elvis Walloon, the slick sheik at the
Kozy Kitty Klub who had dumped a drink down Cathryn's Valentino
during the Charleston competition that ended tragically in Selma losing
all her hair.
"You can help me out or go to...."

In a paroxysm of fury, Cathryn's hand jerked, sending the hammer home.

With a vicious report, the Colt fired a shot behind her, puncturing
the thin wallboard and travelling most of the way through Sam's skull.

Was this the end of the great Rico?

[secret garden]

A collective ping to the WFTD classroom. The reparte sounds so familiar.It may be old but it's the first time I've seen it(and I get tons of recycled jokes from friends).

[zip]

Thank you for the ping. I cracked up. Since this appeals to my (warped) sense of humor, it is now on the way to 8 of my friends/sibs. Mrs Zip is reading it now and says thanks.

[Cathryn Crawford]

Yes, he'd been cruel to take her away from all that "fulfillment." Did she really think her boss was going to leave his wife... for her? His wife was a Kennedy, for God's sake! A Kennedy! (Well, her mother's mother had been a Kennedy. Or been drowned by one. Or something. Whatever.) Intellectually stimulating job indeed, he brooded. Wasn't betting on horse-racing intellectually stimulating? For Pete's Sake! If you didn't know the dame's sire you could be completely taken in! But who was he kidding, she was as likely to yell "move yer bloomin' arse!" at a horse race as Eliza Dolittle. Why had he even married this midwestern, first-generation college, once-removed blue-collar, public-school, tie-dyed indie rock wannabe anyway? Oh yeah... he was drunk and it was July in Monte Carlo. For the rest of his life he'd warn young men from Martha's Vinyard; don't vacation in Monte Carlo. Who knows who your waitress will be?!

She couldn't believe his arrogance. She knew that she was smarter than him - she had scraped her way up from the bottom, while he had never worked a day in his life and had skidded through college on his good looks and Daddy's money - and he dared to imply that she was foolish for becoming pregnant! "Didn't you ever watch Friends?" she screamed. "Don't you know that condoms only work 97% of the time?"

But, like poor Ross and Joey, he had no idea. Now he was left with the sad image of a life married to her, a woman of ten times his intelligence, and their baby.

"I'm not going to stay with this idiot for one more second," she thought to herself, as she picked herself up and walked out the door.

[Argh]

I read it, it was very humourous, thanks. Miss Whyisa, you'll like this.

[SAMWolf]

Yep. That's why you need to be careful about choosing your partners.

[Cathryn Crawford]

Cathryn stood with her finger still on the trigger of the gun. The smell of the gunblast filled the room as she realized what she had nearly done in her anger. Instead of the fear that should have filled her, however, she felt a crowning sense of triumph as she saw the shock on Brent's face.

"Did you think I wouldn't do it, Brent?" she hissed, as she turned to look behind her at the hole the small bullet had left in the wall. "What if I had been pointing the other direction?" At this, with a look of fear mixed with respect, Brent turned and hurried from the room.

Cathryn turned and walked back to the desk, allowing her hand to drop to the reciever of the sleek black phone. She picked it up and dialed unhurriedly. When the voice on the other end finally came through, she quietly said, "Come get me."

[lakey]

To get your creative juices flowing.

[gcruse]

The End.

LOL

[Cathryn Crawford]

Absolutely. They all got killed. In a nuclear blast. Or an earthquake. Or something.

[A_perfect_lady]

Sam Rico strained to hear more as pressed the yielding tips of his stethoscope into his downy ears and positioned the metal disc onto the wall, tuning the faded wallpaper like a crystal radio set, pulling in the sound of the conversation in the next room.

"Listen, old sport," Brent's voice was getting louder as it dawned on him that Cathryn was mistaking him for Elvis Walloon, the slick sheik at the Kozy Kitty Klub who had dumped a drink down Cathryn's Valentino during the Charleston competition that ended tragically in Selma losing all her hair. "You can help me out or go to...."

In a paroxysm of fury, Cathryn's hand jerked, sending the hammer home.

With a vicious report, the Colt fired a shot behind her, puncturing the thin wallboard and travelling most of the way through Sam's skull.

She couldn't believe his arrogance. She knew that she was smarter than him - she had scraped her way up from the bottom, while he had never worked a day in his life and had skidded through college on his good looks and Daddy's money ... Now he was left with the sad image of a life married to her, a woman of ten times his intelligence, and their baby.

"I'm not going to stay with this idiot for one more second," she thought to herself, as she picked herself up and walked out the door.

"Go, then," he said. "You, who are so very smart. Go."

She turned, and put her hand on the crystal-cut doorknob. His voice followed her... halted her.

"You may be smarter than me. You may be ten times smarter. But are you twelve times smarter? Can you outsmart an entire jury? Can you fool them all about what you did ... to Brent?"

Her veins filled with ice as he whispered into her ear, "Did you really think I didn't know about what happened to your first husband? Do you really think there are any secrets in Monte Carlo? Do you really think there are any secrets at the Copa? The Copa Cabana?"

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

I read this once before and thought it was hilarious........thanks for thinking of me.......I think............lol

[Argh]

I always think of you. Well, sometimes. From time to time. When I've got a pain. In a private portion of my personal geography. Aw, nevermind...

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

I've been told that before.......... lol

[PatrioticAmerican]

ROTFLMFAO!!!

No offense to your great book, Travis, but I don't think you'll be topping this one for humor!

Gary has just GOT to be FReeper!