[Rutabega]

I almost never post, though I read addictively every day, but I have my own story about the State Debt and this messy business! Three years ago, I moved to Sweden with my husband because we hadn't gotten the hitches worked out with his worker's permit (he is a Swedish citizen, married to a US one, with a daughter who is a US citizen, born in the US, and had a job, etc, but since he wasn't the sort of immigrant that was the most appealing to the power's that be, they messed up our application, didn't take any blame, and left us hanging for five months!) for what was presumably going to be a few months until we got the permits worked out. Once here, he decided he wanted us to stay here, and things fell rapidly aprt in our marriage (no flames please, I tried my best, but he was a really rotten husband and a lot of really crappy things went down between us!) So, after giving him a year of warnings that I was desperate toleave, to get marriage counselling, to try and work things out (all of these were things he wasn't interested in!) I nade the very hard and miserable decision to go back to the US with my daughter. I consulted a lawyer in the US, and was told that he could invoke the Hague Convention against kidnapping on me, and had six months to do it. Over the next five months, I contacted him regularly, trying to work out an agreement with custody, so that my daughter and I could remain in the US, and he could have lots of visitation (my daughter was two when we moved back, and he had never spent one single hour with her that I wasn't there, because he said she was too much of a pest). This was not good enough, and five and a half months later (thought I was going to be home free!) I came home from work and had a letter from the US State Department telling me the rules on kidnapping. Now, I do want to remind you all that I wasn't trying to keep my daughter from my husband, I just knew that I was her primary caregiver, and that I couldn't work in Sweden (don't speak the language, and it is hard to get a job here, anyway!). So, after hours and hours of consultation with the State Dept a lawyer in Sweden and a lawyer in the US, I realized that I had no rights, and that my country was going to send me back to Sweden. The State Dept was going to find my husband a wonderful lawyer in the US, and I was going to have to pay the costs. My lawyer here told me that I would be looking at upwards of 60,000 dollars to even begin the fight, and it just wasn't possible (as he would most likely win, in any case.) Now, the technicality was that my daughter lived in Sweden for ONE month longer than she had in the US, so the custody was to be arranged in Sweden. And Sweden is across the board 50-50 custody. Please, don't think I don't want my daughter to have a great relationship with this guy, he is her dad, but I didn't want to move to a place where I can't support myself, and have no family for help. However, I moved back here in March, and am taking Swedish lessons (I am the only non-Iraqui or Bosnian in my class, and let me tell you, Clinton's War has made many more enemies than Bush's!) and living off of the Swedish welfare system. And now that we are here (and have been for almost four months!) my husband has had my daughter to spend the night with him SIX times (he is supposed to have her six times every two weeks, but it cuts into his reclaimed bachelor lifestyle, and she is a difficult three year old!) I am pretty sad about it, because every where I go, I am treated pretty badly by at least one person since I am an American (I had some guy throw a table covered with drinks on me one night because I refused to discuss the war--he was such a rabid lefty, it didn't seem worth the time!). The sad part is that that Sweden has one of the biggest track records of violating the same agreement with custody disputes, and there are tons of Americans who can't get their kids out of Sweden even though the custody was settled in US courts. So, there is my story, written even though I am sure that most of the replies will be that I obviously didn't try hard enough to keep my marriage working! (And I actually did, my parents, who are as right wing as they get, begged me to come back when they heard the stories!) Custody disputes are rotten, and since I couldn't possibly give up my daughter, I am stuck here for the next nine years (she can decide where she wants to live when she is twelve). I am soooo not a fan of the State Dept!!!

[JustPiper]

My heart is aching for you. Marriage is a personal thing, not our business, but I've been divorced and know the fear and pain and costs it can bring! I hurt so badly for you (tears) that our country is doing this and their assinine and cruel rules! In Saudi, they fought to 'not' give Sara refuge and if she went outside the Embassy she would have been either immediately arrested or her daughter taken from her. And we back that up here! We honor their abominable laws and injustices to women who marry a Saudi! Crap, I still have nightmares about Sally Fields movie "Not Without My Daughter!"

Joe's commentary does not begin to cover this story, even on his show. He had a guest, Pat Roush, whose two 'adult' daughters are still stuck in Saudi! And there are supposed to be thousands of American women dealing with this injustice in Saudi alone, whom are American Citizens. Sweden is supposed to be a beautiful place and it turned out to be hell for you. We could start a campaign here at FR for you with emailing the State Dept. etc. Would you like our help?

[JustPiper]

Freeper needs help Ping!

[Ready4Freddy]

"I almost never post..."

Or use a line break / carriage return.......

[dark_lord]

Suggestion -- since you say your daughter was born here in the US (so she is a US citizen), and so are you -- just fly back here and fade away. Your mistake was in voluntarily getting involved with the US bureaucracy. Any bureaucracy will screw you over. But if you come back, fade away (move to a different state than where you used to live) and just go low profile, you will have no problems. The state department lawyers may claim that they will fight you if you talk with them, but if you live here they are not going to spend much money attempting to track you down.

Listen carefully. Millions of illegal immigrants successfully "disappear" into life here ever year. As a legal citizen you can do so even more easily. Come back, move to a state you did not live in before, get a job, and fade away (as in, DO NOT talk with anyone in the government).

[Graymatter]

Rutabega, you trusted the law and your fellow man. You fought fair.
Now you must trust no one and fight another way. Things get worse if they don't get better.

[Steve Eisenberg]

Every word you write rings true. God bless you for putting your daughter first.

[A_perfect_lady]

What if you came back to the US again, with your daughter, and gave your ex no way of finding you?

[KC Burke]

Thanks for the first hand description of how difficult this can become.

[Mamzelle]

I am so sorry to hear this--custody and divorce are such hells even when both parents are Americans. I don't know that the State Department, though, could be expected to cope with such a complicated business.

I know some college kids who are infatuated with foreign-born students--the whiff of exoticism and those charming accents. Will forward your predicament to them, as warning. Buy American, marry American.

All you fellows who think buying an overseas bride is such a bargain, take heed.

[hocndoc]

Let me say that I believe you. Abuse is abuse. You were and are abused.

At least within our borders, the State Department should be for Americans first.

[Proud2BeFree]

I think a lot of us have State Department nightmare stories.

Back in the early 80's, I had more of a sense for adventure than I did common sense and I married a man from Egypt, a Moslem, and went to live in Egypt. 8 years later, after many years of wanting a child, we were approved to "adopt" a child through the Egyptian government. I use the term "adopt" loosely becuase i have since found out there is no such thing as true adoption. More about that later.

The marriage was quickly unraveling and an infant wasn't helping, so my survival instincts kicked into gear and I decided to head back to the US. I realized real fast I could leave any time I wanted to but couldn't take the child without his permission. He would not give permission unless he came along so we came back for a visit. He decided when we got here to get a job. He got one, and a year later decided he needed a work permit or his green card. (OK yeah I should have seen it coming but I was young and naive.) Unfortunately for him he got the green card/work permit and job BACKWARDS and the US government wasn't too happy about it.

He decided to take it out on me and managed to get one beating in. I said young and naive. NOT stupid. I calmed him down, convinced him I was ok, and got him to go to work. As soon as he was at work, I was out of there with my child. I got a divorce, restraining order, and sole custody.

Not too long after that he left for Egypt under threat of deportation. God bless the US Embassy in Cairo, they have refused him a visa for the 12 or so years since so he can't get into the US.

Unfortunately before he left he took the child's Egyptian passport, and WITHDREW her application for permanent residency, without telling me.

Fast forward - child is 15 and wants her drivers license. SO I go to get a replacement Social Security Card and they won't give it to me. I need proof of her legal residency. No problem - I contact INS and ask for proof of her legal residency. According to my lawyer that and the Child Citizenship Act of 2000 was all we needed.

Big Ooops. I discovered he withdrew the application for residency. Child was an illegal alien and has been since 1990 when the app was withdrawn. Why wasn't I notified? Well they sent a letter confirming to Ex, at the address he gave them. Needless to say I never saw it.

But anyway fast forward to now. I get copies of the "adoption" documents in the original Arabic (fortunately his old attorney had them and I had to have the supeonaed but we got them). I get them translated and then I discover it isn't an adoption agree at all. It's called "Contract for Guardianship of a Child in a Foster Home". I discover I'm not a party to this adoption at all - not sure why my they needed my fingerprint and my signature but I am clearly not a party.

So no automatic citizenship under the 2000 Child Citizenship Act.

It's back to the drawing board. An INS rep tells me to get her passport and then contact them back. I contact the Egyptian Embassy. Nope - no passport without the written permission of my Ex. He won't take phone calls from me, ignores emails, and basically thinks this entire situation is funny. He totally refused the embassy's courtesy request for permission. I should mention he's had no contact with the child at all since she was a toddler and has not paid a dime of child support. (But he has been collecting money from the Egyptian government the whole time for her foster care.)

Back to INS. They say get a copy of her I-94. I send in my $185 and get the I-94. So I get the I-94 and go back to INS with the I-94, the translated documents, the original documents, and try again.

Still no luck - technically the Egyptian government never released their "parental rights". I have no legal rights to this child except sole custody.

The child is in high school. She can't get a job, can't get a drivers license, and isn't eligible for any financial aid for college. She's an illegal alien. No passport of any kind. It may or may not even be legal for her to be attending public school. (We will ignore the fact that my husband and I work and pay taxes like everyone else so it's not a case of her sponging off the American taxpayer for school. )

Now before you jump, I was an idiot. I shouldn't have married the guy in the first place but I was young, and it seemed right at the time. Should I have "adopted" the child? Yes. Where I made my mistake was trusting my Ex - I should have had competent legal counsel advising ME - especially dealing with contracts in a second language - but when you're married that's an easy mistake to make.

I have no clue how to resolve this. The child has been with me since infancy. She has been in the US since she was 6 months old. She speaks no Arabic, and to add icing to the cake this year she chose to be baptized into the church. There is no way this child can go live in Egypt.

All the State Department Children Affairs tells me is I have to get this resolved before she turns 16 or she will not be able to stay. INS says she's an undocumented alien in this country. But she's a child.

[cherry]

hang in there!....

yes.....I agree....our state dept is more like a vehicle for other nations to get what they want from US....not the other way around....

hope things improve for you....in the mean time, keep the "home" fires burning because at least this will end someday....

[EverOnward]

Sorry to hear your troubles. I had no idea the State Department was so hostile to American mothers and their children.