He's celibate until marriage, and dates won't tolerate it

Chicago Sun-Times ^ | June 15, 2003 | Mary Mitchell

[FourPeas]

You're correct that she was willing to accept abstinence if he would make a committment. I got that wrong. However, I'd say they had different expectations, not that he was messing with her mind. After six months, he obviously didn't know if she was The One. Apparently, she did. That's not being dishonorable to her. From the article it sounds like he plans/hopes to marry. Let's face it being celebate he has a pretty good incentive to find the woman he wants to marry.

I just don't see how the simple sentences of:

"I dated a very intelligent woman, an attorney, who was OK with celibacy," Washington said. "But after six months, she wanted me to make a commitment. She felt if she knew we were going to marry then she could abstain. I couldn't make that promise."

can be construed to mean that he was messing with her mind. I just don't see it.

[Mister Magoo]

Bingo. This is not a conservative or liberal issue. It's a "normal" vs. "abnormal" issue. Every parent on this board who had a son that had been celibate for 10 years during his 20s, excepting that he was an ordained priest, would seriously wonder if their son wasn't gay, clinically depressed, or have serious psychological issues.

[FourPeas]

There should be signs of affection; if there isn't when you're dating, there sure won't be any after the marriage.

Agreed. How do you know he doesn't show affection?? The article says he doesn't sleep with girlfriends, not that he doesn't hold their hand, hug them, etc.

[supercat]

Time that should be spent building a relationship being used to play often means when the 7th inning stretch comes one of the two has taken their ball and bat to look for a new field to play in

Not sure I can parse that.

Do you agree with my suggestion that there are many more important factors in the permutation of the events listed than whether (5) precedes (7)?

[rb22982]

What's wrong with intelligent women? I can't stand talking to women who seem to possess no intelligence or common sense. You prefer talking to a cardbox box with a pretty picture posted on for a face? (the lawyer part I agree with)

[hellinahandcart]

Are you saying that after six months you know someone well enough to get married? Uh uh.

No, but if a man doesn't know if the potential for marriage is there or not after six months of *dating* (not just being aquainted), he's taking indecisiveness to an extreme.

Like I said, he must think he's going to live for 200 years. If he keeps this pace up, he'll have to.

[freedumb2003]

>>However should I find a nice man around my age, of course I would sleep with him and I wouldn't consider myself engaging in unpaid prostitution.<<

You sum up the decay of our society siccinctly. There are no morals left. Sex is like boating, bike riding, eating or any other pleasurable activity (of course, the fact that boating, bike riding, eating cannot produce progeny and that the only 100% sure form of birth control is absitinence is moot. Who cares if even there is a small chance of bringing a life into existence? Hey, that's his/her problem! Of course STDs and AIDS only happen to gays and the African continent. The fact that you are sleeping with every single person your partner sver slept with and that geometric progression continues with the next "steady" relationship is also of no meaning).

I can't go any further than that, since last time I had a discussion of this nature the AM got all mad.

[BlazingArizona]

People that fall into the sack to see if they "fit" often substitute that for a relationship where they really have to talk about things and ideas and see if they will be friends AFTER they are married a couple of years

You're talking about a diffferent problem: couples who find that the sexual part of their relationship is so good that they don't care if anything else everr develops. I'm more concerned with situations in which the couple wants every important aspect of the relationship to work right. Finding out that your husband is an "ice king" when you're not is not something you want to have happen after the marriage takes place.

[TheSpottedOwl]

If the woman asked for a commitment out of the blue after six months, and dumped the guy because he wasn't willing to promise within five minutes that he'd marry her, I'd blame the woman. If, however, she game him a reasonable timetable to make such a decision and he refused to either make it or negotiate a different but specific timetable, I'd blame him.

Exactly. This guy seems to be advertising that he wants to get married, so the women he dates are also marriage minded. 33 isn't that old for a guy, but for a woman who wants a family, it's scary. You have to be careful and not jump into something (this I know from bitter experience), but you usually get a feeling for the person right off the bat. Unless of course you've landed a sociopath.

I gave a Sweetie a diamond ring four months to the day after we met. About four months after that, I gave her a matching gold ring. That night, we were too tired to do anything. But after that...

Congratulations, you knew what you wanted and didn't waste time :)

[Pan_Yans Wife]

Or, they could assume that they raised their son correctly, with strong values, and that their son is waiting for marriage.

I detect a double standard... what if it was a daughter that was waiting for marriage? Would you think she was gay or had a psychological disorder?

[Tall_Texan]

I remember several years ago when Clinton's misconduct became headline news. At about the same time Bob Dole was advertising for Viagra. The leading Democrat was accused of being a serial rapist while a senior Republican politician talked about his impotence. That is everything you need to know about the American two-party system.

I've often said that the 1996 election was referendum on whether you wanted a president who could "get it up" or a president who couldn't "keep it down".

Since you brought up Viagra, I got to see MRS. Rafael Palmiero on TV last night and, judging from the looks of her, I imagine Rafael gets all sorts of quizzical looks about his Viagra promotionals. If it was difficult to get interested in her, the man must have *really* had problems...

[7 x 77]

Among Catholics before the 60's, the large majority were chaste till marriage, and there were few divorces. Contrast that with today.

The same is true for other denominations, to a lesser extent.

[Paulus Invictus]

A Darwin Award goes to men who partake of unprotected sex with multiple partners. One or more of the femmes will prove to be fatale in sending him off with a STD or worse--AIDS. Who's the better-- a man who resists having sex before marriage or a profligate?

The world's best example of a profligate is, of course, Klintoon, Hitlery's hero.

[supercat]

Congratulations, you knew what you wanted and didn't waste time :)

Given that we didn't even have fourteen months together on the planet, I'm glad I had the "marital perks" for almost six of them.

[TheSpottedOwl]

Agreed. How do you know he doesn't show affection?? The article says he doesn't sleep with girlfriends, not that he doesn't hold their hand, hug them, etc.

Because the guy sounds like a cold fish. I couldn't see him tickling his girl after a rousing game of Scrabble.

[sauropod]

"Most men I know, when they don't want to talk about something, do not make a sound..."

I didn't say a word...

[Pan_Yans Wife]

Don't get banned. You have interesting points to make.

[FourPeas]

Because the guy sounds like a cold fish. I couldn't see him tickling his girl after a rousing game of Scrabble.

So basically you don't know that he doesn't show affection. So you're commenting on his actions based upon an assumption you made by an impression you received from reading an article. Uh huh.

[tutstar]

But if you are still celibate at 33, there is something wrong.

Why is there something wrong?

[Paulus Invictus]

Well, there is a school of thought that believes that Jesus was married, possibly to Mary Magdalene. No one really knows, but it's an interesting conjecture. Some Jewish scholars believe that Jesus was the groom at the wedding in Cana because his mother asked him to get more wine for the wedding party. According to Jewish custom of the time, it was the duty of the groom to provide the refreshments at weddings. Jesus did the job in an unexpected way. It's a good story anyway...