LADIES - Learn The RULES!!!!!!

The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

Small nit to pick here. Men need the seat down sometimes, and up sometimes. Women need it down all the time. Therefore, the majority of the time, the seat needs to be down! Down is the default selection!

Also, for some unknown reason, my father always put the seat down, and I just grew up thinking ALL men did that. When I got married, it was, uh, a shock. But I was willing to work with it. We had two bathrooms, and all I ever asked was that he not put the seat up in the guest bathroom. Never paid attention to me (on this or other subjects).

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

I wish I could grow those long, lovely locks, but, alas, I have baby fine hair that gets very scraggly once past my shoulders.

I will say, however, that I've worn it shoulder-length most of my adult life, although I cut it very short just before my ex and I split up (ya think it was a signal to him? LOL!). Right now, it's short because it just happens to be a very flattering cut (and I'm not married to anyone right now!).

On the flip side of this - if you're a man, you can wear your hair long or short, be bald or not, have a beard, moustache or be clean shaven, and it's all okay with me. Just as long as the hair is clean and neat. Is this enough of a compromise?

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

As I recall from my marriage, I lost interest in sex because my ex wasn't terribly talented in that area, and he refused to learn. Once he was out of the picture, my interest came back. So, if she's got a 17-month headache, maybe the headache is you....

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

My philosophy has always been that when it comes to ogling women, you may always use three of your five senses. But no touching or tasting, okay?

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

Yeah, but he was trying to get to India and didn't even come close, did he?

Other than that - it's not a bad list at all. ::grin::

Maven

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