LADIES - Learn The RULES!!!!!!

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[JoeSixPack1]

OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!

The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Rules for Women to Live By

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[ALS]

don't forget the remote..

[HighWheeler]

Soooooo.....does he also do needlepoint and read Cosmo?

[luckystarmom]

We don't like it when our kids pull our long hair. Short hair is cooler, and it's easier to wash/dry.

Mothers become very practical.

[HighWheeler]

Any woman who would sit on the toilet without checking the seat first deserves a wet butt.

[Paul Atreides]

I challenge any man to take a bathroom trip during the middle of the night with no lights and sit on the seat...I guarantee you that you too would complain.

Nah. I'd learn a lesson from it.

[Cate]

Oh he noticed, and it took alot of lovin' to convince him that I was growing it back as fast as I could...

[goodnesswins]

LOL...NOT hardly.....but he does flyfish, and has tied a few flies....does that count as needlepoint?

[JoeSixPack1]

Absoleutly acceptable, extremely generous and noble!

My compliments to your hubby! <|:)~~

[Arpege92]

AAAAAAAHHHHH....I dare ya to take a bathroom trip with NO LIGHTS....and sitting down.

[Arpege92]

You want us to do the giving and you the taking....is this correct?

[Paul Atreides]

Why would you do your business in the dark? What if the seat is down and you go in there in the dark and, at that moment, there is a spider on the seat?

[goodnesswins]

LOL...there is a reason for NIGHT LIGHTS!

[Paul Atreides]

I'm just saying that it is a two-way street.

[Paul Atreides]

If I tried to go in the dark, I might accidentally straddle the clothes hamper.

[JoeSixPack1]

OK, OK, OK, but,,,

"Change our own oil".???? See, just like a woman,, never paying attention when you're going off....,,, It said you should "CHECK YOUR OIL, PLEASE!"

We'll change it! Just don't blow the engine. ;-)

Everything else,, well, yes, Dear.

[Paul Atreides]

Or, are you wanting us to do the giving and you the taking? ;-)

[Arpege92]

My bathroom light would shine directly on hubby's eyes....just trying to be thoughtful. Also, I do check for the seat but on a rate occasion....I don't. I have fallen in and yes, I learned my lesson. My point is, if you want us to be so accomodating....then you guys have to do the same!

[Paul Atreides]

My bathroom light would shine directly on hubby's eyes

Close the door.

[Arpege92]

Yes Dear....LOL....that's too true! But, who's the first to baby you when your sick? I am convinced my hubby would live on fast food if he didn't have me. I caught him a few times eating right out of the pan over the sink....he claims he was trying not to dirty too many dishes. I told him he doesn't even do the dishes....how hard is it anyway to just put the dishes in the dishwasher.

[Mark17]

A woman cannot have too many shoes.

How about Imelda Marcos?