LADIES - Learn The RULES!!!!!!

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[JoeSixPack1]

OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!

The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Rules for Women to Live By

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[wimpycat]

I agree, it was selfish - of you, that is. Why couldn't you just donate the money instead? Did you have to make yourself feel like a good and charitable person at the expense of your husband ?

Good heavens, what a response!

Cate, I think it was very nice of you to donate your hair for pediatric cancer patients.

[Mr Rogers]

Touchy, aren't we.

Why don't we just fast forward to "That's OK" & "Fine".

BTW - I'm 6'4", 235 pounds, and incredibly handsome - on the internet.

[BSunday]

The question still remains - Why couldn't you just donate the money instead?

[Capriole]

Touchy, aren't we. Why don't we just fast forward to "That's OK" & "Fine". BTW - I'm 6'4", 235 pounds, and incredibly handsome - on the internet.

Gee, Mr. Rogers, you have to expect some touchiness if you suggest before 100000 Freepers that a woman is fat. But I still get paid, every once in awhile, for being ina commercial or doing a bit part in a movie, so things can't have slipped too far over the years. You don't have to believe it if you don't want to.

Anyway, I prefer "Whatever" to "That's okay," and "Fine."

[cake_crumb]

As I was moving along toward middle age, I started thinking about a new (but still feminie) look. I said something to hubby about cutting my long chestnut hair.

He said (actually, when he speaks, he runbles like a bear) "No."

That was that. It's been 7 years since I mentioned it and my hair's still long (besides, I like the look of a French braid and you can't do those with short hair)

[wimpycat]

Sheesh, I thought you were actually joking. Well, money doesn't cover a bald cancer patient's head--hair does. The hair has to come from somewhere. And if everybody asked, "Why can't they get the hair from somewhere else?" then there wouldn't be any hair at all for the cancer patients.

Why do you say her hair donation is "at the expense" of her husband, anyway? How did he suffer? How was he harmed?

Besides, I'm willing to bet that Cate's husband only "whined" in a superficial way. I bet he thinks better of her for doing what she did.

[cake_crumb]

"The question still remains - Why couldn't you just donate the money instead?"

I hate to jump into someone else's argument, but the hair is for wigs for the cancer patients. Human hair makes much better looking wigs, which helps with the patient's feeling of well being. Both my sister and I have donated our hair. It grows back and aided in the well being of a very ill person. Cate's not your wife. Get over it: her husband did.

[Petruchio]

It is easy to act like a soap opera guy. All we gotta do is sleep with someone else's wife every other week . . .

[BSunday]

Well, money doesn't cover a bald cancer patient's head--hair does.

Oops....never mind.

[wimpycat]

Heh...I should have said "donated money doesn't cover a bald cancer patient's head, donated hair does."

[ChefKeith]

My philosophy has always been that when it comes to ogling women, you may always use three of your five senses. But no touching or tasting, okay?

We can read the menu, just don't order anything;^)~

[Capriole]

You may have a point. Women certainly don't want that. Maybe the author meant to write "hero of a romance novel." Women do want someone to gaze soulfully into our eyes and say, "I adore you." And mean it, of course.

[P.O.E.]

I never heard the "rule" about which way it should go....

Read in Dear Abby once that since they put the design on one side, the roll goes "over".

IMHO, it goes in whatever way it happens to be facing at the time I'm putting it in. ;)

[Servant of the Nine]

Whenever I hear a woman say "Its easier to maintain" or "I don't need it long any more" I hear, "I don't care about sex with him." She is sadly forgetting that he may want to have a sex life with her.

If you are doing it right, she won't ever decide she isn't interested in sex with you.

So9

[cake_crumb]

"You may have a point. Women certainly don't want that. Maybe the author meant to write 'hero of a romance novel.' Women do want someone to gaze soulfully into our eyes and say, 'I adore you.' And mean it, of course"

We agree in pronciple, but this woman prefers just having my man LOOK at me that way. When he means it, he doesn't have to say it.

[BSunday]

That's okay, I was the ignorant one there, and I stand corrected.

[altura]

ping to consider later (maybe)

[Petruchio]

Women do want someone to gaze soulfully into our eyes and say, "I adore you." And mean it, of course.

As different as men and women are, I think you hit on something we all can agree on. Men also want to feel they are the center of her universe.

Actually, I like the differences, it keeps a relationship interesting, adds more spice.

[lowbridge]

. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

Yeah, but he was trying to get to India and didn't even come close, did he?

And he wound up discovering an even better country which provided a 24 hour 7-11 and air conditioned hotel rooms for his weary crew.

(someone has to stick up for Chris around here) :-)

[najida]

Women do want someone to gaze soulfully into our eyes and say, "I adore you." And mean it, of course.
As different as men and women are, I think you hit on something we all can agree on. Men also want to feel they are the center of her universe.

_____

~~sniffle~~ Finally, we have a common ground and truer words were never spoken.

With that, I think I will go read a Nora Roberts novel.