Sidney Blumenthal abridged (The Clinton Wars, summarized)

The Weekly Standard ^ | May 27, 2003 | Editorial Staff (uncredited)

[Cincinatus]

Annals of Sid

Sidney Blumenthal, the Erich von Stroheim of the Clinton administration, has published a memoir of his White House days--to generally poor reviews, most of them from newspapers and magazines ordinarily sympathetic to the author's politics. Of course, no such book should be assumed useless simply because its notices are stinko. Very often, in fact, it's the "worst" first-person accounts of recent political history that provide the best sort of fun: unintentionally embarrassing anecdotes that the clueless writer imagines are worth boasting about. Alas, however, even on these ironic terms, "The Clinton Wars" turns out to be an unusually nutritionless meal. And such large portions! Eight hundred-plus pages of mercilessly patronizing, tutelary prose the likes of which most grownups won't have seen since those lives-of-the-great-inventors library books they made us read in elementary school.

In sum, we can't recommend the thing.

Nevertheless, as a service to those of our readers who remain helplessly curious about Blumenthal's brand of political pathology, The Scrapbook offers the following, handy-dandy condensation of "The Clinton Wars." All quotations guaranteed accurate. No, really.

CHAPTER ONE: Sidney introduces his hero during a visit to FDR's boyhood home in March 1993. "President Clinton brought in with him a stream of cool, brisk air from outside. At six feet, two inches, with a jutting jaw, gray-green eyes, a ruddy complexion, and loose long limbs, Clinton was the most physically imposing person in the room, as he almost always was." Having survived a "vicious" Republican election campaign the previous autumn, Clinton is now confronting a conservative reaction against the "protean nature" of his personality, symbolized by the president's "eclectic relationship with music," which "the traditionally minded warned was the devil's sign." Clinton is determined to persist. "One evening, without advance notice, Clinton conducted the National Symphony at the Kennedy Center. A member of the orchestra told me he was the only guest conductor they'd ever had who knew what he was doing."

CHAPTER TWO: Given America's "peculiar vulnerability" to "moralistic absolutism, anti-intellectualism, [and] populist demagogy," many people fail to see Clinton as he is: "the poor boy who rises by dint of hard work, merit, superior intelligence, and character." And ignorant suspicion of Clinton, always amplified by processing through "the right-wing gears," breeds a series of empty domestic scandals: "There was never anything to Whitewater," a fantasy concocted by men who "shared an antagonism toward blacks and toward Bill Clinton." Meanwhile, things go wrong overseas, too. Republicans are to blame. "Powell dominated Clinton's foreign policy councils." Ominously, we hear of a man named Kenneth Starr, "the son of a Church of Christ minister, inculcated in biblical literalism and the sinfulness of drink, dancing, and fornicating."

CHAPTER THREE: To conservatives, "[i]f government was the Behemoth from the Book of Revelation, Clinton must be Lucifer." Therefore, the Clinton health care plan fails, and all looks grim until . . . the Oklahoma City bombing, "a turning point against the Republican right."

CHAPTER FOUR: Enter Dick Morris, an "opportunist," sure, but someone who "helped Clinton to be pragmatic for good ends," meaning a reelection victory in 1996. Sidney helps too. First he persuades the president to use the magic words "One America" in his 1996 State of the Union address. Then "I hit upon a phrase: the indispensable nation," that revolutionized American foreign policy. "These phrases were not mere slogans. The words mattered." Republican attacks on Democratic fundraising improprieties sputter when "[a]ll the charges were revealed to be empty," and Clinton wins a second term.

CHAPTER FIVE: "The facts would have upset the way they were telling the story, so there were no facts," but media attention to Whitewater persists, and soon Mrs. Clinton is "under siege." The siege is unfair. "In brief, every one of the accusations against the Clintons was false." Sidney provides Hillary a respite from Washington by arranging for her to attend a Manhattan luncheon with friendly writers and deliver a speech at the Council on Foreign Relations. The reception is "overwhelmingly positive." And it is "a step on the road that led her eventually to decide to run for the Senate." But meanwhile, back in the capital, media hostility, especially at the Washington Post, continues unabated; "a bias toward the Republican version was presented as objective." Paula Jones files her lawsuit. Clinton, frustrated but still eager to bring goodness to the world, asks Sidney to join his staff. Sidney agrees.

CHAPTER SIX: Sidney recalls his childhood and education; his career in journalism; his active participation in various Democratic political campaigns he was simultaneously writing about; and his friendships with an immensely long list of famous people. His journalism arouses ire "from only one element: the neoconservatives," whose politics have a "Stalinist" method. But these enemies manage to derail Sidney's work at the New Yorker. He is replaced by the late Michael Kelly, which makes Clinton's job offer all the more attractive.

CHAPTER SEVEN: "My title was Assistant to the President. Within the formal rankings of the White House, this is the highest level."

CHAPTER EIGHT: "Learning by observing others on the staff, I quickly saw that part of my function was that of a catalyst." The catalyst has many conversations with the president and first lady and writes them many memos, all quoted at interminable length.

CHAPTER NINE: Sidney introduces British prime minister Tony Blair to Clinton, and the two Americans help their Labour party friend restore England to greatness. At home, Sidney and the president continue their struggle against conservatism, a force whose "authentic" roots lie in "the Confederacy" and a commitment to "concentrated private power." The Confederates fight back: The Monica Lewinsky story breaks in the press.

CHAPTERS TEN THROUGH TWELVE: Sidney already knows "about the right-wing conservative movement," but to learn how that movement is fabricating a sex scandal against the president, he cultivates David Brock. With Brock's help, Sidney discovers that Starr, in league with the media and "the knuckle-dragging crowd," intends to use Lewinsky to destroy the Clinton administration and all its good deeds. The Lewinsky investigation is "an Italianate conspiracy--an intricate, covert, amoral operation bent on power." Sidney is subpoenaed by the grand jury. "Serious journalists" are "shocked and dismayed." Others are not. Mike Kelly calls Blumenthal "Sid the Human Ferret," though Kelly fails to cite "a single documented incident" to verify the contention. Sidney decides to sacrifice himself to preserve Clinton's presidency, even in the face of anti-Semitic attacks from Vanity Fair: "Self-denial was the price of public service that had to be paid." Blumenthal's academic friends organize in the president's defense, and the tide begins to turn: "Not since Vietnam had the intellectuals intervened in politics with such effect."

CHAPTER THIRTEEN: Oddly undeterred by the intellectuals, House Republicans prepare to impeach the president. "Minor academic scholars or conservative political figures" are pressed into service by the GOP and make "tendentious" arguments. Many of those arguments focus on Sidney himself, because he is "Eastern educated, a 1960s graduate, from the liberal media, Jewish, [and] intellectual." During the Senate impeachment trial, Blumenthal is betrayed by his friend Christopher Hitchens, an "unkempt," "bleary-eyed," "unreliable," and chronically "lubricated" person. But justice triumphs in the end.

CHAPTERS FOURTEEN & FIFTEEN: "After the Kosovo war, other world leaders regarded Clinton with a deference that extended beyond his role as the chief of state of the number-one power. . . . Because of their implicit trust in him, U.S. prestige reached a zenith it had not enjoyed since perhaps the presidency of John F. Kennedy." Sidney is centrally involved in diplomacy with European political leaders, but he eventually shifts attention to Mrs. Clinton's planned Senate campaign. "Most of her staff were against it," but "I said it was a risk she should take."

CHAPTER SIXTEEN: "The negative Republican campaign against Al Gore, once begun, never ended." George W. Bush, a man who has spent "much of" his life on "drunken sprees," now has a "messianic streak about his destiny gained from his born-again religious conversion"--and Bush is consequently a "ruthless" campaigner. In the end, however, "Gore had won the votes of a majority of the American people." But Florida, which once had "the largest Klan in the South," hangs in the balance. The Bush campaign encourages a riot to disrupt vote counting in Miami. A "flagrantly political and authoritarian" decision by the Supreme Court halts that voting, effectively denying black Floridians "the full rights of citizenship." Bush is "installed" in the White House.

CHAPTERS SEVENTEEN & EIGHTEEN: A "concatenation of pseudoscandals" plagues the administration as its time winds down, but the president leaves office a giant (with Sid on his shoulder). Future chief executives "will stand in the shadow of Clinton."

[Cincinatus]

This piece is hilarious! Kudos and thanks to TWS for saving everybody $30.00!

At home, Sidney and the president continue their struggle against conservatism, a force whose "authentic" roots lie in "the Confederacy"

ROFL!!! Who knew that Sid was a paleocon!??

[backhoe]

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/917940/posts?page=9#9

[TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig]

here's the short version for you. Save yourself the hours in line waiting for you copy and just read this version.

[Carolina]

Annals of Sid

I will not say it, I will not say it, I will not say it...

[Cincinatus]

Oh go ahead -- indulge yourself!

[Ajnin]

We keep seeing this crap about Goober winning the popular vote but for some reason I just don't believe it. I think Bush won the EC and the popular vote if only by a slight margin.

[section9]

Sidney Blumenthal is an obsequieous, bootlicking little toadie. I don't intend to pick up Sid's book, as I already know the admiration that Rudolf Hoess felt when taking down transcription from Hitler in Landsberg. At least Mein Kampf has the comparitive virtue of being historically important.

However, Sidney's hagiographic approach to the Clinton regime imparts a valuable lesson: you are known by the company you keep.

Hillary Clinton has kept Sid around to do her dirty work for her. That should speak volumes about her, as well as Sid.

Be Seeing You,

Chris

[Elkiejg]

Annals of Sid I will not say it, I will not say it, I will not say it...

LOL - almost spewed coffee on my keyboard!!

[Peach]

The Democratic mantra that Bush was installed and Gore won more votes is simply not true. Consider the following:

Five major news organizations DID undertake an entire recount of ALL the votes in the State of Florida. The result in all five recounts: Bush won Florida with a majority of votes.

The US Supreme Court did not install Bush. The US Supreme Court said that Florida COULD recount the votes but had to recount ALL the votes, not just those Democratic districts that Gore wanted recounted. The Florida Supreme Court decided not to undertake the effort.

NOT ONE registered minority voter signed up with the ACLU or NAACP to testify in court they were denied the right to vote. NOT ONE.

[Hidgy]

Sid is a boot-licking jerk!

[Ajnin]

I have a vague memory of a cursory explanation of why all the votes were not tallied in each state. I can't remember where I saw this explanation, but I believe if every vote in every state had been counted, Bush would have won the popular vote as well.

[Eric in the Ozarks]

When you add in the denied military absentee votes and then subtract all those Democrat votes from dead people and their dogs, I don't think anyone will every know.

[NYC GOP Chick]

Sidney Blumenthal is an obsequieous, bootlicking little toadie.

I really believe that he has a MAJOR crush on the Sinkmaster and would have *loved* to have been in Monica Lewinsky's place, on her knees.

[Miss Marple]

"President Clinton brought in with him a stream of cool, brisk air from outside. At six feet, two inches, with a jutting jaw, gray-green eyes, a ruddy complexion, and loose long limbs, Clinton was the most physically imposing person in the room, as he almost always was."

Here's that "jutting jaw (complete with lip bite):

I always thought of it as the "Mussolini look."

[cardinal4]

The Clinton Wars abridged:

[NYC GOP Chick]

Yes, the Mussolini Jaw Thrust. It always made me want to punch holes in the walls whenever I saw that -- especially when coupled with that cocky "pimp walk/roll/strut" he likes to do.

[Carolinamom]

Sickening self-imposed slavery to the Clintons IMO. I can't believe a publisher paid money for this tripe. It's a certainty that I will not make the same mistake.

[Miss Marple]

I am still trying to figure out why he is portrayed as an attractive man. Even in his youth he looked like a weak weasel. He is not aging well, he is all squishy fat, and he has the creepiest spider-like hands I have ever seen.

Blech. For Sidney, love is truly blind.

[mabelkitty]

Bush did win both, as it is a proven fact that there was extensive fraud on the part of the Democratic party.

[mabelkitty]

Who said he was attractive?

He looks like an older, gayer version of Harry Potter.