Posted on 05/22/2003 11:01:27 AM PDT by jdege
By David Erickson , 05.18.2003
I think I'll buy a horse.
First, I miss the mounted police patrolling Grand Avenue here in St. Paul, and second, I want to fit in with the New Minnesota.
Thanks to the new conceal carry law, in a mere nine days I can saddle up to Billy's on Grand, wrap the reigns of my trusty equine companion Traveler around a post, and saunter into the bar for a shot of whiskey (and stay there until 2 a.m.) and perhaps a game of poker (with my back to the wall, of course). I can sit down, kick my boots up on a table--chair reclining ever so slightly--pull the tip of my black Stetson hat down over my eyes, spark up a cigar and scratch at the five o'clock shadow creeping across my jaw, comfortable in the knowledge that no one will mess with this bad mutha once they get a load of the twin pearl-handled Colt 45 Peacemakers strapped to my legs.
But then I'd probably have to get a permit for the horse. And that could be onerous.
So, instead, maybe I'll buy a 1936 Buick. A black one. With suicide doors and wide white sidewalls. I could park it out front of Billy's and emerge decked out in my black fedora and my pinstriped suit bulging slightly with my machine pistol--a telltale warning for anyone looking for trouble.
So I'm all set. All I need to ensure that nobody screws with me is my horse, or my gangster car, my gun, and my permit. And to get a permit, all I need to do is be 21 years or older (check), a US citizen or permanent resident (check), a photocopy of my ID (check), one hundred bucks for the permit (check), completed application (not yet), proof that I passed a safe gun use training course (not yet, but I'm pretty confident I'd pass) and a statement claiming that to the best of my knowledge, I'm not ineligible to carry a gun. Say, for being convicted for robbing a couple of convenience stores as a teenager, for example (check). And even then....
Assuming I passed all of the above, my sheriff would do a background check on me to make sure I wasn't a gang member or mentally ill and within 30 days he'd have to either give me my laminated permit or tell me why I'd been denied. So much for local control.
Glock 19 and permit in hand, I could stuff the gun in my shoulder holster (no need to conceal, actually) and head off to church, the grocery store, the bar or even the bank unless the owners of said establishments explicitly ban firearms from their premises by posting signs saying as much. If I ignore their request to leave my gun at the door, they can ask me to leave, but if I don't, I can be fined $25.
So unless I'm told otherwise, I can bring my gun pretty much anywhere. I can bring it to work and many public buildings; I can bring it on a Metro Transit bus (but the bus driver can't have one--sucks to be you!); and I can bring it to the park. I can carry it in my car.
I cannot carry it inside a school (but I can have it in their parking lot), I can't carry it in federal facilities, post offices, correctional facilities, state hospitals, county jails, courthouse complexes, or, of course, the Capitol (so what are legislators afraid of, if this law is so harmless?).
I've never owned a gun and I don't mind other people owning guns. I have no plans to buy one in the future. But that may change. 'Cause I gotta admit, the notion that under Pawlenty's Armed To The Teeth law, any idiot with a couple hundred bucks could get a permit to carry makes me, well, uneasy.
I'm disturbed at the thought that someone who goes into a towering rage because I forgot to put on my turn signal has something more lethal than his mouth with which to accost me. I'm uneasy that the guy at the end of the bar may not like the political opinions I espouse when I'm debating with my buddies. I'm concerned that those rivalries that sometimes get too heated at Vikings/Packers or Twins/White Sox games will escalate into deadly force.
Maybe everything will work out just fine and every gun-toting Minnesotan will display perfect judgment whenever they feel threatened or that they will not let their emotions overpower reason. Still, put me down as skeptical.
I know that I share these concerns with many ordinary Minnesotans but chief among those who should be concerned are Minnesota's Republican legislators. Because from May 28 on, every time there is a crime in Minnesota involving a gun, you know the news media will tell us whether or not those involved had a permit. And it will just take one rampaging permit-holder to paint Republicans with the blame.
Furthermore, isn't it curious that Republicans, who are ostensibly against trial lawyers and against burdening businesses with aditional regulations, would pass such a law?
You know this law will fuel lawsuits by victims of permit-holder gun violence on the premises of establishments that have not fully complied with the gun ban provisions. It amounts to a tax on the very businesses Republicans are always talking about defending, since they will have to buy signs for every entrance and it will add to businesses' administrative burdens because they'll need to develop new employee policies.
And what about those provisions that establishments must adhere to if they don't want guns on their premises? They have to post the signs and they must also "personally inform the person [i.e. the visitor] of the posted request and demand compliance." So, then, the greeters at Target, for instance, must personally tell every customer about the signs and demand compliance? Target might have to hire more greeters to make sure they cover everyone. And what happens if, during a busy period, a permit-holding, gun-toting customer slips through without being informed of the signs and then that person shoots another customer? Cha-ching! Bring on the lawyers. One of Minnesota's best corporations has got a multimillion dollar lawsuit on their hands.
About the only businesses that will come out ahead are the signmakers. Call it the Full Employment for Signmakers Act.
I believe he said the only people who carried pearl handled revolvers were pimps.
If memory serves me (and I've seen the movie about 20 times over the years), the quote was "They're IVORY! Only a pimp from a cheap New Orleans whole house carries pearl handled revolvers."
That's it! Funny how it propably fits this guy to a "T".
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