Posted on 05/20/2003 6:29:02 PM PDT by tvn
David Letterman monologue: By the way, we have captured Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein earlier today (applause)....I guess it's true, I read it in the New York Times. (laughter)... Maybe it is, may be it isn't
The search continues for new NY Times slogan- The top 80 Proposed so far: 1) ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT--NOT
2) LOTS OF NEWS THAT'S NOT FIT TO PRINT
3) ALL THE NEWS WE PRINT ISN'T FIT
4) All Our Views That's News to Print
5) All the News That We See Fit to Print
6) All the News As We See It
7) All the News, Fact or Better, Fiction
8) All the News, Well At Least Almost
9) All the News That We Can Dream Up
10) All The News We Can Crib From Others 11) Some News, Some Fiction, You Figure It Out
12) All The News We Can Dream Up or Steal
13) All the News That's Fit to Print and Is Cleared by Our Lawyers
14) Lots of News We've Stolen From Other Papers
15) All the News Fit for a Plagiarist
16) All News Only a Plagiarist Can Love
17) All The News, Just Don't Check the Sources
18) All the News, Trust Us--Honest
19) Changing Fiction To Fact
20) All News, No Credibility
21) All the Lies Fit to Print.
22) Face it, We Just Like to Print!
23) Aside from the pervasive Marxist bias, multitudinous errors and mis-information, and Anti-capitalist/anti-American posturing, we ain’t that bad!"
24) "All The News That Fits Our Views."
25) All The News That’s Fit to Print, Except For the Stuff We Make Up
26) All the News And Then the Part We Make Up
27) Some Facts, the Rest Fiction
28) Reporting Fiction Stranger than Fact
29) Reporting Facts And Stranger Fiction
30) When It's Raines, It Bores
31) All the News Cribbed to Fit
32) Just the Facts and Some Fiction Thrown In
33) Readers of the World Forgive Us
34) We Can Fool All of the People Some of the Time- That’s Enough for Us
35) The Blair Filch Project
36) Nothing But the Truth (Except for the Part We Make Up)
37) Leading Nominee for Pulitzer Prize for Fiction
38) A Lie Told Often Enough Becomes Fact in the Times 39) Truth is Truth, Except in the New York Times
40) Transforming Lies into Truth
41) Weaving A Tangled Web to Deceive
42) When the Going Gets Tough, The Times Makes It Up
43) Give Us A Dollar, And We’ll Give You The World-- As We See It
44) The New York Times- We Try Harder, Then We Make It Up.
45) The New York Times, The Ultimate Lying Machine
46) When the News Absolutely, Positively Has to be Reported, We Make It Up.
47) We Answer to the Highest Authority- Ourselves
48) New York Times- Do They or Don’t They?
49) Hey, We All Make Mistakes
50) We Admit--When You’re Wrong, You’re Wrong
51) We Really Messed Up
52) We’re Really, Really Sorry—Honest
53) We Rarely Make Mistakes, But When We Do, They Tend To Be Lulus
54) What’s The Big Deal- We Usually Get It Right
55) Remember, The Washington Post Makes Mistakes Too
56) If You Don’t Believe Us- You Can Check The Facts on Google
57) We’ll Get It Right Yet
58) The Internet’s Replacing the Printed Press Anyway
59) What’s The Big Deal, It’s Not Like We Committed A Crime
60) What's the Big Deal- News Stories Are Like Subways—There’s A New One Arriving Every Few Minutes
61) We’ve Replaced the 5 W’s (Who, What, When, Where, Why) With the 5P’s (Pontificate, Proselytize, Persuade, Prevaricate, Persecute) and the 5 D’s ( Defraud, Distort, Deceive, Denounce, Dissemble)
62) When In Doubt, We Make It Up
63) Newspaper of Broken Record
64) All the News—And Then the Raines Came
65) Ethics—Who Needs “Em
66) We Have Nothing To Fear But -- Truth Itself
67) When the News Breaks, We “Fix” It
68) New York, New York, It’s A Wonderful Town—Just Don’t Rely on the Times
69) The New York Times would like to retract the following statement:
"All The News That's Fit To Print"
We have determined that this has been a daily lie for some time now, and we are diligently investigating how we can pin it all on Jason Blair. We appreciate your forbearance in this matter.
70) All the News That's Fit to Print, More or Less
71) "We decide, we report"
72) Maybe It’s True, Maybe it isn’t
73) Gray Lady down—and on her way out
74) We Always Knew What Was Fit To Print—Now We’re Really Not Sure
75) Neither Raines, Nor Sleet, Nor Dead Of Night Will Keep Us From Delivering Our Version of News
76) Raines’ Flops Keep Befalling On Our Headlines
77) Howell Raines’ Disdain Befalls Mainly Those in the Main
78) New York, New York- If We Can Make It Up There, We Can Make It Up Any Where
79) You Want To Be Sure, Check With the Christian Science Monitor
80) We Have To Find Some Way To Keep Our Circulation Up
"Close the Door,
I'm Tryin' to Poop!"
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