'Honey, You Repel Me': Advice For Couples in a Sexless Marriage

Wall Street Journal ^ | Thursday, May 15, 2003 | SUE SHELLENBARGER

[WaveThatFlag]

A few times in my 12 years writing this column, I've stumbled on a topic so unsettling to readers that it demanded a follow-up. Last month was one of those times, when my story on the problems of dual-income, no-sex marriages drew a torrent of e-mail that read as if I'd jabbed an open wound.

[nopardons]

Okay, okay, I haven't been here in two days and you ping me to THIS ?

ROTFLMSO

First of all, Reese is utterly incorrect about "cavemen ". They had absolutely NO idea, none whatsoever, that sexual congress resulted in the impregnation of a female. It wasn't until millenia later, that sprem was discovered. Back up a millenia, or so, and one finds that the ancient Greeks and Egyptians had finally figured out that it takes a male & a female, engaged in the act of sexual congress to make a baby. The ancient Egyptians had some pretty wild methods of birth control, BTW; from pessiaries made with crocodile dung and a few other ingredients, to pieces of sponge dipped in vinegar. LOL

Now, as for the last bit, the poster hasn't a clue. My IQ is most probably higher, my degrees more, and yes indeed, I am a mother of an extremely intelligent, beautiful daughter, who is likewise exceedingly intelligent, well educated, a professional, who wants to start a family...with her husband. Lucky me; I get to be a grandmother of brilliant, beauty. :-)

[TruthNtegrity]

But there is a cure for women with a low sex drive.

It's been discovered that women can be helped by a small dose of testosterone. Not that I've seen the programs, but someone told me that Oprah has had programs on this subject - and it can be used topically or by taking a pill. Women who were not content with their low sex drive and other problems I won't go into here, found that the testosterone was the answer.

The same hormone that has guys always wanting it, can be used by women to help them want it too. Ain't that great?

[wardaddy]

I think too many women use sex, or the promise of sex, to hook a man. After the "I do's", they're finished.

There is some truth to that....sort of like men get a bit less amenable once they land the fish as well. Pitfalls for both sexes to avoid.

[wardaddy]

I knew you'd enjoy the ludicrous notion that the smartest women are not procreating...geez...where do people find this stuff.

[I'm ALL Right!]

LOL! Well, it might not be official "foreplay", but it does allow me to be less exhausted when three kids finally go to bed, the dishes are done, the toys put away....

[wardaddy]

Bump....but men and women "express" differently. Women like to be heard. Men want to talk about resolution.

Sometimes these communications tend to diverge and I confess I have yet to fully grasp how to compensate for that in my 45 years....nearly 2/3rds of which has been in adult relationships with your gender.

[nopardons]

The same place, where they " get " the idea that " cavemen " knew that sexual congress was the means of human procreation ? LOL

[Squantos]

Oh yeah ....droooling ! I have just ordered the new 5.5 inch bbl Stainless Old Army. Keep me posted as to the R&D goodies and accessories.

Stay Safe !

[wardaddy]

Self obsessed women (and their husbands) are more of a reason for no children (baring biological issues) than is intelligence.....at least amongst relatively normal married folks.

I think any stats on this are skewed by including unmarried teen moms.

[wardaddy]

I think cavemen just knew what they wanted...lol.
I doubt they gave much thought to the outcome.

The women wanted food and protection and to ensure their status in the tribe and not to be beaten for refusal.

I think that poster has read too many Handmaiden's Tales...lol

[cmotormac44]

You are right about the many things that can hurt a marriage, but, all can be overcome if both parties will give it an honest shot--I can't be of much help to you young folks as I have been married for 53 years (to the same woman) and we find that our sex life today is deeper and infinitely better than when we were younger--raising 8 kids, working to pay the bills (me only, she was home taking care of the little ones),thinking we knew all about everything (as most young folks do), kept us from really having the time and understanding about each other---after the kids all married and left home we had a sortout period and I learned what a wonderful wife I had chosen (or did she choose me?) and just how much she had done and how hard she had worked being a housewife (term looked down on by many women today)over the years--now that we have 25 grands and greats and they all love and lookup to Grandma the trip has been so very much 'worthwhile'---just hang on and think of the reasons you both came together and married and you will find out "the best is yet to come"---May God Bless all families in these trying days

[wardaddy]

They have the drop-in 45LC cylinder for it....no papers...ssshhh!!!

[Syncro]

Good motives in your case. Keep it up.

Key word was "may"

Good job, family togetherness is essential to a good relationship.


Keep up the good work.

[nopardons]

Maybe " CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR " ? LOL

[wardaddy]

Congrats and G-d bless.

I'm doing ok...in fact really well with wife #2. I hope my future bodes as well as yours.

My folks were active till my dad died in his 60s.

His grandpa had children in his 70s...his several poor young wives died in childbirth sadly. He had 4 wives and 23 children.

[wardaddy]

Or Quest for Fire where the more civilzed cavewoman Rae Dawn Chong enlightens her caveman mate about being "sweet"...lol

Same French director that did that Bear movie.

[wardaddy]

Man...if I did that...I'd be digging and filling holes like Cool Hand Luke for months..

yes dear....snort....grovel...grovel.

[wardaddy]

I do all that stuff because I know I should...not for carnal reward.

Now if I come home with a little blue Tiffany box...well...that's different...lol

[wardaddy]

You need counseling....both of you.

If that does not work then you have to really review your options.

Divorce...costly and horrible on children at home.

Wait till they leave home and protect your assets in the meantime without being a punitive ogre. Be reasonable...you are still going to be responsible to keep her lifestyle fairly up to par. Make plans.

Ouch...this is tuff....I could see being discreet ...very discreet during your wait. Hard call. If she has completely cut you off from intimacy.

It's a minefield...good luck, BE SMART!