Posted on 05/13/2003 2:24:34 PM PDT by Diddle E. Squat
Dateline San Diego, California
Members of the National Football League's Oakland Raiders held a press conference this afternoon to explain why they fled the Superbowl yesterday. Outside of the Holiday Inn in Tijuana, Mexico, players and coaches contended that they were left with no other option when it appeared that instant replay officials would rule against them. Many repeatedly noted how the current NFL rules were specifically discrinatory against the Raiders. Speaker after speaker railed against Tampa Bay coach John Gruden, accusing him of strong-arming the referees to allow intimidation, cheap shots, and unruly Buccaneer fans in costumes to harass them. Oakland kicker Sebastian Janikowski reflected the team's mood when he tearfully declared, "We ran away because nobody messes with the Oakland Raiders. Chuckie Gruden, don't play unfair."
Trailing 34-9 with 1:07 left in the 3rd quarter, Oakland had appeared to score a touchdown after Bill Romanowski ran off the bench to force a fumble on a punt return, which the Raiders recovered and returned. However Tampa Bay challenged on the basis of a 12th man entering the field was illegal. While the replay appeared to show Romanowski running in from the sidelines, some experts cautioned that it could have been digitally altered in real-time by members of the Vast-Buccaneer-Conspiracy.
As the referee was returning from the replay monitor, members of the Raiders quickly sprinted for the exits and boarded team buses for Tijuana. Stunned NFL executives huddled to discuss alternatives, not wanting to immediately declare a forfeit and risk the loss of ad revenue from a premature end. Within minutes of the interruption, lawyers for the Raiders filed a motion with the New Jersey Supreme Court to prevent the declaration of a forfeit. The court quickly granted the motion, dismissing criticisms of lack of jurisdiction and how they could have met before the swift ruling.
Reaction throughout the nation was swift and angry. US House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi released a statement in support of "The courageous Raiders who fled to highlight the inherit injustice and bias of the NFL's Superbowl." Fellow Congressman Zoe Lofgren, "The brave team ran away to support the children, elderly, women, minorities, and disabled of California. These referees are clearly tools of Jeb Bush." US Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle added, "I am deeply saddened that the NFL would allow such unfair and discriminatory rules. That the team would be forced to take such heroic actions speaks volumes." Senator Barbara Boxer spoke out against the institutional bias of the home run rule, while Senator Diane Feinstein announced that she would quickly seek an investigation into whether Halliburton had employed the nephew-in-law of the adopted cousin of Dick Cheney. Asked by reporters to explain why Republicans should not be held responsible, REPUBLICAN US House Majority Whip Tom Delay who some have accused of meanness, ballot-riggin, racism, Nazi-ism, and horse thievery, replied, "The..."
In Tijuana, players and team officials were adament that there would be no return until the NFL agrees to drop the use of instant replay and resume the game tied at 34. As he picked up sweatsuits from a local cleaners, Al Davis stated, "This is about more than us. We are not quitters, we are silent non-participants for fairness. We are just doing what our fans have cheered us to do."
We're missing 58 of them right now. The DPS and the Texas Rangers are under orders to arrest them.
/smirk
Texas Democrats flee to Oklahoma and refuse to come back, leaving House at a standstill
Perfect job description of a RAT. That rendition above is priceless. BWAAHAHAHAHAHA
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.