Families giving up custody of mentally ill kids, GAO says

The Chicago Tribune ^ | April 21, 2003 | Paul Singer

[cherry_bomb88]

I'm really glad I decided to post this article. It helps to know there are other families that have the same struggles & frustrations. And all these frustrations and concerns will be brought up with my rep and help us know what families need.

I hear you on the sleep issue....if it's not "stress", it's making sure my daughter isn't sneaking out, or having a panic attack. Many times because of her depression she just can't sleep herself so she gets up and walks. Not a safe thing for a young girl to be doing in the middle of the night, so I've trained her to wake me. And if she doesn't go to sleep, I stay up with her.

It's easy for people on the outside to look in and say "do this or do that"...sometimes a solution seems "simplistic", but when it's your child, your family...it's not.

[cherry_bomb88]

My rep is TOTALLY awesome. I was lucky I met her through one of my daughter's teachers (who is sooooo awesome herself).

Perhaps part of what the package needs to include is an education of society....unfortunately mental illness still has a "stigma" attached to it. I hate when people call other people "retarded" because they are acting stupid....or they say "she's sycho" because she reacted poorly to a situation or "he must be bipolar" because he went off on someone.....if they TRULY understood all that, they wouldn't use those terms so loosely.

My daughter is in mainstream schools, when she is not in the hospital...however because of the cruelness of children (which I believe comes from their small minded parents) she feels ostracized much of the time which only furthers her depression. Like I said, she's got a large group of friends...ones she can relate to, that have been outcasted for their own reasons. I keep telling her and all her friends, they are better people for who they are. But, as teenagers, it's hard for them to see.

Have we learned nothing from Columbine or the other school shootings???? It's not gun laws we need, it's teaching children to not be so cruel and small minded to their peers!

[cherry_bomb88]

Whatever it is....it needs to be fixed within the family. And I guess that's where we conservatives differ from liberals. Government programs and money isn't going to solve this in and of it self....it is going to take education of society and research, and rather than the gay community wanting to put "My Two Dads" in the classroom, we should be educating children on this.

I would agree on the dad figures.....I don't date any more, I had two boyfriends in the last 7 years since I have been divorced. One is still a great friend and he was a positive influence on my children. The other appeared to be, and thank God his "faults" were not apparent to my children...I decided then and there that I would never bring men through their lives, so I concentrate on them. When they are grown, then I can find a life with a man, maybe. They are my life and my main concerns right now. I have male friends, yes, but they are just that and my daughters love them and they are all positive people. My focus is my family.

[cherry_bomb88]

Thanks....I have no choice but to "hang in there"....I will never give up on my children.

[GovernmentShrinker]

Yes, I agree the right way to fix things is through the families. But unfortunately, where no fixable family exists or could possibly be fixed in the time frame needed to keep the child from causing irreparable harm to siblings and non-family members, I think it's best to turn them over to the state. A second or third generation welfare mother, who started having kids in her teens and has two or three, and still lacks the self-discipline to stay away from drugs and alcohol and to prioritize her children over her dating and partying just isn't going to get fixed before her violent adolescent son joins a gang and channels his aggression and frustration where the leaders tell him to, or rapes his little sister while mom's out partying, etc., etc.

Knowing how widespread this sort of situation is on our society, I just can't get alarmed by the numbers in this report -- it doesn't sound like more kids than the number for whom I'd estimate state custody is appropriate. If they can show that this is often happening with functional families who are really able and wanting to deal with the child themselves, then I'd be alarmed.

[beachn4fun]

you are so right about teaching children NOT to be so cruel. Children seem to be the more cruel ones. I was listening to stories on Montel about how some of these kids had gotten treated with so much cuelty. I've seen it with my own eyes, and I got teased a lot in school. So I know it is a big problem. Is it because parents don't teach their toddlers not to hit, bite, kick or fight with other children? Or is it something that seems that all children go through at a certain age? Most people seem to grow out of it. Or, dah, is it cause as adults "we" move away from those type of people, so we never see whether they grow out of it?

Educating people is always a good thing. But don't expect it to make dramatic changes. Look how long this has existed. Maybe over time (100 years?) it might change things. But, don't forget we are being "told" everyday (by the media in some form - mags, tv, commercials, movies....) that we have to be perfect. "Get breast implants, get liposuction, do away with those wrinkles NOW, what you have no hair, wow... so-n-so does hair-transplants... oh no, you can't be seen with someone over-weight, with no hair...." SEE?

[GovernmentShrinker]

Now if only our laws made it possible to compel schizophrenics to take medication. My half-sister is schizophrenic, but the law insists that she be allowed to exercise her "freedom" to live in a cardboard box under a bush, subsisting on a diet of beer and candy bars, while all her teeth either rot out of her head or are bashed out by small-time thugs.

[oceanperch]

What is worse is our kids are now adults and in are case were not expected to live this long.

There are peds. but the med pro. did not change with technology so there is no medical to follow them as adults. It took us two years to put a team together.

[oceanperch]

Thanks. Together we have made it 24yrs. so I am positive we can hang in there. If for no other reason to be defiant. LOL

[oceanperch]

My son had a group of special freinds back in HS (about 8 yrs ago) these were a grp. of good kids with some learning disabilities. i use to take everyone to church now all these years later the "girls" have come back into our life one actually is a CNA who works for us for respite. I never knew they thought of me as a mom.

They tell me I need to lighten up and I say no "girls" that is how I run my ship. Granted my son is an adult and even though I am his primary careprovider he makes all his own choices. I go along with anything to allow him his right to freedom with two rules 1. It's gotta be legal and 2. It cannot interfere with his healthcare. That works.

[oceanperch]

Lol I stopped the "man" thing too over a decade ago for the same reasons. I know men need special care too and it would not be fair.

Now that I have been on my own this long the LAST thing I would want if ever alone is a man. I do however have an 8 and 11 yr. old Labs. My "boys".

[goldilucky]

Yes, that is true there are those children who are mentally disturbed and some even a menace to society but still, I'd like to know who the psychiatrist are who are doing the evaluations. What those children need is God and love in their lives.

[MEGoody]

"It would seem like there are other options to give up before the child. ie, the second car, big screen TV, etc. Or how about a second job?"

Depending on the severity of the mental illness, what kinds of medications/treatments are needed, whether hospitalization is required, etc., the things you've suggested simply would not cover the costs. I'm sure these cases don't consist of kids who only need counseling a couple times a month.

Having said that, I thought there were a number of options available, e.g. non-profit organizations that will help. Maybe I'm wrong.

[oceanperch]

My son met God at birth. Then again two other times in his life. Literrally.

While here on earth he grew up with the love of God and read the Bible many times and was active in CHurch and study.

He cannot walk,talk or hold his head up. Although he went through school with a b+ avg.

Now I cannot speak for others here but it seems to me one thing all of the kids/adults we are talking about have a physical neuro. disability.

No need of an Exorcist.(sarcasm)

Posting ones spiritual needs goes without saying.

It is kind of you but I think you may just be a bit off target if I am reading you correctly.

It is the hope and faith in Jesus Christ foremost that gets us through each day.

BTW I asked my son what Christ said to him if anything the 2nd and 3rd time he passed on.
The first time he said "the pineapple pizza and red wine is not ready yet" the third time he said 'your mom is crazy" I guess God doesn't mince words LOL.

[oceanperch]

"The first"
should read "the second"

[oceanperch]

I betcha read Texe Marrs.

[verity]

Those children are very special, and they should not be discarded at will.

Tragic as this subject may be, I fail to comprehend why these children are considered "very special". "Very special" conotes something positive and desirable. Euphemisms cannot change the consequences.

[Radix]

When I was a child I was very ill for a time.

Later,when I was healthy again, I was treated as if I were disabled. I was privilaged to be a part of a program that was designed to cater to handicapped children.

I was not handicapped, unless you consider being poor a handicap.

I spent many hours in my youth with truly handicapped children, and not a few of them were Downes Syndrome victims.

They are not euphemisms.

You might as well have called a viable fetus "fetal tissue."

I do not know where you are coming from, but I do know that you project an air of cynicism and great coldness in that one simple post that just caught my attention.

Those children are not euphemisms.

They are indeed very special.

Pardon me for using politically correct speech.