With the Iraq War, a New Generation of Gold Star Mothers

Newhouse News Service ^ | 4/14/03 | Delia M. Rios

[Incorrigible]

Dorothy Oxendine presides over American Gold Star Mothers Inc., a national organization of women whose sons and daughters have died in military service to the nation. (Photo by Mark Abraham)

AMERICAN IDENTITY With the Iraq War, a New Generation of Gold Star Mothers BY DELIA M. RIOS More stories by Delia M. Rios

WASHINGTON -- As Dorothy Oxendine knows, the most dreaded words a parent can hear are "We regret to inform you ..."

She lost her only son, Pfc. Willie F. Oxendine III, to a land mine in Vietnam on May 30, 1968. His death at age 21 made her a Gold Star Mother -- an honorific no woman wants, and one that, with the war in Iraq, takes on a new generation of meaning.

The idea, dating to World War I, is that a gold star -- rather than the traditional black mourning -- should signify a son or daughter who has died in military service to the nation, honoring the fallen for giving "the last full measure of devotion."

There was a time when the blue and gold star banners displayed in the windows of homes across the country needed no explanation. Each blue star, representing one service member, was an emblem of pride and hopeful expectations of a joyful homecoming.

Now, with tens of thousands of U.S. troops deployed in the Persian Gulf region and new tallies of war dead, the American Gold Star Mothers' aging and dwindling membership is gaining new -- but not welcome -- strength.

"There's a lot of knocks on the door right now," said Peter Allegretta, vice chair of New York's Putnam County Joint Veterans Council.

Every year since 1936, the president, at the direction of Congress, has proclaimed the last Sunday in September as Gold Star Mother's Day. President Bush signed his first proclamation 17 days after the terrorist attacks on New York and the Pentagon, and his second as the country braced for possible war with Iraq. Already, the Gold Star Mother roster reflected losses in World War I, World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, Beirut, Grenada, Panama, the Persian Gulf, Somalia and Bosnia.

But the symbolism of the blue and gold stars -- so familiar during the two world wars -- has faded. As many as 22,000 women belonged to the American Gold Star Mothers, the national organization of which Oxendine is president, when World War II ended in 1945.

An era has quietly passed along with women like Winifred F. Lancy, who died at 102 in Plantation, Fla., the November after the terrorist attacks. She was believed to have been the oldest active Gold Star Mother. Her son, Norman, 19, was shot down over Germany on Aug. 4, 1944, two months after D-Day.

Lancy had the consolation, as her grandson Robert Quinn put it, of knowing that her son perished in a good cause. At the site dedication for the World War II Memorial under construction in Washington -- where a field of gold stars will represent those who died -- she was seated next to President Bill Clinton and actor Tom Hanks, who starred in Steven Spielberg's World War II film "Saving Private Ryan."

But the pain never subsided. "She couldn't think of this or speak of this without being brought to tears," Quinn said.

Now that American men and women are again in harm's way, the House of Representatives wants to revive the blue and gold star tradition. On Tuesday, voting 418-0, it passed a resolution authored by Rep. John Shadegg, R-Ariz., to encourage their display.

From the floor, Shadegg invoked what has become a contemporary image of the Gold Star Mother -- Spielberg's fictional Mrs. Ryan. She is also the model for a bronze statue commissioned by the Putnam County veterans for a park in Carmel, N.Y., which has the blessing of the national Gold Star Mothers.

The scene is 1944 on a rural American porch. Mrs. Ryan, the mother of four servicemen, crumples under the weight of sudden grief at the sight of the military officer and chaplain who have arrived with the news that three of her boys are dead, killed in action overseas.

Four blue service stars, one for each son, hang in the kitchen window.

The movie required an extraordinary loss to support the plot line, but it was not without precedent. The five Sullivan brothers were aboard the USS Juneau when it sank during the Battle of Guadalcanal -- even in her grief, their mother endorsed naming a destroyer "The Sullivans."

"Such acts of fate and fortitude in the face of tragedy convince me of the indomitable spirit and will of our people," President Franklin D. Roosevelt wrote her.

The September after the Persian Gulf War in 1991, the first President Bush said in his proclamation that the Gold Star Mothers "shared in the sacrifices of their children, and they deserve a commensurate portion of our respect and thanks."

The first time Oxendine remembers hearing the term Gold Star Mother, she was a child listening to her family's player piano. She can recite the words to the 1926 song even now, at nearly 77 -- "I saw Gold Star Mothers, sisters and brothers/What a sacrifice they made/I saw one-legged pals coming home to their gals/In my dream of the Big Parade."

It was President Woodrow Wilson who endorsed the idea in 1918 that American women wear "a gilt star" on black armbands to symbolize family members killed in the first world war. At news of a death, a gold star was superimposed over the blue service star hung in the home -- and the term Gold Star Mother took hold.

The national organization was founded in 1928 by one of those mothers, Grace Darling Seibold, whose son, George, volunteered when America entered the war in 1917. His effects were forwarded to her on Christmas Eve 1918 with no word of his fate.

She volunteered in the hospitals hoping she might find him among the returning wounded. But finally word came that he'd been killed in aerial combat over France. From her example came the Gold Star Mothers' devotion to serving veterans, particularly those in hospitals.

In 1942, Oxendine was in high school and all too aware of the empty desks of classmates who had gone off to fight in Europe and the Pacific.

By May 30, 1968, she was 41 and her son, Willie, a Marine, was on a reconnaissance patrol near Da Nang. He was killed when the man in the lead stepped on a land mine. Oxendine was alone at her Long Island home when they came to tell her the news -- on June 6, 1968, the day, she will tell you, that Robert F. Kennedy was assassinated.

"I didn't even cry," she remembers. "I just backed up and backed up into the house, and I just sat down. The officers were standing at attention.

"I can hear them right now."

When Emogene Cupp of Alexandria, Va., joined the Gold Star Mothers national organization at 48, she was one of the young ones.

Cupp became the second Vietnam mother to serve as national president. Her son, U.S. Army Cpl. Robert William Cupp of the 196th Light Infantry Brigade, was buried on his 21st birthday -- June 17, 1968.

By 1995, when Judith Young became active in her New Jersey chapter, she was the youngest -- the old guard was by then made up of Vietnam mothers. They still comprise the largest number of members.

"I guess the next generation is more or less the terrorist type casualties," said Young, whose son, Sgt. Jeffrey D. Young, was killed in the Beirut bombing of the Marine barracks on Oct. 23, 1983. He was 22.

As the war in Iraq continues, the Gold Star Mothers can only keep watch, kept company by the memories of their own losses.

"I pray that the war will be over soon," said Oxendine. "And that we won't have too many blue stars turn to gold."

(For information on ordering blue and gold star banners, see the American Legion Web site at www.legion.org; the American Gold Star Mothers Web site is at www.goldstarmoms.com.)
 

Not for commercial use.  For educational and discussion purposes only.

[Incorrigible]

Thu Apr 24, 2:13 PM ET Wife Akiko White and daughter Courtney stand with other family and friends during the funeral of Navy pilot Lt. Nathan White, 30, of Abeline, Texas, at Arlington National Cemetery April 24, 2003. At far left is White's brother, Sgt. Josh White (R), who holds Nathan's sleeping son Zachary. Nathan White was shot down by a patriot missile in a 'friendly fire' incident on April 2, 2003 during operations in Iraq (news - web sites). REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

Thu Apr 24, 1:51 PM ET Wife Akiko White holds the folded flag as daughter Courtney wipes tears during the funeral of Navy pilot Lt. Nathan White, 30, of Abeline, Texas, at Arlington National Cemetery, April 24, 2003. In addition, his wife and daughter, White leaves behind son Austin (seated) and Zachary (sleeping), being held by White's brother, Sgt. Josh White (R). Nathan White was shot down by a patriot missile on April 2, 2003 during operations in Iraq (news - web sites). REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

[Incorrigible]

Thu Apr 24, 2:13 PM ET

Sally Davenport is handed a folded flag during the funeral of her son Edward Korn, at Arlington National Cemetery April 24, 2003. Army Capt. Edward Korn, 31, of Savannah, Georgia, was killed during operations in the war in Iraq (news - web sites). Pictured at center is Korn's, father George Korn. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

[Incorrigible]

Thu Apr 24, 8:14 PM ET Final tribute is paid to Army Capt. James Adamouski, of Springfield, Va., during a funeral ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery Thursday, April 24, 2003, in Arlington, Va. Adamouski died following the crash of his Black Hawk helicopter in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photos/Lisa Nipp)

Thu Apr 24, 6:20 PM ET Meighan Adamouski, wife of Army Captain James Adamouski, receives a folded flag from Lt. Gen. Richard Cody, during a funeral service for Adamouski at Arlington National Cemetery, April 24, 2003. Adamouski, 29, from Springfield, Virginia, was killed when his Black Hawk helicopter crashed in central Iraq (news - web sites). REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

[Incorrigible]

Fri Apr 25, 5:41 PM ET Three-year-old Danielle Harris, in blue dress at right, cousin of Air Force Staff Sgt. Scott D. Sather, continues to cover her ears after the firing party fired three volleys of seven during Sather's funeral at Arlington National Cemetery outside of Washington Friday, April 25, 2003. Sather, from Clio, Michigan,was a combat controller with the 24th Special Tactics Squadron at Pope Air Force Base and the Air Force's first combat casualty when he was killed in action in Iraq (news - web sites) April 8. Others unidentified.(AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Fri Apr 25, 5:40 PM ET Air Force Lt. Gen Paul V. Hester, left, presents the flag to Melanie Sather, right, wife of Air Force Staff Sgt. Scott D. Sather, from Clio, Michigan, during his funeral at Arlington National Cemetery outside of Washington Friday, April 25, 2003. Sather, a combat controller with the 24th Special Tactics Squadron at Pope Air Force Base in North Carolina, was the Air Force's first combat casualty when he was killed in action in Iraq (news - web sites) April 8. Woman at far right is Karin Craft, Staff Sgt. Sather's mother. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

[always vigilant]

I have to agree with you. So sad

[Incorrigible]

Mon Apr 28, 3:45 PM ET Buddhist Monks escort a Marine honor guard carrying the casket of Marine Cpl. Kemaphoom Chanawongse, of Waterford, Conn., during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. Monday, April 28, 2003. Chanawongse was killed on March 23 during operations on the outskirts of Nasiriyah, Iraq (news - web sites). For the first time in memory, a Buddhist monk is presiding over an Arlington National Cemetery burial ceremony (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

Mon Apr 28, 3:42 PM ET Buddhist monks look on as Anutarapon Patchem, mother of Marine Cpl. Kemaphoom Chanawongse, of Waterford, Conn., pauses over the casket during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. Monday, April 28, 2003. Chanawongse was killed on March 23 during operations on the outskirts of Nasiriyah, Iraq (news - web sites). For the first time in memory, a Buddhist monk is presiding over an Arlington National Cemetery burial ceremony. (AP Photo/Susan Walsh)

[Incorrigible]

Tue Apr 29, 8:04 PM ET U.S. Marines carry the casket of Marine Cpl. Armando Ariel Gonzalez, 25, of Hialeah, Fla., during funeral services Tuesday, April 29, 2003, in Hialeah. Gonzalez was killed when a refueling truck collapsed on him in Iraq (news - web sites) earlier this month. (AP Photo/Lee Suarez, Ho)

Tue Apr 29, 7:34 PM ET An unidenified U.S. Marine, left, plays 'Taps' as mourners listen and pray during the funeral of U.S. Marine Cpl. Armando Ariel Gonzalez, 25, of Hialeah, Fla., Tuesday, April 29, 2003 in Hialeah. Gonzalez was killed when a refueling truck collapsed on him in Iraq (news - web sites) earlier this month. Gonzalez, 25, made Hialeah his home after he fled his native Cuba for the United States in 1995. (AP Photo/Alan Diaz)

[Incorrigible]

Jersey family watched a quiet boy grow [Cpl. Michael E. Curtin]
 

[Incorrigible]

Sat May 3, 4:43 PM ET Cadets hold up their swords as pallbearers carry the casket bearing the body of Air Force Capt. Eric Bruce Das down the steps of the cadet chapel after a funeral service for the fallen pilot on Saturday, May 3, 2003, at Air Force Academy, Colo. Das was killed while flying a mission over northern Iraq (news - web sites) on April 7. (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

Sat May 3, 4:58 PM ET Pallbearers walk the casket bearing the body of Air Force Capt. Eric Das down the center aisle of the cadet chapel for a funeral service for the fallen pilot Saturday, May 3, 2003, at Air Force Academy, Colo. Das, who was a graduate of the academy, was killed on April 7 while flying a mission over northern Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/David Zalubowski)

[Incorrigible]

Sun Apr 27, 5:32 PM ET

Tan Patchem, the mother of Marine Cpl. Kemaphoom Chanawongse, is presented a Gold Star Banner by a member of the U.S. Marine Corps after a memorial service for Chanawongse in Waterford, Conn., Sunday, April 27, 2003. Cpl. Chanawongse was killed in battle last month in Iraq (news - web sites). The Gold Star Banner is presented to those who have had family members killed in action. (AP Photo)

[Incorrigible]

Mon May 5, 5:01 PM ET Pallbearers carry the flag drapped casket of Army Sgt. Troy Jenkins, after the funeral service in Yucca Valley, Calif., Monday, May 5, 2003. Jenkins, killed by an explosive taken from an Iraqi girl in Baghdad, was eulogized today as a hero, a family man and ``country boy'' during the simple funeral in Yucca Valley. (AP Photo/Nick Ut)

Mon May 5, 4:58 PM ET Connie Gibson, mother of Army Sgt. Troy Jenkins, holds a picture of her son at a funeral service in Yucca Valley, Calif., Monday, May 5, 2003. Jenkins, killed by an explosive taken from an Iraqi girl in Baghdad was eulogized Monday, as a hero, a family man and ``country boy'' during a simple funeral in Yucca Valley. (AP Photo/Nick Ut)

[Incorrigible]

Fri Apr 25, 3:48 PM ET The coffin of Staff Sergeant Simon Cullingworth, 36, is carried from an Royal Air Force plane at Brize Norton near Oxford, England, Friday April 25, 2003, by members of 33 Engineer Regiment, Royal Engineers. The remains of Cullingworth and Sapper Luke Allsopp, 24, were found in a shallow grave near Al Zubayr, near Basra in southern Iraq (news - web sites), where their vehicle was ambushed and the men may have been executed by Iraqi forces after they went missing on March 23. (AP Photo/Mathhew Fearn/MoD pool)	Tue May 6,11:01 AM ET Colleagues pay their respects after the funeral service of Staff Sergeant Simon Cullingworth, of 33 Engineer Regiment, at All Saints Church, in Wimbish, Essex, May 6, 2003. More than 250 people, including relatives, friends and army colleagues attended the service on Tuesday. Cullingworth, 36, and another bomb disposal officer, Sapper Luke Allsopp, 24, of Dagenham, east London, went missing on March 23 after their Land Rover, which was traveling in a convoy, was ambushed during the Iraq (news - web sites) conflict. REUTERS/Gareth Fuller/POOL
Fri Apr 25,11:13 AM ET The coffin of 24-year-old British Sapper Luke Allsopp is carried from an RAF (Royal Air Force) Hercules aircraft by members of 33 Engineer Regiment of the Royal Engineers at RAF Brize Norton near Oxford April 25, 2003. The remains of Allsopp and Staff Sergeant Cullingworth, 36, were found in a shallow grave near the town of Al Zubayr, outside the city of Basra in southern Iraq (news - web sites). It is feared their Land Rover was ambushed and they were shot in cold blood after they went missing on March 23. REUTERS/Matthew Fearn/POOL	Fri Apr 25, 3:49 PM ET The coffin of Sapper Luke Allsopp, 24, is carried from an Royal Air Force plane at Brize Norton near Oxford, England, Friday April 25, 2003, by members of 33 Engineer Regiment, Royal Engineers. The remains of Sapper Allsopp and Staff Sgt, Cullingworth were found in a shallow grave near Al Zubayr, near Basra in southern Iraq (news - web sites), where their vehicle was ambushed and the men may have been executed by Iraqi forces after they went missing on March 23.(AP Photo/Mathhew Fearn/MoD pool)

[Incorrigible]

Mon May 12, 5:40 PM ET A U.S. Army Honor Guard carries the cremated remains of Army Chief Warrant Officer Eric A. Smith at his funeral at Arlington National Cemetary in Arlington, Va. Monday, May 12, 2003. In the background are relatives and mourners. Eric was aboard a Black Hawk helicopter which crashed in Iraq (news - web sites) on April 2. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

Mon May 12, 5:17 PM ET Mark Smith, brother of Army Chief Warrant Officer Eric A. Smith, kisses the flag presented to his family at Eric's funeral at Arlington National Cemetary in Arlington, Va. Monday, May 12, 2003. Behind Mark are his and Eric's parents, Dr. Theodore Smith and Lillian Lake. Eric A. Smith was killed in the war in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

[Incorrigible]

Thu May 15,12:09 PM ET Denise Marshall, widow of Army Sgt. 1st Class John W. Marshall of Los Angeles, center, red shirt, and family members watch as a military honor guard carries the casket of Marshall during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. Thursday, May 15, 2003. Marshall was killed during the war in Iraq (news - web sites) on April 8. At 50, Marshall is the oldest American military casualty of the conflict in Iraq. (AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)

Thu May 15,12:16 PM ET Denise Marshall, widow of Army Sgt. 1st Class John W. Marshall of Los Angeles, center, red shirt, receives the American flag that draped the casket of her husband from Gen. Larry Ellis during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. Thursday, May 15, 2003. Marshall was killed on April 8 during the war in Iraq (news - web sites). At left is one of Marshall's six children.(AP Photo/Ron Edmonds)

[Incorrigible]

Memorial Day bump.

[Incorrigible]

Wed Jun 18, 4:54 PM ET Vilma Baragona (2nd R) wipes a tears alongside her husband Dominic Sr., (3rd R) as they attend the military funeral of their son, U.S. Lt Col. Dominic Baragona, at Arlington National Cemetery, June 18, 2003. Battalion Commander Baragona, 42, who was stationed in Fort Sill, Oklahoma, died in a road accident in Iraq (news - web sites). REUTERS/Jason Reed

Wed Jun 18, 4:46 PM ET The parents of U.S. Lt Col. Dominic Baragona, Vilma (R) and Dominic Sr., receive the folded U.S. flag that draped their son's coffin, from Brigadier General Richard P. Formica, at a military funeral in Arlington Cemetery, June 18, 2003. Battalion Commander Baragona, 42, who was stationed in Fort Sill, Oklahoma, died in a road accident in Iraq (news - web sites). REUTERS/Jason Reed

[Incorrigible]

Fri Jun 20, 4:55 PM ET Honor Guard bugler Sgt. lst Class Michael Cano walks through rows of headstones after playing taps at the funeral of Pvt. David Evans, Jr., 18, of Buffalo, N.Y., at Arlington National Cemetery outside Washington Friday, June 20, 2003. Evans, assigned to the 977th Military Police Company, was killed May 25 in Diwaniyah, Iraq (news - web sites), in an explosion at a facility which contained Iraqi ammunition. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

Fri Jun 20, 4:57 PM ET Esther Macklin, mother of Pvt. David Evans, Jr., 18, of Buffalo, N.Y., is overcome with emotion at his funeral at Arlington National Cemetery outside of Washington Friday, June 20, 2003. Evans, assigned to the 977th Military Police Company, was killed May 25 in Diwaniyah, Iraq (news - web sites), in an explosion at a facility which contained Iraqi ammunition. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

[Incorrigible]

(Steve Klaver/The Star-Ledger) Tom Coffin, brother of Branchburg soldier Christopher Coffin who was slain in Iraq, with his mother, McKenzie, watches the casket of his brother being driven away. Read the story

(Steve Klaver/The Star-Ledger) Betsy Coffin (left) wife of Brachburg soldier Christopher Coffin who was slain in Iraq, receives the flag that draped her husband's casket from Major General Herbert L. Altshuler of the US Army. Read the story

[Incorrigible]

Bump

[Incorrigible]

Tue Dec 2, 2:01 PM ET
The coffins of seven members of Spain's military intelligence agency killed in an ambush in Iraq (news - web sites) are seen during a funeral service in Madrid(AFP/Manuel de Leon)

 

Tue Dec 2, 2:01 PM ET
Spain's King Juan Carlos places an official Cross of the Order of Civil Merit on one of the coffins of the seven members of Spain's military intelligence agency killed in an ambush in Iraq (news - web sites) during a funeral service in Madrid(AFP/POOL/Manuel de Leon)