With the Iraq War, a New Generation of Gold Star Mothers

Newhouse News Service ^ | 4/14/03 | Delia M. Rios

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Dorothy Oxendine presides over American Gold Star Mothers Inc., a national organization of women whose sons and daughters have died in military service to the nation. (Photo by Mark Abraham)

AMERICAN IDENTITY With the Iraq War, a New Generation of Gold Star Mothers BY DELIA M. RIOS More stories by Delia M. Rios

WASHINGTON -- As Dorothy Oxendine knows, the most dreaded words a parent can hear are "We regret to inform you ..."

She lost her only son, Pfc. Willie F. Oxendine III, to a land mine in Vietnam on May 30, 1968. His death at age 21 made her a Gold Star Mother -- an honorific no woman wants, and one that, with the war in Iraq, takes on a new generation of meaning.

The idea, dating to World War I, is that a gold star -- rather than the traditional black mourning -- should signify a son or daughter who has died in military service to the nation, honoring the fallen for giving "the last full measure of devotion."

There was a time when the blue and gold star banners displayed in the windows of homes across the country needed no explanation. Each blue star, representing one service member, was an emblem of pride and hopeful expectations of a joyful homecoming.

Now, with tens of thousands of U.S. troops deployed in the Persian Gulf region and new tallies of war dead, the American Gold Star Mothers' aging and dwindling membership is gaining new -- but not welcome -- strength.

"There's a lot of knocks on the door right now," said Peter Allegretta, vice chair of New York's Putnam County Joint Veterans Council.

Every year since 1936, the president, at the direction of Congress, has proclaimed the last Sunday in September as Gold Star Mother's Day. President Bush signed his first proclamation 17 days after the terrorist attacks on New York and the Pentagon, and his second as the country braced for possible war with Iraq. Already, the Gold Star Mother roster reflected losses in World War I, World War II, the Korean War, the Vietnam War, Beirut, Grenada, Panama, the Persian Gulf, Somalia and Bosnia.

But the symbolism of the blue and gold stars -- so familiar during the two world wars -- has faded. As many as 22,000 women belonged to the American Gold Star Mothers, the national organization of which Oxendine is president, when World War II ended in 1945.

An era has quietly passed along with women like Winifred F. Lancy, who died at 102 in Plantation, Fla., the November after the terrorist attacks. She was believed to have been the oldest active Gold Star Mother. Her son, Norman, 19, was shot down over Germany on Aug. 4, 1944, two months after D-Day.

Lancy had the consolation, as her grandson Robert Quinn put it, of knowing that her son perished in a good cause. At the site dedication for the World War II Memorial under construction in Washington -- where a field of gold stars will represent those who died -- she was seated next to President Bill Clinton and actor Tom Hanks, who starred in Steven Spielberg's World War II film "Saving Private Ryan."

But the pain never subsided. "She couldn't think of this or speak of this without being brought to tears," Quinn said.

Now that American men and women are again in harm's way, the House of Representatives wants to revive the blue and gold star tradition. On Tuesday, voting 418-0, it passed a resolution authored by Rep. John Shadegg, R-Ariz., to encourage their display.

From the floor, Shadegg invoked what has become a contemporary image of the Gold Star Mother -- Spielberg's fictional Mrs. Ryan. She is also the model for a bronze statue commissioned by the Putnam County veterans for a park in Carmel, N.Y., which has the blessing of the national Gold Star Mothers.

The scene is 1944 on a rural American porch. Mrs. Ryan, the mother of four servicemen, crumples under the weight of sudden grief at the sight of the military officer and chaplain who have arrived with the news that three of her boys are dead, killed in action overseas.

Four blue service stars, one for each son, hang in the kitchen window.

The movie required an extraordinary loss to support the plot line, but it was not without precedent. The five Sullivan brothers were aboard the USS Juneau when it sank during the Battle of Guadalcanal -- even in her grief, their mother endorsed naming a destroyer "The Sullivans."

"Such acts of fate and fortitude in the face of tragedy convince me of the indomitable spirit and will of our people," President Franklin D. Roosevelt wrote her.

The September after the Persian Gulf War in 1991, the first President Bush said in his proclamation that the Gold Star Mothers "shared in the sacrifices of their children, and they deserve a commensurate portion of our respect and thanks."

The first time Oxendine remembers hearing the term Gold Star Mother, she was a child listening to her family's player piano. She can recite the words to the 1926 song even now, at nearly 77 -- "I saw Gold Star Mothers, sisters and brothers/What a sacrifice they made/I saw one-legged pals coming home to their gals/In my dream of the Big Parade."

It was President Woodrow Wilson who endorsed the idea in 1918 that American women wear "a gilt star" on black armbands to symbolize family members killed in the first world war. At news of a death, a gold star was superimposed over the blue service star hung in the home -- and the term Gold Star Mother took hold.

The national organization was founded in 1928 by one of those mothers, Grace Darling Seibold, whose son, George, volunteered when America entered the war in 1917. His effects were forwarded to her on Christmas Eve 1918 with no word of his fate.

She volunteered in the hospitals hoping she might find him among the returning wounded. But finally word came that he'd been killed in aerial combat over France. From her example came the Gold Star Mothers' devotion to serving veterans, particularly those in hospitals.

In 1942, Oxendine was in high school and all too aware of the empty desks of classmates who had gone off to fight in Europe and the Pacific.

By May 30, 1968, she was 41 and her son, Willie, a Marine, was on a reconnaissance patrol near Da Nang. He was killed when the man in the lead stepped on a land mine. Oxendine was alone at her Long Island home when they came to tell her the news -- on June 6, 1968, the day, she will tell you, that Robert F. Kennedy was assassinated.

"I didn't even cry," she remembers. "I just backed up and backed up into the house, and I just sat down. The officers were standing at attention.

"I can hear them right now."

When Emogene Cupp of Alexandria, Va., joined the Gold Star Mothers national organization at 48, she was one of the young ones.

Cupp became the second Vietnam mother to serve as national president. Her son, U.S. Army Cpl. Robert William Cupp of the 196th Light Infantry Brigade, was buried on his 21st birthday -- June 17, 1968.

By 1995, when Judith Young became active in her New Jersey chapter, she was the youngest -- the old guard was by then made up of Vietnam mothers. They still comprise the largest number of members.

"I guess the next generation is more or less the terrorist type casualties," said Young, whose son, Sgt. Jeffrey D. Young, was killed in the Beirut bombing of the Marine barracks on Oct. 23, 1983. He was 22.

As the war in Iraq continues, the Gold Star Mothers can only keep watch, kept company by the memories of their own losses.

"I pray that the war will be over soon," said Oxendine. "And that we won't have too many blue stars turn to gold."

(For information on ordering blue and gold star banners, see the American Legion Web site at www.legion.org; the American Gold Star Mothers Web site is at www.goldstarmoms.com.)
 

Not for commercial use.  For educational and discussion purposes only.

[Incorrigible]

It was news to me when I read the article as well. Though my father (nearly 80) is a Navy vet and all my uncles served (all came back too), I did not know the significance of the stars.

I decided I would dedicate this thread to the mothers, who make the second greatest sacrifice for our freedom.

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Thu Apr 17,12:50 PM ET USAF Honor Guards escort the horse-drawn caisson funeral procession of USAF Maj. Gregory L. Stone in Arlington National Cemetery outside of Washington, April 17, 2003. Stone was killed by injuries received in Kuwait after a grenade attack on March 23. REUTERS/Larry Downing

Thu Apr 17,12:36 PM ET Tammie Eslinger, fiance of U.S. Air Force Major Gregory L. Stone, places roses on top of the casket containing his body, after a funeral service at Arlington National Cemetery outside of Washington, April 17, 2003. Stone was killed by injuries received in Kuwait after a grenade attack March 23. REUTERS/Larry Downing

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Thu Apr 17, 4:51 PM ET

Dorothy Halvorsen, second from right, mother of Army helicopter pilot Erik Halvorsen who died in Iraq (news - web sites), is escorted from the 2nd Congregtional Church in Bennington, Vt., by retired Navy Capt. Robert Weeks after her son's funeral, Thursday, April 17, 2003. Halvorsen, a warrant officer, was among six soldiers killed when the helicopter they were on went down near Karbala, Iraq, on April 2. The Army is still investigating the cause of the crash but it occurred in an area where ground forces were involvedin heavy combat.(AP Photo/Jim McKnight)

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Thu Apr 17, 3:54 PM ET A Marine Honor Guard carries the casket of Marine Lance Cpl. Michael J. Williams prior to his funeral Thursday, April 17, 2003 in Phoenix. Williams, 31, a 60mm mortar forward observer with the 2nd Expeditionary Brigade from Camp Lejeune, N.C., was killed near Nasiriyah, Iraq (news - web sites) in March when his unit was ambushed after being lost in a sand storm.(AP Photo/Matt York)

Thu Apr 17, 5:24 PM ET Sandy Watson, left, mother of Marine Lance Cpl. Michael J. Williams, and Williams' fiance, Heather Strange, mourn during a funeral service for Williams at the National Memorial Cemetery in north Phoenix. Williams, 31, died on March 23 while his unit attempted to secure a bridgehead southeast of Nasiriyah. (AP Photo/Cheryl Evans, Pool)

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Fri Apr 18, 1:42 AM ET A photo of U.S. Marine First Sgt. Edward Smith is displayed at the altar as a Marine color guard removes the casket of Smith following funeral services April 17, 2003 at Camp Pendleton, California. Smith died on April 5 in Doha, Qatar, from wounds suffered a daily earlier while battling enemy forces in central Iraq (news - web sites), according to the Defense Department. He was the highest-ranking enlisted Marine to die in the war in Iraq. REUTERS/Lenny Ignelzi/Pool

Fri Apr 18, 1:41 AM ET Sandra Smith, wife of slain U.S. Marine 1st Sgt. Edward C. Smith, wipes her tears as her oldest son, Nathan, 12, rests his head on her shoulder during funeral services April 17, 2003, at Camp Pendleton, California. Smith, a Gulf War (news - web sites) veteran and reserve officer with the Anaheim Police Dept., who hoped to join the police force full-time upon his return from duty in Iraq (news - web sites), died on April 5 from wounds suffered during combat in central Iraq. He was the highest-ranking enlisted Marine to die in the war in Iraq. REUTERS/Lenny Ignelzi/Pool

Fri Apr 18, 1:43 AM ET Shelby Smith, 8, left, and her brother, Nathan, 12, watch as the casket of their father, U.S. Marine 1st Sgt. Edward C. Smith, is brought into the chapel at Camp Pendleton, Calif., for funeral services April 17, 2003. Edward Smith died on April 5 from wounds suffered during combat in central Iraq (news - web sites). He was the highest-ranking enlisted Marine to die in the war in Iraq. REUTERS/Lenny Ignelzi/Pool

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The Curtin family is grateful

Sunday, April 20, 2003

Letter to the editor

The family of Cpl. Michael E. Curtin would like to extend our heartfelt thanks to the entire Howell community and to the many considerate persons and organizations throughout the state and nation who have offered their condolences and support. The outpouring of support, generosity and condolences over the loss of Michael has been overwhelming. Although our family has suffered a tremendous loss, we know that you share in our grief and will continue to hold Michael in your thoughts and prayers.

We would especially like to acknowledge the U.S. Army, Father Brendan Williams and the Church of St. Veronica, Robert McGirr and the Clayton and Son Funeral Home, the Howell and Wall Township Police and Fire departments, Sir Ives Caterers and Pathmark of Howell. There are many other organizations and persons too numerous to mention by name but who also have earned our eternal gratitude and appreciation.

-- Joan and Mike Curtin and Family, Howell

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Sat Apr 19, 8:01 PM ET Tina Cline, background center, widow of Marine Lance Cpl. Donald John Cline, follows her husband's casket as it is carried by Marine pallbearers Saturday, April 19, 2003, during funeral services in Sparks, Nev. Cpl. Cline, 21, was killed in action in Iraq (news - web sites) on March 23. (AP Photo/Debra Reid, Pool)

Sat Apr 19, 7:01 PM ET Tina Cline, right, accepts a U.S. flag during the funeral for her husband, Marine Lance Cpl. Donald John Cline, Saturday, April 19, 2003, during services in Sparks, Nev. Cpl. Cline died in combat in Iraq (news - web sites) on March 23. At left is Tina Cline's stepfather, Steve Sweringen. (AP Photo/Debra Reid, Pool)

Sat Apr 19, 8:29 PM ET Dakota Cline, 2, left, and his cousin, Nash Sauers, 3, practice marching and saluting on stage after the funeral for Cline's father, Marine Lance Cpl. Donald John Cline, Saturday, April 19, 2003, in Sparks, Nev. Cpl. Cline, 21, was killed in action in southern Iraq (news - web sites) on March 23. His widow, Tina Cline, said her husband taught the boy military routines. (AP Photo/Debra Reid, Pool)

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Sat Apr 19, 2:57 PM ET A Marine Honor Guard carries the casket of Sgt. Duane Rios out of St. Mary's Church after a funeral mass, in Griffith, Indiana, April 19, 2003. Rios was killed in battle outside Baghdad on April 4, 2003. REUTERS/Frank Polich

Sat Apr 19, 2:57 PM ET Roberta Rios, mother of Marine Sgt. Duane Rios, looks at a picture of her son while holding a U.S. flag after a funeral ceremony outside St. Mary's Church in Griffith, Indiana, April 19, 2003. Rios was killed in battle outside Baghdad on April 4, 2003. REUTERS/Frank Polich

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Sat Apr 19, 5:32 PM ET Corey L. Stewart, a funeral director from the Westhaven Funeral Home in Jackson, Miss., center, directs an honor guard from Fort Polk, La., as they carry the body of Army Spc. Larry K. Brown, of Jackson, Miss., Saturday, April 19, 2003, following a funeral service in Jackson. Brown, 22, was a member of C Company, 1st Battalion, 41st Infantry Regiment from Fort Riley, Kan. He was killed in Iraq (news - web sites) on April 5. (AP Photo/Rogelio Solis)

Sat Apr 19, 7:05 PM ET Nicholas Brown, younger brother of Army Spc. Larry K. Brown, of Jackson, Miss., takes a private moment Saturday, April 19, 2003, during his brother's funeral service in Jackson, to say goodbye. Brown, 22, was a member of C Company, 1st Battalion, 41st Infantry Regiment from Fort Riley, Kan. He was killed in Iraq (news - web sites), April 5. (AP Photo/Rogelio Solis)

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Mon Apr 21, 2:16 PM ET Marines and soldiers salute as the flag-draped body of Riayan A. Tejeda, a U.S. Marine killed in in Iraq (news - web sites), is placed inside a hearse at the conclusion of a funeral mass for the slain Marine, Monday, April 21, 2003, in the Washington Heights section of New York. (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

Mon Apr 21,12:49 PM ET Relatives surround Rafaella del Carmen Tejeda Lora, the mother of Riayan A. Tejeda, U.S. Marine and a Dominican citizen killed in Iraq (news - web sites), at the conclusion of a funeral mass Monday, April 21, 2003, in the Washington Heights section of New York. From left, Tejeda's father Julio Cesar Tejeda, and above, Tejeda's brother Angel. (AP Photo/Kathy Willens)

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Mon Apr 21, 3:56 PM ET U.S. Army pallbearers carry the casket of Army Staff Sgt. Terry Hemingway for burial at Beverly National Cemetery in Beverly, N.J., Monday, April 21, 2003. Hemingway was awarded the the Purple Heart and the Order of the Purple Heart Distinguished Service Award during his funeral at The Church of the Good Shepherd in Willingboro, N.J. Hemingway was killed April 10, 2003, in an apparent suicide attack in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Brian Branch-Price

Mon Apr 21, 3:43 PM ET Venetia, Terry William and Danisha Hemingway, from left, lay flowers on their father U.S. Army SSgt. Terry Hemingway's casket while their mother Darlene, second from right, watches at Beverly National Cemetery in Beverly, N.J. Monday, April 21, 2003. Hemingway was awarded the Purple Heart and the Order of the Purple Heart Distinguished Service award during his funeral at The Church of the Good Shepherd United Methodist in Willingboro, N.J. Hemingway was killed April 10, 2003, in an apparent suicide attack in Iraq. Barbara Hawk, a family friend stands at right. (AP Photo/Brian Branch-Price

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Mon Apr 21, 5:36 PM ET Family members of Army Pfc. Jason M. Meyer pause at his casket during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. Monday, April 21, 2003. Meyer, 23, of Howell, Mich. was killed April 7 in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Evan Vucci

Mon Apr 21, 5:38 PM ET The parents of Army Pfc. Jason M. Meyer react near the casket of their son at during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. on Monday, April 21, 2003. Meyer was killed April 7 in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

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Tue Apr 22, 1:28 PM ET A Marine honor guard carries the body of Marine Lance Cpl. Andrew Aviles from St. Patrick Catholic church in Tampa, Fla., Tuesday April 22, 2003, after funeral services. Aviles was killed April 7, in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Chris O'Meara)

Tue Apr 22, 1:34 PM ET Friends of Marine Lance Cpl. Andrew Aviles weep at his coffin after funeral services at St. Patrick Catholic church Tuesday, April 22, 2003, in Tampa, Fla. Aviles was killed April 7 in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Chris O'Meara)

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Tue Apr 22, 3:27 PM ET An Army honor guard lowers the casket of Army Capt. Tristan Aitken of State College, Pa. during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. Tuesday, April 22, 2003. Aitken was killed April 4 during an attack in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

Tue Apr 22, 4:01 PM ET Army Brig. Gen. Mark T. Kimmitt, left, presents the United States flag that drapped the casket of Army Capt. Tristan Aitken of State College, Pa. to his widow Maria Forey-Aitken during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. Tuesday, April 22, 2003. Aitken was killed April 4 during an attack in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

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Tue Apr 22, 3:37 PM ET An Air Force honor guard carries the casket of Air Force Staff Sgt. Jason Hicks of Valdosta, Ga. during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. Tuesday, April 22, 2003. Hicks died last month during a helicopter resuce effort in Afghanistan (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

Tue Apr 22, 3:33 PM ET Crystalyn Hicks, widow of Air Force Staff Sgt. Jason Hicks of Valdosta, Ga., center rear, and others place flowers on his casket during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. Tuesday, April 22, 2003. Hicks died last month during a helicopter rescue effort in Afghanistan (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

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Wed Apr 23, 5:06 PM ET U.S. Army Major Richard Crusan, left, holds U.S. flags before handing them to family members while U.S. Army chaplin John Perez, right, salutes at the funeral of U.S. Army Spc. Gil Mercado Roman in Isabela, Puerto Rico on Wednesday, April 23, 2003. Mercado Roman died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/ Tomas van Houtryve)

Tue Apr 22, 7:38 PM ET Graciela Roman, U.S. Army Spc. Gil Mercado's mother, cries over the American flag covered casket of her son durng his funeral in Isabela, Puerto Rico, Tuesday, April 22, 2003. Mercado, 25, died April 13, said Maj. Steve Stover, an Army spokesman at the Pentagon (news - web sites). An investigation is underway to determine whether Mercado committed suicide or died while cleaning a weapon. (AP Photo/Javier Gonzalez)

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Wed Apr 23, 1:15 PM ET The funeral procession of Marine Gunnery Sgt. Jeffrey Bohr is watched by school children holding flags, Wednesday April 23, 2003, in Ossian, Iowa. Bohr died April 10 from two gunshot wounds suffered in a seven-hour battle with pro-Saddam Hussein (news - web sites) forces at the Imam Mosque northwest of Baghdad's city center. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

Wed Apr 23, 2:41 PM ET Lori Bohr, left, stands with her father-in-law Edward Bohr, center, following funeral services for her husband Marine Gunnery Sgt. Jeffrey Bohr, Wednesday, April 23, 2003, in Ossian, Iowa. Bohr died April 10 from two gunshot wounds suffered in a seven-hour battle with pro-Saddam Hussein (news - web sites) forces at the Imam Mosque northwest of Baghdad's city center. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

[The Right Stuff]

That was the saddest thread I think I have ever seen on FR. The anguish of the families is so sad, the children look so bereft.

I think I will print it out and hand it to every antiwar protester I come across.

[Incorrigible]

It started out with the article that I thought was interesting since I was not familiar with the practice of the Gold Star since all the service members I knew have lived into their 70's.  (My father, a Navy vet, talked me out of joining which I have some regret over)

In one of Diogenesis' threads, I posted the picture of the boy leaving the church, covering his eyes to hide the tears.  I thought to add that to the original comment.  In looking for the second photo of the father at the back of the hearse, I realized there were a many photos of "Gold Star Mothers".  I decided to dedicate this thread to them, the wives and children of those killed in action.

It contrasts somewhat with the fantastic photos of the battlefield combat but it's an important reminder of the supreme sacrifices that our fellow citizens are willing to make so that we remain a free country.  I support our troops and hope that we as a country can live up to what these brave men have died for.

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L-Cpl Stephen, 31, of the 1st Battalion Black Watch, was, in the words of those he left behind, the bravest - the only Scottish soldier to die in the Gulf, killed when an Iraqi militia grenade exploded as he returned enemy fire.

The Saltire-draped casket, adorned with the blue bonnet of the Black Watch, lies at rest.

The Scottish Soldier
There was a soldier, a Scottish soldier
Who wandered far away and soldiered far away
There was none bolder, with good broad shoulder
He's fought in many a fray, and fought and won.
He'd seen the glory and told the story
Of battles glorious and deeds neforious
But now he's sighing, his heart is crying
To leave these green hills of Tyrol.

Because these green hills are not highland hills
Or the island hills, the're not my land's hills
And fair as these green foreign hills may be
They are not the hills of home.

And now this soldier, this Scottish soldier
Who wandered far away and soldiered far away
Sees leaves are falling and death is calling
And he will fade away, in that far land.
He called his piper, his trusty piper
And bade him sound a lay... a pibroch sad to play
Upon a hillside, a Scottish hillside
Not on these green hills of Tyrol.

And so this soldier, this Scottish soldier
Will wander far no more and soldier far no more
And on a hillside, a Scottish hillside
You'll see a piper play his soldier home.
He'd seen the glory, he'd told his story
Of battles glorious and deeds victorious
The bugles cease now, he is at peace now
Far from those green hills of Tyrol.