Secret Videotape Shows Lions Eating Christians In Iraq (Humor)

Yahoo News ^ | By VINCENZO SARDI & BARRY DUTTER

[getitright]

WASHINGTON -- U.N. weapons inspectors searching for nuclear weapons have uncovered something they never expected to find: A hidden rock quarry, dubbed "The Arena of Death," where helpless Christian prisoners are fed to hungry lions!

One of the quick-thinking inspectors had his video camera with him when this horrifying spectacle was taking place, and captured the gruesome scene on tape. The inspectors could only stand by helplessly as three men were torn limb from limb by the voracious beasts.

"It was the most frightening thing I've ever seen," says one inspector.

"They must not have fed those lions for weeks beforehand, because they ripped into those Christians like they were wounded antelopes."

The inspectors were too late to save the three men in the lion pits, but they did find one other prisoner in a cell adjacent to the arena -- an American woman, Alice Semple, 32. Semple traveled to Iraq with seven companions as part of a Christian missionary group.

"We came to Iraq on a mission of peace," she told Weekly World News reporters. "We wanted to help the underpriveleged people in Iraq. But Saddam accused us of being spies and threw us into cages."

The prisoners were taken in groups of two or three at a time to the arena and fed to the lions.

"My friends never had a chance," Semple sobs.

"They were totally defenseless, armed with nothing but their faith in Jesus. I could hear their screams from inside my cell."

Semple was freed from Saddam's prison at the insistence of the incensed U.N. inspectors.

"Saddam was reluctant to let her go," one inspector says, "because he feared it would give the U.S. one more reason to invade.

"He finally relented, convinced that no one would believe her story anyway."

But Saddam was unaware of the secret videotape taken by inspectors.

Semple has since been flown back to an undisclosed hospital in the U.S., where she is undergoing treatment to help her cope with the trauma of what she saw.

"They told me I was to be the next victim of the lions," she said. "And they said after I was gone, they'd go out and kidnap more helpless Americans."

A Vatican spokesman says Pope John Paul II is outraged.

"The Pope feels that this time, Saddam Hussein has gone too far," the spokesman says. "He believes some sort of action must be taken."

A U.S. Defense Department official agrees, saying, "This incident shows why we must take Saddam out now. He is a dangerous, sadistic maniac."

For years, Iraqi defectors have told lurid tales about Saddam's private arena, a stadium-size "athletic facility" located just outside Baghdad.

The twisted megalomaniac reportedly fancies himself a latter-day Roman emperor. In addition to his beloved lions, Saddam also also uses tigers, bears, and other exotic imported animals to dispatch political prisoners.

According to the U.N. inspectors who witnessed the carnage from a hidden alcove, Saddam and his generals sat in a booth, munching on cotton candy, and enjoying the 'show.'

The inspectors note that Iraqi officials had tried to steer them clear of the arena. "We came upon it purely by chance," one inspector said.

Iraqi officials deny any knowledge of Saddam's lions.

[merrin]

"We came to Iraq on a mission of peace," she told Weekly World News reporters. "We wanted to help the underpriveleged people in Iraq. But Saddam accused us of being spies and threw us into cages."

[seeker41]

Bret with Fox news reported from the pentagon about 30 minutes ago the the 4 US troops found buried had all been DISMEMBERED! These people are bacteria, they are not even mammals in my book.

[Dog Gone]

Stories from Weekly World News should be tagged as humor, I think.

[jwalburg]

I didn't know Yahoo had an Entertainment News and Gossip section.

[July 4th]

IF true...holy crap!

[GraniteStateConservative]

Is Bat Boy our secret weapon?

[LouisianaJoanof Arc]

Is this for real????????? Come on.

[leadpenny]

The dateline is 20 March. ? ?

[PISANO]

HUMOR?!

[fml]

No, it was in the entertainment section. I didn't find it entertaining, though

[merrin]

More WWN stories:

Bigfoot Captures Sexy Camper For His Love Slave

Fish Has Human Face!

Archaeologist Finds 12,000 Year Old Magazine From Atlantis!

[IFly4Him]

Saddam and his generals sat in a booth, munching on cotton candy, and enjoying the 'show.'

OK, this was fairly credible until I saw this line...

[Redcloak]

The Iraqis denounced Bat Boy as a spy.

[xm177e2]

So why didn't you tag it as a humor thread? It took me all of 10 seconds.

[TLBSHOW]

calling Scott Ritter!

[Louisiana]

How do we know this is true?

[Dog Gone]

Did you also put it into Breaking News?

[MHGinTN]

A member of the Iraqi National Congress (who went to school with/at same time as Uday and Qusay Hussein) told of Uday siccing his pet tiger on a girl who boasted of being his paramour (while at the beauty parlor), during a party at Uday's sin palace. I would adopt a wait and see attitude toward such articles as this one though.

[ibme]

I wouldn't put any stock into this article.

The title of the article above this is - Archaeologist Finds 12,000 Year Old Magazine From Atlantis! -

The title of the article below this is - TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING -