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McDonnel Douglas internal e-mail

Posted on 03/27/2003 1:43:52 PM PST by dolander2002

Subject: McDonnell-Douglas warranty

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the web department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read too....)


Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. Title [_] Mr.

[_] Mrs.

[_] Ms.

[_] Miss

[_] Lt.

[_] Gen.

[_] Comrade

[_] Classified

[_] Other

First Name: .

Initial: .

Last Name:..............................................

Password: . (max. 8 char)

Code Name:..............................................

Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: .

2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?

[_] F-14 Tomcat

[_] F-15 Eagle

[_] F-16 Falcon

[_] F-117A Stealth

[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):


4. Serial Number: .........................................

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

[_] Received as gift / aid package

[_] Catalogue / showroom

[_] Independent arms broker

[_] Mail order

[_] Discount store

[_] Government surplus

[_] Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

[_] Heard loud noise, looked up

[_] Store display

[_] Espionage

[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally

[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer

[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[_] Style / appearance

[_] Speed / manoeuvrability

[_] Price / value

[_] Comfort / convenience

[_] Kickback / bribe

[_] Recommended by salesperson

[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation

[_] Advanced Weapons Systems

[_] Backroom politics

[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:

[_] North America

[_] Iraq

[_] Iraq

[_] Aircraft carrier

[_] Iraq

[_] Europe

[_] Iraq

[_] Middle East (not Iraq)

[_] Iraq

[_] Africa

[_] Iraq

[_] Asia / Far East

[_] Iraq

[_] Misc. Third World countries

[_] Iraq

[_] Classified

[_] Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:

[_] Color TV

[_] VCR

[_] ICBM

[_] Killer Satellite

[_] CD Player

[_] Air-to-Air Missile

[_] Space Shuttle

[_] Home Computer

[_] Nuclear Weapon

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply:)

[_] Communist / Socialist

[_] Terrorist

[_] Crazed

[_] Neutral

[_] Democratic

[_] Dictatorship

[_] Corrupt

[_] Primitive / Tribal

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[_] Deficit spending

[_] Cash

[_] Suitcases of cocaine

[_] Oil revenues

[_] Personal check

[_] Credit card

[_] Ransom money

[_] Traveller's check

12. Your occupation:

[_] Homemaker

[_] Sales / marketing

[_] Revolutionary

[_] Clerical

[_] Mercenary

[_] Tyrant

[_] Middle management

[_] Eccentric billionaire

[_] Defense Minister / General

[_] Retired

[_] Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

[_] Golf

[_] Boating / sailing

[_] Sabotage

[_] Running / jogging

[_] Propaganda / misinformation

[_] Destabilization / overthrow

[_] Default on loans

[_] Gardening

[_] Crafts

[_] Black market / smuggling

[_] Collectibles / collections

[_] Watching sports on TV

[_] Wines

[_] Interrogation / torture

[_] Household pets

[_] Crushing rebellions

[_] Espionage / reconnaissance

[_] Fashion clothing

[_] Border disputes

[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor, or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email, although the pit bull next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.

Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets.

If you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes. ____________________________________________________ Cheers! Roger

TOPICS: News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: humor; iraqifreedom
Not sure where to post this, but hope you enjoy it.
1 posted on 03/27/2003 1:43:52 PM PST by dolander2002
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To: dolander2002
2 posted on 03/27/2003 1:46:07 PM PST by 6323cd
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To: cmsgop
This is funny..
3 posted on 03/27/2003 1:48:31 PM PST by Jhoffa_ (Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is "Freepin for Zot!")
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To: dolander2002
4 posted on 03/27/2003 1:51:02 PM PST by justlurking
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To: dolander2002
ROTFLMBO!! That is too funny! Bookmarked! *^_^*
5 posted on 03/27/2003 2:11:39 PM PST by 4mycountry (Anyone can be average---it takes something special to be weird. I am honored to be weird.)
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6 posted on 03/27/2003 2:14:11 PM PST by Diddle E. Squat
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To: dolander2002
Passed on to everyone in the address book, even the anti war folks!
7 posted on 03/27/2003 2:24:35 PM PST by B4Ranch (Keep America safe! Thank the troops for our freedom.)
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To: dolander2002
Great Find
8 posted on 03/27/2003 2:29:51 PM PST by orlop9
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To: dolander2002
Post in Humor, this is great.


9 posted on 03/27/2003 2:32:22 PM PST by Dengar01 (Time's Up Saddam... Let's Roll!)
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To: dolander2002
[_] F-14 Tomcat

[_] F-15 Eagle

[_] F-16 Falcon

[_] F-117A Stealth

Only one is a McD product (McD is now part of Boeing, but none of the others are Boeing products either)

F-14 was Gruman, now Northrop-Gruman
F-15 was McD (MacDac) now Boeing
F-16 was General Dynamics now Lockheed-Martin
F-117 was Lockheed, now Lockheed-Martin
A-10 was Republic, since that company went away, various companies have provided updates and other support

B-52 is was and always will be Boeing
B-1B was North American now Boeing
B-2 was Northrop, Now Northrop-Grumman

C-17 was McD, now Boeing
C-130 was Lockheed, now Lockheed-Martin
C-5 was Lockheed, now Lockheed-Martin

KC-10 was McD, Now Boeing
KC-135, is was and always will be Boeing. :)

Patriot was and is Raytheon, although LockMart makes part of the system

As you can see there has been lots of cosolidation in the Defense industry since the current generations of weapons systems were first designed.

10 posted on 03/27/2003 2:44:45 PM PST by El Gato
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To: dolander2002
McDonnell Douglas
11 posted on 03/27/2003 3:04:35 PM PST by SMEDLEYBUTLER
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Sorry, I didn't know if it had been posted before, even though I tried to do a search.

I guess that sometimes, however, even a repeat can still be funny!
12 posted on 03/27/2003 3:15:16 PM PST by dolander2002 (I'm just a sweet little grammy who wouldn't hurt a fly.)
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To: dolander2002
Ok, I filled it out! So..uh..when is the drawing of the Desert Thunder Sweepstakes? Did I we-in??

Hilarious! Thanks!

13 posted on 03/27/2003 4:10:46 PM PST by Adder
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To: Adder
Not sure if you won, but I heard that the prize is an all expense paid trip to an island south of Florida.

Sandal's Resort at Guantanamo Bay, perhaps?
14 posted on 03/27/2003 4:25:02 PM PST by dolander2002 (I'm just a sweet little grammy who wouldn't hurt a fly.)
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To: dolander2002
Welcome to FR - good start!
15 posted on 03/27/2003 4:46:49 PM PST by ErnBatavia ((bumperootus!))
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To: dolander2002
Folks... I think we have a winner in this newbie! Welcome! Enjoy your time here... and may it be long!
16 posted on 03/27/2003 7:49:11 PM PST by OperationFreedom (
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To: dolander2002
Whoo-whee! Ah ain't never won nuthing afore! Guantanamo Bay! Bet thats real nice, especially in the spring. I hear its so warm they don't even have to build walls...just fencing!
17 posted on 03/28/2003 3:03:18 AM PST by Adder
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