Atheist To Give Invocation (Do What?)

The State ^ | 03/22/03 | AP

[SquirrelKing]

The definition of an invocation is 'to call for with fervent desire,'"

Okay, I'll buy that. But the other end of the bat phone is unplugged...

[Semper Paratus]

Invoke the Great Void, how inspiring.

[Alberta's Child]

The Charleston City Council will open its meeting next week with an invocation by an atheist.

This one ought to be a gem.

"Dear members of the Charleston City Council, members of the public, etc.:"

. . . (pause) . . .

. . . (pause) . . .

. . . (pause) . . .

. . . (pause) . . .

. . . (pause) . . .

. . . (pause) . . .

" . . . Amen."

[chance33_98]

Ping

[Maceman]

Here is an advance copy of the invocation, for those of you who won't be there to hear it. It is the lyrics from The Fugs' 1965 song "Nothing."

Actually, I'm kidding. I have no idea what the invocation will be. But I do think this is a reasonable candidate for an atheist's invocation:

Monday: nothing,
Tuesday: nothing,
Wednesday and Thursday: nothing.
Friday, for a change: a little more nothing,
Saturday: once more nothing.

Sunday: nothing,
Monday: nothing,
Tuesday and Wednesday: nothing.
Thursday, for a change: a little more nothing,
Friday: once more nothing.

Montik: gornicht,
Dinstik: gornicht,
Midwoch an Donnerstik: gornicht.
Fritik, far a noveneh: gornicht pikveleh,
Shabas: nach a mool gornicht.

Lunes: nada,
Martes: nada,
Miercoles y Jueves: nada.
Viernes, por cambio: poco mas nada,
Sabado: otra vez nada.

January: nothing,
February: nothing,
March and April: nothing.
May and June: a lot more nothing,
Ju-uly: nothing.

'29: nothing,
'32: nothing,
'39: '45: nothing.
1965: a whole lot of nothing,
1966: nothing.

Reading: nothing,
Writing: nothing,
Even arithmetic: nothing.
Geopgraphy, philosopy, history, nothing,
Social anthropology (hakalakala): nothing.

Oh, "Village Voice": nothing,
"New Yorker": nothing,
"Sing Out" and "Folkways": nothing.
Harry Smith and Allen Ginsberg:
Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Poetry: nothing,
Music: nothing,
Painting and Dancing: nothing.
The world's great books: a great set of nothing,
Audy and Foudy: nothing.

F*cking: nothing,
S*cking: nothing,
flesh and sex: nothing.
Church and Times Square: a lot of nothing,
Nothing, nothing, nothing.

Stevenson: nothing,
Humphry: nothing,
Averell Harriman: nothing.
John Stuart Mill: nihil, nil.
Franklin Delano Nothing.

Karlos Marx: nothing,
Engels: nothing,
Bukunin and Krapotkin: nyothing.
Leon-a Trotsky: lots of nothing,
Stalin: less than nothing.

nothing! nothing! etc.
(lots & lots of nothing)
nothing! nothing! etc
(lots of it)
nothing!
(not a God damn thing)

[The Great RJ]

Atheist funeral--all dressed up and no place to go.

[Alex Murphy]

Right words, wrong source = It's going to come off like George Burns' swearing in, from a scene in "Oh God!"...

"Blah blah blah blah...So help me, me."

That's about the most an athiest can "invoke".

[davisfh]

Even athiests pray. They simply place their hands together,
bow their heads and say, "Dear nobody. Thank you for nothing."

[SquirrelKing]

"Atheist funeral--all dressed up and no place to go"

Good 'un!

What does an dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

Lies awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.

[LiteKeeper]

bump

[Dimensio]

It strikes me as rather pointless. If an atheist is "leading" the invocation, the best thing to do is just skip it and get right to business, which means that everyone would get to go home a few minutes earlier than had someone of a religion offered an invocation.

[SquirrelKing]

"...everyone would get to go home a few minutes earlier..."

Ahh. The ultimate goal of any meeting, in my opinion.

[BSunday]

An atheist/humanist praying? Wouldn't that technically be called talking to yourself?

[BSunday]

An atheist/humanist praying? Wouldn't that technically be called talking to yourself?

[HIDEK6]

But the other end of the bat phone is unplugged...

You win. That's the funniest thing I've read all week!

[Hillarys Gate Cult]

Campbell switched from Democrat to Republican a few months ago. He said that the Democrats no longer stood for black people anymore. No idea how well it's working for him but I haven't seen one negative news item about him since. He used to come up at least once a month in the papers with antics like Marion "Crackhead" Barry used to do.

[SquirrelKing]

"He said that the Democrats no longer stood for black people anymore."

I remember that, now. You're right, his negative press has dropped off. Amazing, isnt it?

[OWK]

An atheist/humanist praying? Wouldn't that technically be called talking to yourself?

That's what praying is called, whether you believe in a God, or not.

[Dataman]

so he could introduce diversity to council meetings.

Diversity has become an excuse for all kinds of stupidity.

[BSunday]

I can tell this is going to be interesting...
Okay, I'll bite. How do you figure?