Women are more likely to cheat than men, finds report.

divorce magazine.com ^ | 3/16/03 | ?

[freepatriot32]

Women are more likely to cheat on their men to gain sexual satisfaction because of their growing assertiveness and their equality in the workplace, say marriage counselors. Cheating husbands, in contrast, are increasingly looking for emotional fulfillment and may actually mean it when they tell their secretaries that their wives don't understand them.

This reversal of traditional roles is detailed by the American author Shirley Glass in a new book, Not Just Friends. She blames the growing trend of illicit sexual adventures among married women for America's 50% divorce rate. "When a woman has an affair, she is more likely to leave her husband because she is already detached from him," she says.

Hollywood sweetheart Meg Ryan, who left husband Dennis Quaid after a fling with Russell Crowe, followed this pattern. After years of supporting Quaid in his battle against alcohol and drugs, Ryan insisted, "My marriage was broken. Nobody else broke it up."

Christine Northam, a counselor with the marriage advice charity Relate, said of the trend, "When you get people in front of you today and you ask why, they will say, 'It was the amazing sex.' That is as it has ever been, but women are now more able to say it was the sex. Previously they would say something like, 'I needed support.'"

Richard Scase, a professor at Kent University in England and a social trends expert, said he was not surprised at Glass' findings. "Women are taking on the traditional male psychology, and men are finding they are not getting the emotional attention from female partners which they used to get," he said. "Men are therefore looking outside the relationship for someone in whom they can confide, be honest with, and be authentic to."

America's divorce rate has quadrupled since 1970, yet Americans remain faithful to the spirit if not the letter of their wedding vows. For 30 years, 96% of Americans have said they want to be married, and 81% of separated or divorced partners say they believe marriage should be for life.

Despite this, Glass notes, "There's a whole generation of women with premarital experience who are much less inhibited about being with somebody other than their husband." She concluded that 25% of wives and 44% of husbands have had affairs.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a New York marriage counselor, said, "We're seeing the pendulum swing. Men used to behave like jocks -- macho men who were only interested in sex -- but now women are behaving the same way."

Anne Wilson (not her real name), 39, a New Yorker, is receiving help to rescue her marriage after a two-month fling. "I really have nothing to complain about. I've been married for 15 years to a lovely Englishman who cares for me, and I have a wonderful apartment and a beautiful car," Wilson said. After the novelty of marriage and motherhood wore off, she felt her home life had become humdrum: "I wanted to have a sparkle in my eyes again. Sex was a high, a rush. It was fantastic while it lasted. He was charismatic and made me laugh. I didn't have to do his laundry or put his toilet seat down."

Weil believes men are not as forgiving as women. "A woman knows that if she has an affair, it's often the end of a marriage. However, the trend for men to look for love and intimacy outside the home is just as dangerous," she said. "When men reach their 30s and 40s, they feel they've had enough stress and work in their lives. They know life is short and if they don't feel happy or 'in love', they want to reach for an emotional link."

That bond is most easily attainable at work, where colleagues often have more in common with each other than with their spouses. Glass' survey revealed that 62% of unfaithful husbands and 46% of unfaithful wives had affairs at work. "The traditional affair involved a man in a position of power who was attracted to a subordinate. Sometimes these relations became love affairs, but frequently, men were just looking for a bit of variety," she said. "Now that women and men are working as equals, the relationship begins with respect, and friendship can cross the line into emotional intimacy."

[wardaddy]

I'm just playing on a "fun" thread in these serious times admittedly.

You are correct. When a woman is ovulating...particularly if she wants children and feels the timeclock then her "randy meter" will go off the charts at ovulation time.

And let's all give a hearty Thank the Lord for that!!

[The Toll]

Oh, man you should work with me. I'm not kidding I am surrounded by knock down beauty queens. Some of them are very forward also, but like I mentioned above my wife is a shrew so all of these forces working together are killing me!
I go to the shooting range an aweful lot. It really does help.

[Lorianne]

Not for women. I was responding to a poster who said women who stayed at home lacked opportunity.

[sumocide]

And how does that shoot the "sperm wars" theory down? Just seems to reinforce it.

[Bush2000]

"I've been married for 15 years to a lovely Englishman who cares for me, and I have a wonderful apartment and a beautiful car,"

Talk about shallow bitches...

[uncitizen]

Even the liberal women that would be expected to read Divorce Magazine and usually believe everything they read, won't believe this.

[Dark Wing]

ping

[wardaddy]

I married 2 pretty faces (and bodies too). The first was a veritable disaster except for 2 lovely daughters with whom I have a close relationship and pay more than my share financially for their well being.

The second to whom I'm now married after about 6 years of singledom and with whom I have 2 in diapers is a much much much better choice. I wish I had known her in my twenties...geez we'd have 10 kids now..lol...nah...then I wouldn't have my daughters who have been a true joy. It all more or less worked out...I'm blessed.

As for gals....any woman who wants to be married and is in her mid 20s or older and has been in a relationship with a man for 2 years and has no ring and date set....she should move on. If you don't know in 2 years then it ain't right.

As you get older...you'll kinow even faster...much faster as in months. I knew I "could" marry my wife on the first date when she sat in my lap and threw her arms around me....I kid you not. I thought...this is my kind of gal! And she is.

As a man now....if I were single and did not want children...I would not get married. And yes, I'm willing to risk hellfire for that admission.

[Sharpshot613]

Just why the hell is there a "Divorce Magazine" anyway? It's not a hobby, like running. It's not laden with stylish accessories one has to shop for, like Bridal magazines. Now that I mention it, there are women out there for whom divorce is a pastime...

[uncitizen]

Sounds exactly like something whining bitching husbandless liberal women would read.

[RaceBannon]

I know for a fact women cheat more then men...

[george wythe]

"I've been married for 15 years to a lovely Englishman who cares for me, and I have a wonderful apartment and a beautiful car,"

Talk about shallow bitches...

"No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first." Cesare Pavese

[Celtjew Libertarian]

I wonder what the difference is between FR and DU cheat statistics

I suspect that both DUers and FReepers cheat less than average. After all, we spend our free time on our respective boards, rather than spending it, sneaking around in affairs.

[BostonCajun]

I'm just glad I don't work with Daisy...or my butt would really be in trouble.... : D

[Bush2000]

>>>"No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first."

I've seen some rather obvious examples of this sad fact in real life; fortunately, I met my wife when we were both in college and didn't have a dime between us. ;-)

[Celtjew Libertarian]

I used to be a letter carrier who did "pick up" routes for other LC's who called in sick etc. There were plenty of women hustling to the door in lingerie only to be surprised the Mr. So&So was not the one at their door

Heh. My wife used to deliver pizza. Had a fair number of woman upset that she wasn't a guy.

[hchutch]

It's kinda hard to understand why anyone would cheat on spouse - at least to me. Whatever happened to the notions that one's word was their bond?

[Jhoffa_]

Women are more likely to cheat on their men to gain sexual satisfaction because of their growing assertiveness and their equality in the workplace, say marriage counselors. Cheating husbands, in contrast, are increasingly looking for emotional fulfillment and may actually mean it when they tell their secretaries that their wives don't understand them.

Anyone who doesn't see the relationship between these two statements is blind.

[k2blader]

Divorce Magazine??

Sad times...