Women are more likely to cheat than men, finds report.

divorce magazine.com ^ | 3/16/03 | ?

[freepatriot32]

Women are more likely to cheat on their men to gain sexual satisfaction because of their growing assertiveness and their equality in the workplace, say marriage counselors. Cheating husbands, in contrast, are increasingly looking for emotional fulfillment and may actually mean it when they tell their secretaries that their wives don't understand them.

This reversal of traditional roles is detailed by the American author Shirley Glass in a new book, Not Just Friends. She blames the growing trend of illicit sexual adventures among married women for America's 50% divorce rate. "When a woman has an affair, she is more likely to leave her husband because she is already detached from him," she says.

Hollywood sweetheart Meg Ryan, who left husband Dennis Quaid after a fling with Russell Crowe, followed this pattern. After years of supporting Quaid in his battle against alcohol and drugs, Ryan insisted, "My marriage was broken. Nobody else broke it up."

Christine Northam, a counselor with the marriage advice charity Relate, said of the trend, "When you get people in front of you today and you ask why, they will say, 'It was the amazing sex.' That is as it has ever been, but women are now more able to say it was the sex. Previously they would say something like, 'I needed support.'"

Richard Scase, a professor at Kent University in England and a social trends expert, said he was not surprised at Glass' findings. "Women are taking on the traditional male psychology, and men are finding they are not getting the emotional attention from female partners which they used to get," he said. "Men are therefore looking outside the relationship for someone in whom they can confide, be honest with, and be authentic to."

America's divorce rate has quadrupled since 1970, yet Americans remain faithful to the spirit if not the letter of their wedding vows. For 30 years, 96% of Americans have said they want to be married, and 81% of separated or divorced partners say they believe marriage should be for life.

Despite this, Glass notes, "There's a whole generation of women with premarital experience who are much less inhibited about being with somebody other than their husband." She concluded that 25% of wives and 44% of husbands have had affairs.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a New York marriage counselor, said, "We're seeing the pendulum swing. Men used to behave like jocks -- macho men who were only interested in sex -- but now women are behaving the same way."

Anne Wilson (not her real name), 39, a New Yorker, is receiving help to rescue her marriage after a two-month fling. "I really have nothing to complain about. I've been married for 15 years to a lovely Englishman who cares for me, and I have a wonderful apartment and a beautiful car," Wilson said. After the novelty of marriage and motherhood wore off, she felt her home life had become humdrum: "I wanted to have a sparkle in my eyes again. Sex was a high, a rush. It was fantastic while it lasted. He was charismatic and made me laugh. I didn't have to do his laundry or put his toilet seat down."

Weil believes men are not as forgiving as women. "A woman knows that if she has an affair, it's often the end of a marriage. However, the trend for men to look for love and intimacy outside the home is just as dangerous," she said. "When men reach their 30s and 40s, they feel they've had enough stress and work in their lives. They know life is short and if they don't feel happy or 'in love', they want to reach for an emotional link."

That bond is most easily attainable at work, where colleagues often have more in common with each other than with their spouses. Glass' survey revealed that 62% of unfaithful husbands and 46% of unfaithful wives had affairs at work. "The traditional affair involved a man in a position of power who was attracted to a subordinate. Sometimes these relations became love affairs, but frequently, men were just looking for a bit of variety," she said. "Now that women and men are working as equals, the relationship begins with respect, and friendship can cross the line into emotional intimacy."

[N. Theknow]

Is that...
no it can't be...
yes, yes!
it is....

Greenpiece!

[SGCOS]

Women are more likely to cheat on their men to gain sexual satisfaction

Hoo doggie!! C'mon girls, I'm buyin' tonight.

[ProudArmyWife]

LOL!!! MEOW!!! Here kitty kitty kitty!

[SauronOfMordor]

Suffice to say, the workplace is not the only place there are "opportunities".

Lorianne, for your letter carriers, the route IS the workplace. Which turns into an example of the original point.

[ProudArmyWife]

STOP MR POSTMAN!! You didnt give me the right "package".

[wardaddy]

Damn....I'm glad my mailbox is 100 yards down a very steep hill at the foot of my drive.

I adore my wife. I would be seriously crushed. I behave myself for that reason...not because she would kill me which she would but because it's the right thing to do.


When I was young and in relationships....'twas not something that came natural I must confess.

I think having lots of children and a very shared life(and goals) and keeping the passion flame alive helps immensely. Why risk destroying something you have both worked so hard at just for an sex? For me as a guy....all this stuff has gotten a bit easier after 40. Some guys like my dad seemed to always just naturally take to fidelity....others cannot seem to grasp it. It's complicated.

[wardaddy]

Isn't it great when your children get to around a year or so of age and you can tell without a bloodtest or DNA study they're your's just by looking at them...lol

I've got a 4 month old....his expression is exactly like my deceased dad's....comforting.

I'm just playing with you. We guys strut about like roosters but we all know where the REAL POWER lies don't we?

Women are way way more powerful in this arena than conventional wisdom allows...in my view.

[The Toll]

I'm the victim of a shrew. A dang mean one too!
geeeeze.

[wardaddy]

"Elementary Biology"???

We didn't have biology in elementary school and the biology I later took in high school and college said nothing about women being more likely to cheat during ovulation nor that biologically their cervix, uterus, or egg would also be more receptive to sperm than usual when cheating during ovulation.

I want to go back and go to school where you went. I bet playing doctor took on a whole new dimension.

[Sharpshot613]

Wow...you been reading my journal? Same thing happened to me...only she is getting married to him now, post-rescue. What a Hillary... :)

[Sabertooth]

It's still our fault, no doubt.

[wardaddy]

I empathize....I was once shrew laden.

[js1138]

I didn't say anything about cheating. Just interest. I could use a calendar to predict my wife's level of interest.

[warchild9]

Cheating would never occur to me, just as it never occured to my parents, or theirs. I think one learns loyalty and honor in relationships from family, and if one's family-values education comes from television, widespread disloyalty and dishonor is what results. ("Family First" is our slogan here at Casa Warchild.)

[elmer fudd]

From what I understand the "sperm wars" theory has been pretty much shot down as inaccurate. What they actually found was that the more monogamous the species was the lazier and more defective their sperm was. Critters like gorillas had a high percentage of sperm cells that swam in circles or had two tails and basically did the sort of things that were supposed to block competitors sperm. In gorilla society however none of that was necessary since the females only bred with the dominant male. Chimps, spider monkeys and other promiscuous species on the other hand had very few of these "blocking sperm". They instead produced much larger quantities of fast, healthy sperm and the more promiscuous the species was the higher the count was of healthy, "normal" sperm and the lower the percentage of the supposed "blocking sperm".

[wardaddy]

I'm sorry. I have an ex myself. She left me for an older fellow who at the time was making low 7 figures per year. Now many years later...I'm glad she's gone or I'd still be unhappily married and would never have met wife #2....and strangely...I get on well with my husband in law who's now "trapped".

Life takes strange twists and if you end up happy where you are then you know what you had to go thru to get there.

[lavaroise]

This reversal of traditional roles is detailed by the American author Shirley Glass in a new book, Not Just Friends.

Say what? BAck when men where at the helm of the arena, they did not depend on the women. Today's women at work are sycophants. It is not the same.

[holdmuhbeer]

"46% of unfaithful wives had affairs at work"

There must be alot better looking women at other places of work than where I work

[DeathfromBelow]

bet it kept them from going "Postal"

[Sharpshot613]

No worries here. I was lucky enough to not marry her. Hindsight is always 20/20, and mine is saying right now why did I stay with her as long as I did. Isn't it amazing how long people will put up with a pretty face?