Posted on 02/24/2003 8:41:02 PM PST by PJ-Comix
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I actually got one of those Nigerian scam artists interested in buying the Brooklyn Bridge from me. First let us take a trip down memory lane with his original e-mail to me which I posted on this THREAD and which I reprint below:
Attn: Sir,
I am Mr. Martin Uche Senior Manager accounts/audit department, in (UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC) Mr. Mark johnson a national of your country, who was a consultant with Shell-development Company in Nigeria and a personal friend Died and left behind his deposit in my finance house(UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC) valued at $7,753,000.00 (Seven Million Seven Hundred and Fifty Three Thousand United States Dollars Only). My relationship with Mr. Mark started in 1992 when I was a supervisor in UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC , Marina branch.
We met in my social club's annual end of the year party and I introduced him to my bank where he opened this account some few weeks later making me the account officer to the account which he operated until his unfortunate demise. On the 1st of June 2001, Mr. Mark, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident . All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of Mr. Mark's extended relatives this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I am contacting you to assist in repatriating the money left behind by Mr. Mark before they get confiscated since the bank has declared the account unserviceable. I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2years since I was recalled back to Marina Branch as a Senior Manager from a transfer that took me to another branch of the bank.
I therefore seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased, so that the proceeds of this account valued at $7,753,000.00 (Seven Million Seven Hundred and Fifty Three Thousand United States Dollars Only) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money. 70% to me and 30% to you. I have access to all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make.
All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me through my email or phone and send to me your full name telephone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further about this transaction.
Anticipating your soonest co-operation.
Best regards,
Mr.Martin Uche.
And here was my reply to that e-mail:
Mr. Uche---Small world. I actually knew Mark Johnson years ago and boffed his wife on a couple of occasions. Therefore I am deeply grieved to learn of their demise.
As to the $7,753,000.00 to be paid to me, I prefer they be first used to purchase the new Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds. I currently own $18 million of these bonds and they have paid me 15% yearly interest since I purchased them nearly 3 years ago. These bonds are being used for the renovation of the Brooklyn Bridge and commencing in 2004, tolls will be charged for crossing the Brooklyn Bridge. This is why such a high rate of interest is being paid on these bonds which are backed up by the Brooklyn Bridge as collateral.
Please contact me about investing the $7,753,000.00 into the Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds. If you have any other capital available, I would suggest you invest that into these bonds as well.
I am looking forward to our joint ownership of the Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds. Thank You.---P.J.
Think this reply above was too much over the edge? Well, guess what? Mr. Uche has replied and has expressed interest in buying the Brooklyn Bridge from me. Here is the reply I recieved just a few minutes ago:
Dear P.J.
Thanks very much for your prompt reply to me to my mail and your suggestion is highly welcome. To enable proceed with the transfer of the fund, I will appreciate if you contact me who will handle the transaction on your behalf.
He is Barrister Richard Obi by name and is email address is bar2richardobi@justice.com for the transfer to take place a letter of administration and the death Certificate of the late Mr. M. Johnson has to be obtained the lawyer and a sworn affidavit change of ownership in your favour.
I will appreciate if you forward to the lawyer as a mater of urgency your full name, Telephone/ Fax numbers and your full home/official address to enable him proceed further. The letter of administration and death certificate of the late Mr. Johnson shall be forwarded to you for your perusal. When finally obtained by the lawyer.
I sincerely hope to invest my share into the Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds as you have said, as we shall be working as partners. You can also contact the lawyer through his cell phone number 234-804-2106115for further discussions.
Looking forward to your response.
Your’s faithfully,
Uche.
And here is my reply to this latest e-mail from Mr. Uche:
Hi Marty!---Great to hear from you.
The person handling the transaction on my behalf is my Columbian business associate, Mr. Marco Traficante of the Coca-Eena Importing Company. He will be traveling to Nigeria next month and will conduct the transaction for the Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds in which you have expressed an interest in purchasing.
While he is there, Mr. Traficante will be investigating the market for opening up a Hooters franchise in Nigeria. Have you ever been to a Hooters Restaurant? They serve the most excellent chicken wings there and I think this restaurant would be very popular in your country. Here in the USA, Hooters Restaurant with its owl theme is very popular, perhaps because we revere owls so much over here. Did you know that we even forbid the construction of some dams here because they might harm the habitat of spotted owls? Also all the waitresses must have large eyes to go with the owl theme of the Hooters restaurant (owls are also known as Hooters).
Would you also be interested in becoming our Nigerian partner of the Hooters restaurant? The main thing, in addition to serving up the most excellent chicken wings, is to ensure that all the waitresses have very large eyes to go with the owl theme.
Please let me know if you can meet with Mr. Marco Traficante when he arrives in Nigeria. Thanx.---P.J.
I haven't been to that flea mkt. for two years. What's the best day to go there? I remember a Cambodian family that was selling all kinds of tropical fruit, papaya etc. they grew in their backyard. The smoked fish/ deli across the street is fantastic. Lox Haven-- the smoked fish capital of the world.
Tuesdays and Saturdays. But you have to go there early or wait in line to park. There is a great oriental vegetable section there where you can buy all sorts of exotic vegetables much cheaper than in the stores. If you want some great Bermuda shorts check out my friend, Big Steve, and you can get them for only $5. Brand new. NOT seconds. I'll check out Lox Haven across the street next time I'm there.
BTW, one of Larry's food specialties is STALE jalapeno bagel with melted American cheese in it. When he served me that as a snack while I was giving him eBay instructions, I tossed that against the wall as well. The Bagel hit the wall on the melted American cheese side and slowly oozed its way down. So I gave Larry a sort of kinetic piece of art on his wall. Of course, he did NOT appreciate my contribution to his decor.
Where is this Flea Market? It sounds like it might be worth a road trip.
Uhhh....Maybe they might want to consider cracking down on e-mail scam artists from their country.
State Road 7 in Broward County. About 4 blocks north of Atlantic. BTW, you really don't want to be checking out Larry's stale jalapeno bagel with melted American cheese in it.
Hey! I resemble that remark! *wink*
PJ, you absolutely slay me!
Oh yeah, and I do remember the Larry and Barry (?) stories. You barely escaped with your life! LOL!!
I take it you wouldn't recommend him for a fast food franchise. Here in Jersey he would probably go over pretty well.
And as to throwing food at walls and such...you would also be a welcome addition as a restaurant patron.
Come to think of it....forget Jersey....both of you should get your butts up to Soho. I can get you booked as a performance art duo.
You can borrow my moustache if yu want to go incognito. It's waxed pretty heavily and doubles as a toothpick.
Actually it was Larry and Harry. Harry is Larry's son. Envision "Father Knows Best" and then take the exact opposite and you have the home of Larry and Harry. Basically the whole time I was doing my eBay instructions over at Larry's house, Larry was cursing and screaming at Harry, telling him what an idiot he was. Then later, when I couldn't take it anymore, I decided to leave. But Larry wasn't through with me. He wanted me to post even more of his auctions on eBay so he tackled me outside on the two foot high grass lawn. Then Harry started screaming at Larry and jumped on his legs in turn. Then we had a large human train on the lawn---The Harry, Larry, Me Train with me as the engine desperately clawing my way on the lawn trying to get to my car to escape that nightmare. Unfortunately, I also had to drag along Larry and Harry since Larry was holding onto my legs and Harry was holding onto Larry's legs so we all resembled a very slow moving train.
That wasn't the end of the nightmare but perhaps one day I'll write a full story about it. BTW, I actually did see Larry at Margate last Tuesday and he offered to make me a stale jalapeno bagel with melted American cheese in it. I politely declined. Then Larry gave me a bunch of KFC coupons to give to Ken. He is still grateful to Ken for not running over his head with his car as he originally wanted.
PJ, that story cracks me up every stinkin' time!
I really need to write up that whole experience as a short story. BTW, it would be even funnier if you were to see and hear Larry. He actually does look like an upended tortoise with an adenoidal voice. As to his son Harry, he was a very large guy who was constantly screaming "DAD! DAD!" in response to Larry yelling about what an idiot he was. For a long time Larry was calling my answering machine leaving at least a dozen messages per day demanding that I list more eBay auctions for him. Fortunately he lost my phone number so no more calls.
As a fringe benefit I might even invite Harry and Larry to the dinner. I won't tell them the REAL reason for it. In fact, I'll just tell them I inherited a large stash of money and am holding a celebration party. Harry and Larry are so clueless that they might actually ENJOY the meal. Since they are sure to have their typical familial meltdown, they would provide comedic entertainment as they begin cursing and screaming at each other. Oh, and in honor of Larry, I would also serve up stale jalapeno bagels with melted American cheese inside which I would INSIST that the Nigerian Scam Artist try.
HOOTERS AIR!!!
http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/030214/atf012_1.html
ATLANTA, Feb. 14 /PRNewswire/ -- Hooters of America, Inc. today announced that its aviation partner Hooters Air will begin flight operations on March 6, 2003. Hooters Air One, painted in the orange and white colors of the famous restaurant chain with Hooters Air graphics and the Hooters owl "Hootie" on the tail, will take its inaugural flight with ticketed passengers from Atlanta to Myrtle Beach, S.C., at 3:20 p.m. Initially the airline will provide service only to these two cities. Additional flights and cities will be added soon with service from Newark, N.J., to Myrtle Beach through Atlanta to commence March 20. Hooters Air ticket prices are set at a flat rate of $129 one-way. Reservations can be made at www.hootersair.com or by calling 1-888-FLY-HOOT (1-888-359-4668).
"I am excited that something I have worked towards for many years is about to take place," said Hooters of America chairman and Hooters Air owner Robert H. Brooks. "I think when passengers experience the quality flight experience of Hooters Air at a fair price, they will want to fly again with us. We will offer a level of comfort and service unlike anything in the air today."
Hooters Air will be manned by a flight crew consisting of two pilots, three flight attendants and two Hooters Girls (wearing traditional restaurant uniforms). The flight attendants will be experienced, certified, and the position will be gender neutral. The Hooters Girls will be restaurant employees who will assist with hostess and food/beverage functions. Hooters Air will utilize a Boeing 737 outfitted with 112 midsize leather seats.
Hooters of America, Inc. is the franchiser and operator of over 330 Hooters restaurants in 43 states and 9 foreign countries. The first Hooters opened in 1983 in Clearwater, Florida. Hooters is well known for its brand of food and fun, featuring a casual beach-theme atmosphere, a menu that features seafood, sandwiches and Hooters' signature chicken wings, and service provided by the All-American cheerleaders, the Hooters Girls.
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