Posted on 02/24/2003 8:41:02 PM PST by PJ-Comix
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I actually got one of those Nigerian scam artists interested in buying the Brooklyn Bridge from me. First let us take a trip down memory lane with his original e-mail to me which I posted on this THREAD and which I reprint below:
Attn: Sir,
I am Mr. Martin Uche Senior Manager accounts/audit department, in (UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC) Mr. Mark johnson a national of your country, who was a consultant with Shell-development Company in Nigeria and a personal friend Died and left behind his deposit in my finance house(UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC) valued at $7,753,000.00 (Seven Million Seven Hundred and Fifty Three Thousand United States Dollars Only). My relationship with Mr. Mark started in 1992 when I was a supervisor in UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC , Marina branch.
We met in my social club's annual end of the year party and I introduced him to my bank where he opened this account some few weeks later making me the account officer to the account which he operated until his unfortunate demise. On the 1st of June 2001, Mr. Mark, his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident . All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives. Since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of Mr. Mark's extended relatives this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I am contacting you to assist in repatriating the money left behind by Mr. Mark before they get confiscated since the bank has declared the account unserviceable. I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for over 2years since I was recalled back to Marina Branch as a Senior Manager from a transfer that took me to another branch of the bank.
I therefore seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased, so that the proceeds of this account valued at $7,753,000.00 (Seven Million Seven Hundred and Fifty Three Thousand United States Dollars Only) can be paid to you and then you and I can share the money. 70% to me and 30% to you. I have access to all necessary legal documents that can be used to back up any claim we may make.
All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me through my email or phone and send to me your full name telephone and fax numbers to enable us discuss further about this transaction.
Anticipating your soonest co-operation.
Best regards,
Mr.Martin Uche.
And here was my reply to that e-mail:
Mr. Uche---Small world. I actually knew Mark Johnson years ago and boffed his wife on a couple of occasions. Therefore I am deeply grieved to learn of their demise.
As to the $7,753,000.00 to be paid to me, I prefer they be first used to purchase the new Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds. I currently own $18 million of these bonds and they have paid me 15% yearly interest since I purchased them nearly 3 years ago. These bonds are being used for the renovation of the Brooklyn Bridge and commencing in 2004, tolls will be charged for crossing the Brooklyn Bridge. This is why such a high rate of interest is being paid on these bonds which are backed up by the Brooklyn Bridge as collateral.
Please contact me about investing the $7,753,000.00 into the Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds. If you have any other capital available, I would suggest you invest that into these bonds as well.
I am looking forward to our joint ownership of the Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds. Thank You.---P.J.
Think this reply above was too much over the edge? Well, guess what? Mr. Uche has replied and has expressed interest in buying the Brooklyn Bridge from me. Here is the reply I recieved just a few minutes ago:
Dear P.J.
Thanks very much for your prompt reply to me to my mail and your suggestion is highly welcome. To enable proceed with the transfer of the fund, I will appreciate if you contact me who will handle the transaction on your behalf.
He is Barrister Richard Obi by name and is email address is bar2richardobi@justice.com for the transfer to take place a letter of administration and the death Certificate of the late Mr. M. Johnson has to be obtained the lawyer and a sworn affidavit change of ownership in your favour.
I will appreciate if you forward to the lawyer as a mater of urgency your full name, Telephone/ Fax numbers and your full home/official address to enable him proceed further. The letter of administration and death certificate of the late Mr. Johnson shall be forwarded to you for your perusal. When finally obtained by the lawyer.
I sincerely hope to invest my share into the Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds as you have said, as we shall be working as partners. You can also contact the lawyer through his cell phone number 234-804-2106115for further discussions.
Looking forward to your response.
Your’s faithfully,
Uche.
And here is my reply to this latest e-mail from Mr. Uche:
Hi Marty!---Great to hear from you.
The person handling the transaction on my behalf is my Columbian business associate, Mr. Marco Traficante of the Coca-Eena Importing Company. He will be traveling to Nigeria next month and will conduct the transaction for the Brooklyn Bridge Transit Bonds in which you have expressed an interest in purchasing.
While he is there, Mr. Traficante will be investigating the market for opening up a Hooters franchise in Nigeria. Have you ever been to a Hooters Restaurant? They serve the most excellent chicken wings there and I think this restaurant would be very popular in your country. Here in the USA, Hooters Restaurant with its owl theme is very popular, perhaps because we revere owls so much over here. Did you know that we even forbid the construction of some dams here because they might harm the habitat of spotted owls? Also all the waitresses must have large eyes to go with the owl theme of the Hooters restaurant (owls are also known as Hooters).
Would you also be interested in becoming our Nigerian partner of the Hooters restaurant? The main thing, in addition to serving up the most excellent chicken wings, is to ensure that all the waitresses have very large eyes to go with the owl theme.
Please let me know if you can meet with Mr. Marco Traficante when he arrives in Nigeria. Thanx.---P.J.
Hooters are already heroes to me. Why? Remember how a few years ago the government told them they were discriminatory because they didn't hire male waiters at their restaurants? Instead of cowering and complying with such a ridiculous demand, Hooters countered with billboards showing some guy dressed in a Hooters waitress uniform. The government backed down on their demands since Hooters turned them into a laughingstock.
Good idea but it would get me in trouble with e-Bay. Hey, I've got a PERFECT 524 Feedback over there (no negatives) and I don't want to ruin it. However, I occasionally notice things being sold on e-Bay from Nigeria. Are folks actually stupid enough to send payments over there?
Thanks...and I hope I passed the audition.
The $26,000 was sent and the sucker stopped hearing form the islander. Finally he went to investigate and he found the scumbag was a drunk and had squandered the money. Some work was done on the boat project but the money was literally passed away. The man who got scammed was a great human being who really wanted to help the sick people....... Unfortunately he was also prime scam material.
I think such a TV show would be a PUBLIC SERVICE since it would serve as a warning not to give out information about your bank account. Down here in Florida scam artists are even posing as cops to gain access to bank accounts. Not long ago a couple of scam artists pretended to be police detectives and told an elderly man that they were investigating a bank scam artist and they needed his bank account info to nail the scam artist. Fortunately the intended mark was sufficiently suspicious to contact the REAL police and the scam artists pretending to be cops were busted when they showed up at his bank.
Remember, all these bank account scam e-mails are being sent because they WORK! If more publicity were given to this scam, it couldn't be pulled off so often.
OK, but can't you grow a real moustache? If you are hired you will be paid off with a free drug sniffing dog of your very own.
Ok I'm busy growing one. But let's make me blind (I got some cool sun glasses) and use the dog as a seeing eye companion.....then tell him I'm a former employee of both the DEA and the INS.
I can see him salivating now when we later try to sell him his own border crossing franchise.
This is where my friend Ken comes into the picture. One day Ken was walking down the aisles when he heard a voice. Ken stopped and listened again. He heard the voice: "Kill me!" Ken still couldn't find out who was saying this until he noticed a vendor on the ground with his head next to the front wheel of the car. It was Larry.
"Kill me!" Larry repeated. "I can't take it anymore." I guess it all hit Larry at once that he was once rich and quickly got scammed out of his fortune.
Then Larry reached into his pocket and held the keys up to Ken. "Please drive this car over my head. It would be merciful. I'll even give you the title to my car so you can keep it after you run over me. Just, please, end it for me."
Of course, my friend Ken couldn't go through with it so he asked Larry to have some breakfast with him and talk about why he wanted to leave this life. So Larry had breakfast with Ken and told him the story above. I later met Larry through Ken since Larry was interested having me teach him how to sell stuff on eBay. What a mental case! When I entered Larry's home it looked like the interior walls were decorated by Charles Manson with bizarre words drawn in black magic marker. (Also the grass on his lawn was about two feet high). I need to write a whole story about my encounters with Larry because what you have read here is just the beginning. All I'll say for now is that while I was showing Larry how do sell on eBay, he served me up a dinner that was so horrible that I couldn't even be polite about it. I just tossed his plate against the wall. (And since his wall was already covered with strange markings it wasn't as impolite as it sounds.)
p.s. If you want to spot Larry at Margate Flea Market just look for a guy who looks and sounds like an adenoidal tortoise. Trust me. That description fits him PERFECTLY.
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