Posted on 02/13/2003 1:33:40 PM PST by dware
As you wander downtown Saturday afternoon, you might be accosted by someone who purports to speak with a voice of reason about the looming war with Saddam Hussein's regime in Iraq.
Facing the prospect of dealing eye to eye with a war protester, you might want to be prepared. That is to say, in peacenik-ese, that you should be ready with a preemptive strike.
It's OK to strike first in the rhetorical battle over the war. Actually, it's good to strike first in the real battle, especially if you aspire to survive it.
Here are some tips for confusing, flummoxing, vexing, irking and otherwise irritating war protesters planning their rally. You might even help one back to reality. If you can save but one backwater-beatnik from the intellectual and ethical wasteland of supporting a dictatorial regime bent on destroying the West in an unholy war, it will be all worthwhile.
When you see someone packing the "No War for Oil" sign, ask why he's protesting in the United States and not in Paris or Berlin. France and Germany, as it happens, are the nations with dibs on Iraqi oil and would hate to see Saddam's successor pumping black gold out on the open market.
When you are told, "Like, dude, I'm talking about the Bush cartel, man," refrain from inquiring as to how long it took to learn the word "cartel." Rather, you might inquire about how much oil the Bush cartel got when it last was in Iraq. Just for kicks, you might comment that had Bush No. 1 claimed Iraq's oil for America a dozen years ago, he might have retained office and spared the nation the eight years of deceit and narcissism that set the stage for the current threats arising around the world.
Next will come the claim of American imperialism.
Point out that empires rarely win decisive battles, then restore their enemies to their previous borders. Actually, empires never do that. That they excel in the business of subjugation, destruction and humiliation is one reason they are called empires. The conduct of the Persian Gulf War illustrates precisely why the United States is not an empire.
"There's no smoking gun."
Again, refrain from commenting about .22-short IQ of the protester. The reason to go into Iraq is to find loaded guns, not smoking ones. There is a one-word description of people who happen upon smoking guns: Bleeding.
"Go after al-Qaida first."
Here's where it might get dicey, but Osama bin Laden, in a curious misstep, gave up the game. He and Saddam are fighting on the same side and bin Laden acknowledged it. Whatever their differences, they pale in comparison to their mutual hatred of the West. Saddam Hussein is Al-Qaida is bin Laden is Saudi Wahhabism. So, the fair question is, why go after Saddam first?
Because he's building a bomb, silly. If he doesn't build the bomb, al-Qaida can't deliver it. If he can't brew up anthrax or nerve gas, the Wahhabis funded by the House of Saud have no toxic substance to release in New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles or even little Grand Junction.
That doesn't mean that they won't look elsewhere, of course. They will. But one source will be dried up, which makes the task that much more difficult.
"North Korea is the big threat — go after Kim Jong Il first."
Yes, Kim has a nuke (supplied by a Nobel Peace Prize winner, go figure) but he also likes American booze, blondes and Baldwin movies. He sees no percentage in martyrdom, probably because he has a ready supply of virgins (kinda) already. Part of the axis, yes, but he's the one who can be bought off, especially once he sees Saddam's head on a pike.
"All war is wrong!"
Perhaps, but only survivors can debate the point.
{M4Gary Harmon can be reached via e-mail at gharmon@gjds.com.
Perhaps, but only survivors can debate the point.
Sweet.
Perhaps, but only survivors can debate the point.
Sweet.
Yeah...it is sweet...I was happy to see it printed.
CD
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