Devil's Dictionary

INVESTOR'S BUSINESS DAILY ^ | Friday, February 7, 2003 | Editor

[Isara]

Spending: Having spent themselves into a hole, politicians are trying to make us feel sorry for them as they devise ways to climb out with anything but real cuts.

Watch your wallet and listen up. The terms used as they work through their problems are right out of Alice in Wonderland. Herewith, a short though incomplete list.

cuts, n. Reductions not in dollars spent but in the rate at which spending is allowed to increase. The University of California budget, up 68% in eight years, is said to face "extraordinarily significant cuts," though it's scheduled for a 4.9% increase.

Draconian, adj. Any reductions in spending beyond "cuts" as defined above. Derived from the Greek dracos, a fire-breathing dragon that preyed on public employees in ancient Athens.

massive, adj. Favorite descriptive for any reduction in taxes. Rarely used to describe increases in spending, and then only in the case of higher defense outlays sought by Republicans.

benefits, n. Money the government doesn't take from you. Planned reductions in federal income-tax rates are said to be a "benefit" to "rich" people who pay taxes. Not to be confused with actual government programs, which are "needed services."

layoff, n. The act of letting workers go, especially when there isn't money to pay them. Now obsolete in government parlance due to the deference that politicians pay to public employee unions.

wrong, adj. Pejorative for those who actually pay taxes - as in the "wrong people" that sen. Tom Daschle contends will benefit from tax-rate cuts included in the president's economic growth plan.

haves, n. See "wrong" above. Includes the 10% of taxpayers with incomes of more than $92,000 whom Daschle considers "rich" enough to shoulder 67% of the federal tax burden.

have-nots, n. Opposite of "haves." Citizens who pay little or no federal income tax but get the same services. Referring to "have-nots" as "do-nots," "can-nots" or "will-nots" is considered impolite.

penny, n. Slang for a percentage-point increase in tax rate. Gov. Gray Davis wants to add a "penny" to California's sales tax by bumping the rate to 8.25% from 7.25%. That's not a penny, or even a percent. It's an increase of 13.8%.

politically unthinkable, adj. Cuts politicians say you'd never accept. A cut in California's prison budget would be "politically unthinkable," since it would put felons back on the street. What's unthinkable, however, is bucking a prison guards union that's given the governors $3.4 million and has gotten pay hikes totalling 37%.

[Reeses]

Change Agents: Red Socialists

Human Processes: Red Socialist victims

ACLU: Red Socialists

9th Circuit Court of Appeals: Red Socialists

Democrat Party: Red Socialist Party

Peace Party: Red Socialist Party

Green Party: Red Socialist Party

Nazi Party: Red Socialist Party

Ba'ath Party: Red Socialist Party

Blue Zone: Red Socialist Zone

[Nonfaction]

rights, n. Anything involving a transfer from "haves" to "have-nots" (see above). As in, "Basic health care/a good education/decent housing/a secure retirement/etc. is a right of every American."

[Isara]

Thank you for your contribution, folks. Keep them coming.

[Jason_b]

Hoarding: What people, who have squandered all their resources, accuse those who have saved of doing. By demonizing the saver as being a "hoarder," it is easier to send the government to confiscate the private property of the saver and distribute the loot to the jealous have nots---who will then squander that too.

[Marines981]

Democrat n. : See Devil

[Slyfox]

Son of the Devil

[Slyfox]

Clinton Marriage

[Slyfox]

Sign of Triumph

[Sir Francis Dashwood]

abor•tion, n. Ritual mass murder upon the altars dedicated to idolatrous vanities, collective human sacrifice to pagan idols.

[Sir Francis Dashwood]

capital punishment, v. Post-natal abortion with a fair trial by a jury of peers for the accused...

[Sir Francis Dashwood]

Dem•o•crat, n. Aging dung that dries up, blows away and diminishes greatly in odor. In a covered jar or vessel it ferments. And thus, we have the Democratic Party, intra muros, wafting forth with putrified scent from such a container being loosened...

[Semper911]

Good post, good thread. Thanks for typing it in for us. (...and nice work on the html.)