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Posted on 01/10/2003 9:07:04 AM PST by victim soul
“I know, O Lord, that your laws are righteous, and in faithfulness you have afflicted me.”
—Psalm 119:75
My heart races as I push the send button on the e-mail I just spent hours composing. In my mind is Psalm 119:75. The words churn, and my stomach feels queasy. God forgives our every sin. But in His great love, He does not remove the consequences of our choices.
How could I have known on that cold, windy March day some 30 years ago the incredible consequences of my choice would keep coming, no matter how far removed I was from my selfish decision?
Unrelenting tears
I compare the healing from my abortion to peeling an onion. With each passing year, I pull back layers and cry. Then I put the onion down, wipe my eyes and wait a little while before tackling the job again. I never know what odd event will trigger the sadness—a pink-cherub little girl passing by in her parent’s grocery cart or a baby crying in church on Mother’s Day. Yet little by little, God replaces the pain in my heart with peace.
My e-mail is another onion layer. The Lord had laid it on my heart to tell my two grown boys about the older sister they were never allowed to have. Their father and I had chosen abortion for their sister so we could finish our college degrees. (We divorced several years ago.) I struggled with the decision to tell my sons. My prayers were many, mostly asking the Lord to relieve me from this task.
Pushing the button to send that e-mail brings a thousand fears to mind. Will he hate me? What if he is so upset he never wants to speak to me again?
The response from one of my sons is probably the most loving thing he has ever done for me, further releasing me from my prison of abortion.
Dear Mom,
Thank you for being honest about this terrible thing.. . . I know it must have been hard for you to share it with me, but honest, Mom, I hope you don’t think I would hate you. . . . I feel so sad for our family. When I read your words, it was like all the puzzle pieces to my life fell into place.
I don’t know why, but I always felt like our family had a “missing piece.”. . . Our home had an emptiness, an unexplainable sadness.
Now I know why. . . .
Thank you, Mom, for having the courage to share your heart. Now I know why you are so passionate about pro-life issues. Yes, it all makes sense now.
I love you, Mom. . . .
As I counsel post-abortive women, the question sometimes arises as to whether to tell siblings of the aborted baby. While this can be a step in the healing process, I don’t recommend it unless the woman has attended a post-abortion counseling group and has worked through the pain. The decision should be considered only with much prayer and confirmation that this is something the Lord would want you to do.
Trudy M. Johnson works in the Focus on the Family Crisis Pregnancy Ministry.
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