There's:
Move along...
You know, I had thought
that Clinton had been accused
of everything. But...
Zambians Traumatised By Crash-landing Flying Wizards
Panafrican News Agency
January 6, 2001
Mildred Mulenga
Lusaka, Zambia
More than 30 stark naked people suspected to be wizards "crash-landed" on rooftops of houses owned by families, institutions and filling stations in Zambia last year, leaving the population puzzled.
The latest of these bizarre incidents occurred on New Year eve when one of such suspected wizard crash-landed in Kasanda, a mining township near the midlands central town of Kabwe, 80 km north of Lusaka, the capital. He sustained fatal body and knee injuries on impact.
The suspected wizard, believed to be in his 50's, reportedly fell on the roof of house owned by one Christopher Muwowo at about 01:15 hours Zambian time, causing pandemonium among sleeping family members.
Muwowo, a minibus driver and other members of his family were awakened by a loud bang on the roof, which also prompted dogs to start barking.
The man's wife, who was the first to get out of the house, was astonished to find a stark naked man kneeling on the doorsteps. She yelled for help.
When Muwowo dashed outside and asked the strange visitor what he was looking for at that awkward hour, the naked man simply said "kuku" (meaning Please Help). After that, he could not answer or talk anything until he was taken to Kasanda police station.
Curious neighbours, mostly dressed in their night wear who had heard the man's screams, went to Muwowo's house, only to be shocked by the presence of a naked man sprawling on the ground.
The naked uninvited guest was taken to Kasanda Police Station.
"Cases of witches and wizards crash-landing are rare in Kabwe but very common in Lusaka," said one onlooker.
Among the first people to rush to Kasanda Police Station to have a glimpse of the wizard was Kabwe Mayor John Siamuzyulu and Central Province Police Chief Ryan Chitoba.
Residents eager to see the wizard besieged the police station. A good Samaritan provided a blanket to cover the hapless man.
But since he could not talk, the police had difficulties to establish his name, age, his destination and where he was coming from.
The suspected wizard was later taken to the Department of Social Welfare to await being taken to the Traditional Healers and Practitioners Association of Zambia or THAPAZ who had agreed to exorcise him.
Unfortunately, the wizard died before he was charged and police have appealed to the Zambian public to come forward and identify the man.
THAPAZ president, "Dr" Rodwell Vongo, who heads a group of 40,000 local traditional herbalists, claimed in an interview with PANA that the Kabwe wizard was the only fatal case out of the over a hundred wizards who had so far crash-landed on roof-tops of houses in the country.
"They normally crash-land, giving lack of fuel as the cause of crash-landing and ending their missions prematurely," Vongo said.
Asked to clarify why wizards must fly naked, Vongo explained that this was the only way they could conceal their identity when flying.
"But the most important secret in their view is that the potency of their concoctions would respond to their taking off from the ground when naked than when they are dressed," he claimed
THAPAZ's director of Information, "Dr' Alex Kekelwa, said that exhaustion of fuel was not the only reason why wizards crash-land at times.
"Sometimes, some of these chaps fly over enemy territory, and they are shot down with traditional ground to air missiles.
"I am a traditional herbalist and my mission is to save life through healing and so THAPAZ does not recognise witchcraft. But if a wizard flew over my house, which is my territory, I will certainly respond by protecting my family and myself by shooting down a wizard.
I do not want to say anything beyond that", Kekelwa stressed.
Kekelwa declined to unravel the motives of flying wizards, saying he was not one of them to know their strategies. "May be some of these guys have concubines they want to visit hundred of kilometres away from where they live while others have sinister motives of going to kill their targeted enemies."
Sounds like your typical homeowners association..
"Hold muh beer 'n watch this!" PING....
If you want on or off this list, please let me know!
Democrat (dem'e krat) n. 1 a reanimated corpse that sucks the blood of sleeping persons. 2 one who preys ruthlessly on others.
How do you cheer up a depressed vampire?
B positive!
