Vanity- Tongue piercing

[Trust but Verify]

We have an 18 year-old daughter who wants to get her tongue pierced. We have been adamantly against any piercings for our son, and any that go beyond regular ear piercing for our daughter. We have, essentially forbidden this as well as tatooing. We feel it is a passing phase with more permanent repercussions.

Today my daughter plead her case for having it done, saying it is something she wants and can do with or without our permission now that she is 18.

She is a college freshman and is struggling with her 'identity' as such, and I think she thinks this is going to make her feel more grown-up and independent.

I'm almost to the point of telling her to do what she wants, but I know her father will have a fit and then we'll all have to live with the fall-out.

I have always sweated everything, large and small. These days, I only want to sweat the large stuff. My question is, "Is acquiescing on the tongue piercing large or small stuff?"

[Texaggie79]

You can tell her, I'm 23 and I find it repulsive..... for a prospective wife at least ;-)

[proust]

"BTW, she is the farthest thing from a skank you can imagine,"

Please don't take this the wrong way, but how sure are you of that? Parents often see their kids through rose-colored glasses.. If I was a parent this would be a real red flag for other activities. I assume you're living by your nickname?

[Cicero]

Aside from the other implications, I've heard that it's very risky from a medical point of view. If she's dead set on being fashionable and getting the pierced look, and you just can't stop her, I would suggest almost any other kind of piercing instead--nose, eyebrow, one or two in the upper ear.

I hate the look of any of these, but it's much better than the health risks involved with tongue piercing--and the terrible discomfort as well.

[Paul Atreides]

If those fail, trying telling her that you will be wearing the same type of clothes as Madonna and tell her that you are going to get piercings as well.

[Trust but Verify]

I'm not real sure about this. None of her friends have done their tongues. A few have tattoos, small and fairly inconspicuous. I have a niece and a nephew who have lots of piercings and she knows what I think of them and their parents for 'letting' them trash up their bodies.

I'm trying to be objective in examining my motives for opposing it. Part of it is that I fear it will reflect badly on me as a parent.

[Happygal]

Tell her go ahead. She's an adult.

But when her tongue swells up and she is nigh on choking, she better have her OWN medical insurance to stop her from dying.

[Paul Atreides]

Plus, it won't just stop at one piercing. Most likely, she will have a face full of steel.

[Trust but Verify]

I'm absolutely positive. She is very shy and doesn't date at ALL. I mean NEVER. And she still ives at home, so we are aware of her activites.

[deport]

I think I'm gonna go with the medical/dental arguemnts.

And has anyone in her peer group experienced problems that you know of. If not, then most likely these want fly with her, but taking her to see the medical professionals and let them tell her what they have treated may help.

[dennisw]

You are right. Was trying to avoid crude terms.

[BuddhaBoy]

Your college freshman daughter is in a serious competition.

She is asking your permission to compete with other college girls for the attention of college boys AND some professors, who want nothing more from them than the occasional b-job, and more.

You should follow the advice of others here. Your daughter can, and likely will disregard your advice and get the piercing. She can do so and easily hide it's existance from you.

If you are paying for school, stop now. Even if she says she will obey you. She wont. The pressure to fit in, is greater than any that you could exert, and if your daughter is someone who wants a piercing, then you have already lost her from a values perspective.

You should just cut the cord, while reminding her that she is welcome back in your life, when she is getting perfect grades in College, or when she grows up to the point where she can see for herself what a stupid idea the piercing is.

[Scully]

lol, I think the term is "fellatio"...not that I've ever done it.

[Paul Atreides]

She may have friends that you don't know about. I am not saying that she is sneaking around behind your back, but you don't know who she hangs around with in school. Despite her claims of wanting to be independent, 18 is still an impressionable age and a time when kids still want to go along with the crowd.

[proust]

"I think I'm gonna go with the medical/dental arguements."

That or you could embarass her with an extended, frank discussion about oral sex. That would probably make her squirm and find the whole subject more repulsive. Medical arguments are very easy to get around by saying: "well so-and-so did it and she came out fine.."

[keats5]

Tell her you're adamantly against tounge piercing, and refuse to say more. You're the mom, and despite her age, she cares what you think. If she didn't, she wouldn't have told you of her plans.

My folks are both dead now, and I was quite a rebel in my time, but there were several things I never did because of their firm disaproval.

[Dan from Michigan]

When guys think of girls with pierced tongues, they think Lewinsky. Does she want to be known for that?

[holyscroller]

If she were my daughter, I would let her read this thread. It would give her the perspective of a lot more people than just her "mere" parents. I think her first reaction (probably vehament) would be total denial that she's doing it for a sexual reason, but then seeing that that's the common perception may make her think twice about doing it.

[I_Love_My_Husband]

We are paying for her tuition, but I do not want to hold that over her head because that is a long-standing commitment on our part and we have been very clear on what each of our responsibilites are during her college years. We pay the big bills, she pays the little ones and stays out of debt.

I hate to say this, but you're a marshmellow. She knows it. You're already making excuses for her. She's not keeping her end of the committment obviously, because she needs to obey the rules. You are giving her the wrong message, and she will, mark my words, get the piercing. You have to think like Dr. Laura or else your daughter will walk all over you, and obviously she is, otherwise you would not go to Free Republic to ask for advice.

You either have to stay strong on this issue (ie, cut her off), or you will see a lot more pleading and mom this and that.

Also, what the other posters are saying to you about your daughter not being an angel is correct. An *angel* doesn't get piercings and tattoos. I'm pretty sure her crowd is fast, and you don't know it because you're in denial.

[txhurl]

1. Tell her 'the answer is NO.'

2. Tell her you object because you are thinking of her future. Remind her: that's your job. Tell her if she doesn't care what you think about her future, then you have failed as a parent. Lay on guilt with a trowel.

3. The above should work. If not, go get yourself a bunch of temporary tattoos, dress like a skank, do whatever would shock and disgust her around the house. Go whole hog. This will work.

Good luck, my heart goes out to you.....

[BuddhaBoy]

I hate to say this, but you're a marshmellow. She knows it. You're already making excuses for her.

THanks for saying what I wanted to say, but didnt.

She will almost certainly get the piercing regardless of her parent's wishes. He should just cut her off.