Vanity- Tongue piercing

[Trust but Verify]

We have an 18 year-old daughter who wants to get her tongue pierced. We have been adamantly against any piercings for our son, and any that go beyond regular ear piercing for our daughter. We have, essentially forbidden this as well as tatooing. We feel it is a passing phase with more permanent repercussions.

Today my daughter plead her case for having it done, saying it is something she wants and can do with or without our permission now that she is 18.

She is a college freshman and is struggling with her 'identity' as such, and I think she thinks this is going to make her feel more grown-up and independent.

I'm almost to the point of telling her to do what she wants, but I know her father will have a fit and then we'll all have to live with the fall-out.

I have always sweated everything, large and small. These days, I only want to sweat the large stuff. My question is, "Is acquiescing on the tongue piercing large or small stuff?"

[Trust but Verify]

I could use some help here from someone who has been in this position. Any takers?

[hole_n_one]

Look here

[IncPen]

Don't read any further if frank discussion embarasses you.

I'll ignore the obvious 'large and small stuff'and cut to it. She is at risk for infection post-op.

_{The purpose of tongue piercing is to enhance oral sex. So I hear.}

If you're paying anything toward her college, say absolutely not.

[paleolith]

Trust but Verify,

Piercings can be a manifestation of adolescent independence as you appear to hope. But, they do carry infection risks. And, tongue piercings derived their current popularity from the perception that women can use them to give greater pleasure during fellatio.

Best Regards.

[ewing]

I would advise her to think about applying and interviewing for a summer job (or a job in the real world) that she may want with a piercing in her tongue.

It may not be a big deal to some folks but others may percieve it differently.

[winged1]

My understanding is that it's main function is oral gratification of the male partner. Youth who have this done means their parents don't have a clue, don't care to have a clue or like you - their kids don't care if the parent has a clue or not.

[CindyDawg]

Make her follow the rules of your house. My "grown"son and his friends know they have to get rid of the hardwear before entering my home. At first he was huffy about it and they stayed away but eventually they got hungry lol CD

[July 4th]

As someone who's not much older than your daughter, I can tell you that I find it totally disgusting.

If you're giving her any money for college, cut the cash off if she gets it done. It's how my parents kept me in line through college. :)

[Paul Atreides]

First, ask your daughter why her self-esteem is so low that she needs a pierced tongue to make her feel like an adult.

Second, ask her how doing what the crowd does is showing independence.

Third, ask her if she knows that a pierced tongue will make her look like a skank.

[The KG9 Kid]

Tongue piercing is a passe' fad, except for aspiring amateur porn actresses or similarly-minded coeds who hang around frat house parties wanting to meet boys. It's an open signal to guys about how talented she is.

She'll find the popularity she seeks, I'm sure. Since they're even shooting porn movies at colleges now with the administrators' approval (See the O'Reilly Factor), she may even find the fame she's searching for too.

She's 18. She can pierce what she wants, I suppose.

Tell her that she can easily choke on spaghetti with a post through her tongue.

[1rudeboy]

Some of the best lap-dancers I know have pierced tongues. And you can tell your daughter I said that . . . .

[anniegetyourgun]

Click here for medical info.

However, logic is probably not going to persuade her as kids think they are invincible. If she claims to be a Christian, you can ask her why she feels the need to be conformed to this world. If she isn't, it would be normal and natural for her to want to conform to the world. You could appeal to the "you're living under my roof/I'm paying the bills, so you do as we say while you're here" argument.

If none of these will work (and God bless you for having held the line up to this point), there isn't much one can do given that she is "legal age" other than to let her know you disapprove. She is able to make her own choices - stupid though they be.

[dwills]

this is small stuff (except for the infection hazard--find some horror stories on the net) that is symptomatic of larger stuff

whatever gratification your daughter is seeking from a tongue-piercing is in place of positive accomplishments that will build toward a stable life

piercings, shopping, drug-taking, sex before commitment all distract from whatever she's supposed to be getting from school

however you come out on the piercing, do what you can to find out why school is not occupying her attention and help her through it before she squanders your resources and her opportunity there

[dennisw]

To put it cruelly and bluntly:
What your daughter is doing is hanging a flashing neon sign around her neck saying I'm a ho' and my tongue piercing will give you cute guys better cunnilinguis. Just give me a try.

[Mercat]

Tongue piercing was started to give prostitutes an extra "edge" when giving head. The wound never heals. I've heard it can cause absessing. Our BPD adopted daughter had it done on her 18th birthday and ran away and got pregnant so I'm probably pretty much against it.

[Freakazoid]

It's really simple. Your tongue is an internal organ. Would you pierce your liver?

[I_Love_My_Husband]

If you're paying for her college education, and you say "No", then you could tell her she's free to get it as long as you're not paying for her education, her room and board, etc.

If she insists, and gets it behind your back then you need to cut her off financially. Let her find out how it is in the real world, and support herself financially.

If you're not paying for her schooling, then strongly advise her not to do it.

You actually have all the cards here if you're paying for her education and room and board.

[ancient_geezer]

I'm almost to the point of telling her to do what she wants,

At 18 she is going to pretty much do what she wants in any case. By then it is wise to recognise that kids ultimately leave the nest whether we want that or not and one of the things they inevitably go through are the mistakes that become learning opportunities.

The key is to make sure they have the fall back position at home for recovery from the more disasterous errors that can and often do occur in every family.

"Is acquiescing on the tongue piercing large or small stuff?"

That which does not kill us, gives us strength. Every generation has its own set of parental irratations it grows through.

[Lecie]

CindyDog is right. Tell your daughter that as long as she lives under your roof, and you are paying her bills she will abide by your wishes. If she wants to do as she pleases then she is more than welcomed to get a job and an apartment of her own.

[hole_n_one]

The wound never heals. I've heard it can cause absessing

Tongue Piercing Causes Brain Abscess